What is WRONG with me??
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| Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:41pm |
Ok, so here goes.
I've been dating a guy for about 7 mos now. He's great. Treats me well, treats my kids well, no HUGE complaints. However, there are so many things about him, that mirror my ex. It scares me. Even though he has yet to do anything wrong, I keep anticipating a bad outcome.
I know it's not fair to keep this going knowing that I don't trust him... I guess I'm hoping this is just one of those instances where "time will tell". But, what is enough time? 7 months, and no problems, and I'm still waiting for that shoe to drop......UGH!
Help, walk me through this, help me regain my sanity! Do I wait it out? Or do I just end it, and hope that at some point in my life I'll be able to give a man a fair shot w/o being judgmental?
Right now, I'm scared that I'm never going to trust a man who shares any traits of my ex. Am I just not ready? Or, am I just over-analyzing?
Amy

What specifically, are the traits?
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Want's more time than I can give. Calls himself understanding, but I hear it almost daily. I get attitude when I have to break a date because one of the kids are sick, or if I'm just plain exhausted. He's quick to anger, unstable career (heavy equipment operator, and In So Cal, there just isn't a lot of work). Ex was also in construction, and when work died down and he got laid off, he never went back to work.
Okay, thanks! Now I have a better idea what you mean by the new BF having traits similar to the ex... and what really is a bad sign or not...
I would say the "quick to anger" one is a bad sign. If he can't be understanding or sympathetic to you because you have to cancel a date, then that's a warning sign. He sounds like he could be one of those "all about me" men that so many of us have dated/married! Just because you can't go out because of a sick child- he doesn't feel bad for the sick child and wishes you both well & says call me later when things are better- but he aches for HIMSELF because he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it! Yeah- definitely a warning sign that he is selfish and doesn't consider others.
The unstable career part... well, that he can't help. But if he
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Thanks Shrimpy, I really appreciate your advice. I will keep thinking things through. I have been doing just that, but again it helps to get an un-biased second opinion. :o) Your words have helped clear some murky water. Thanks a bunch!!
Amy
I would dump him so fast based on these things his head would spin!!!
Want's more time than I can give. Calls himself understanding, but I hear it almost daily.
This sounds like it is more about him. I don't listen to words - I watch actions - because a person is always more about his actions than his words.
I get attitude when I have to break a date because one of the kids are sick, or if I'm just plain exhausted.
Is that REALLY what you need and want?
He's quick to anger,
THAT is what would make me call it.
unstable career (heavy equipment operator, and In So Cal, there just isn't a lot of work). Ex was also in construction, and when work died down and he got laid off, he never went back to work. He depended on me to support him, and I'm scared of being taken advantage of again.
I can understand how this would make you nervous.
He drinks nightly to "relax", and has a sex drive like there's no tomorrow (already causing some problems)! Maybe sounds dumb, but I'm just having issues getting past this.
Sweetie, I would not want a man around the house to run his mouth, drink his drink and get his rocks off and drag me down. This sounds to me like it is more about HIM than you. I think you are being very smart to question all this.
I pray that you stay on our board and read the other posts - especially the thread we have right now about the dealbreakers and what we all want for a healthy and happy relationship.
Whatever you do, we are here. And I pray you are very selfish for you and the kids. Good luck!!
Thank you for your response. I've been cruising through the boards to see if there were others who were having similar concerns. Have found some very informative/useful postings.
Thanks for the kind words, and I think the confirmation I'm getting here is just what I needed to give me a kick in the butt.
Thanks, and have a great day!
Amy
Hi, I dont know why you say 7 months and No huge problems.. Most of these sound like problems to me.
Even if you didnt have comparison to your Ex these are very very scary and you need to get some one who is kind and stable for your sake and your kids sake.
I think that if you have any doubts and there are red flags you should listen to your gut instincts.