What's a girl to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
What's a girl to do?
31
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 6:00pm

Hi Everyone,


I hope I am not invading where I should not, but another boardie said I should come to all of you single Mom's for advice.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:55pm
thanks. I'll be around now dating advice doesn't exactly feel like my fortay right now :)
KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 12:04pm

Hi, and WELCOME!


I'm confused... would you mind clarifying for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 1:56pm

Hi Moon,


To clarify - he is making the plans for "Grandma" (ex's mom) and I'm totally okay with this!!!

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:14pm

In reading this thread a couple things come to mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:23pm

I do understand that you are upset and why.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:38pm

Thank you for clarifying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:00pm

Thanks Moon.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:06pm

I'm sure BFs 16 yo knows of the plans.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:14pm

One way to look at it - he is going to be away from you for Mother's Day to honor the grandmother and the kids. And if he is with her or not with her - it doesn't affect you because you are not going to be there anyway. And he is not going to like her - rather - I think she will drive home the message herself on why he divorced her - because it is likely going to have a huge drama and unpleasantness. I mean his intention was to honor the grandmother, who is a huge help to him and won't be around forever. There is nothing you can do about her - but I bet he learns as time goes on not to include her.

A 6 month anniversary is a big deal to you - but in the scheme of things it is not that big of a deal when it comes to children and family - that is the bigger picture. But if that is important maybe you can work it in another time.

I was thinking that there is another board here that might give you a good dose of reality for being the 2nd wife - not that we don't want you here because we do welcome you and always love to read new stories - we really do. But I was thinking that what they write about being the step mom and second mom is really insightful. You can also google Step Mom (although you are a GF - this is something possible if you stay and really still applicable to your situation) and you will read gobs of stuff about step parenting and blended families and stuff like that. There was also a great book, perhaps named in my board profile, about women over 40 who married and had to deal with step children. They all said, hands down, that it was the toughest thing they ever did - because they had all the drama and work and heartache and interruptions but no real say in the matter. But many of them did have a lovely relationship with the children and were grateful for it years later.

I do think Moon has a great statement - that you can say you understand you don't have a say and you don't want to tell him what to do as a parent and you know you are not part of this - but it is your 6th month anniversary and it does make you feel put out. Perhaps better still, is the solution for you two to make special time to unwind after mother's day - maybe the grandmother would want to enjoy them MORE for mother's day while you two slip into a bubble bath with champagne somewhere, eh?

After reading all you write, I think you will be okay - but you will have to accept a reality change of where you stand and what it takes - toughen up and see the big picture instead of take things personal. Be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:23pm

I just don't want to feel like an outsider forever.


I am sure that they don't think of you as an outsider!

April