What's a girl to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
What's a girl to do?
31
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:00pm

Hi Everyone,


I hope I am not invading where I should not, but another boardie said I should come to all of you single Mom's for advice.

KLM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:43pm

What kind of "plans" is he making?

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:52pm
Well the way I see it is that unless she was physically abusive or very emotionally abusive to them to the point where this has marked them and they no longer can be near her, you should step aside and let him plan this day. She is their mother and yes, she will be in your life forever. A lot more than until they are 18 in my book and possibly just forever until she dies. To your bf, she is the mother of his children. He will be in some way grateful to her for their existence and they will be too - this part of their love for her even from the older daughter should be embraced IMO even when she has done a lot wrong. Children should be encouraged to love and acknowledge their parents in almost all situations because it is part of them accepting themselves. They cant be forced to do things they dont want as they get older but planning mothers day is a nice thing and they should have that day to spend with her if they want. In soe way him planning it takes the burden off of them to get past their own conflicted feelings for her and all they would need to do is attend. It may very well eat at their consiences to not acnkowledge her for mothers day even if they say it doesnt - this would only be natural in my eyes. Making it so that all they have to do is sign a card and show up is making it smoother for them and I think this might be him trying to take care of them too.
Just my two cents....I am sure the others will chime in before long...
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:52pm

Thanks Cat,


Yeah he is making dinner/lunch plans.

KLM
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:55pm

What you brought up was similar with my exGf's situation where I disagreed with her parenting of her two adult children.


I struggled with my feelings because that was between her and her children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:02pm

I have to add to my original answer and say that although I agree with how you feel, I also agree with Mark in that you can't really tell him how to parent.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:05pm

Hi Mark,


Interesting stand.

KLM
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:25pm

I still think it is between your BF and his ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:26pm

I hear what you are saying.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:29pm

I see two sides or two issues with this.

1) I think that it is a very good thing when a dad treats his exw and kids with respect and it is a good relationship/situation.

But, with that said, I see a different issue from the Mother's Day/Holiday thing:

2) A man with little kids and an exwife with all of those problems is always going to be in that state of messiness - even when the kids grow older - is this what you really want?

Before you say anything else to him, I think you should take some time to yourself to really think about the situation - and either you support him unconditionally without questions - or you walk away. Only you can decide what you want to bring into your life.

You do have good advice and opinions so far. I do feel very sorry for those kids. That must be hard on them and their dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:31pm

Oh, the permission thing is like if I can give them a gift or let them borrower my cell phone to text on.


I understand about not wanting unsolicited parenting advice.

KLM

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