What's a girl to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
What's a girl to do?
31
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:00pm

Hi Everyone,


I hope I am not invading where I should not, but another boardie said I should come to all of you single Mom's for advice.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:34pm
Thanks.
KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:37pm

Hi Cat,


I didn't misunderstand.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:39pm

I don't think there is any way to avoid the messiness - because she is obviously not happy with the situation of supervised visits and a daughter who wants nothing to do with her and she is an addict.

I do see your point - why in the world would he go through that much trouble for Mother's Day given their situation. I mean, my exh would not even send a card - my DS does it all on his own for me with stuff he makes in his room. But I am not him or her - so cannot judge - but would scratch my head as you do.

Perhaps you need more time to decide - but try to be quiet and understand and see if this is what YOU want. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't think I would want that.

I went out on a few dates with a guy who has a small child and an exw that he hates - and the whole thing was about him and his situation. I would wonder if someone in that situation really has room in their heart for something new and all that entails. Maybe this is bothering you because you don't get enough with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:39pm

Thanks everyone.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 7:54pm

Good point.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 8:25pm

How long have they been divorced - maybe this is something he will learn and fine tune over time? I was thinking maybe he is trying hard to have a good setting for the girls - he probably feels guilty about the whole thing from their standpoint.

One thing that is good - is that you would have an opportunity to be in their lives and be a positive role model and influence. Do you want more children? Or are you happy to enjoy just them? I mean that is sort of a positive - I have one friend like you who is happy to have her step kids -she appreciates that someone else had to do all the work to get them here and never really wanted to go through that herself. But she is definitely a positive influence in their lives. Although it was not an easy row to hoe so to speak - this is now like 5 years later and things are now tolerable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 8:47pm

They've been divorced for around 5 years.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 8:56pm

Well, I think they are much better off being spoiled and doted upon than having strict discipline or being neglected. So I would view that as good. And yes, think of it as a 5 or 6 year plan - that is what I have read - that it takes that long for everyone to adapt and mesh. But then gets good.

You are welcome here anytime you get frustrated and we will always help. And of course if you have any opinions here on our threads we always love dating advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:40pm
I am so sorry about the hat. I thouht I had changed out!!!!!!
KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:42pm
I don't mind the hat - just was hoping you would have good dating advice for us too!! hehehe