What's GREAT about dating a single mom

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Registered: 05-13-2005
What's GREAT about dating a single mom
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Mon, 06-06-2005 - 2:49pm

My uncle just sent me this and of course I had to run right over here and share!!

What's great about dating a single mom...

By Alan Goldsher

Say you’re staring at the “fiction bestsellers” shelf at your local book emporium. Say you reach for that new Grisham book. Say somebody else reaches for the book at the same time and your hands brush. Say you look over and see that this somebody resembles Sarah Jessica Parker. Say you chat, and then you click, and then you ask her if she’ll meet you for dinner that night.

Say she says yes…but only if she can get a babysitter for her daughter.

For some single guys, a woman’s having children is a deal-breaker. Many men just want to go out and have a good time without worrying about getting that aforementioned babysitter home by 11:00. Well, with that attitude, those guys might be missing out on what could be a great thing. That’s why I asked a group of men to discuss some of the many positives of dating a single mother. Here’s what they want you to know.

The get-closer connection
“Sheila’s kids were six, three, and two when I first met her, and I’m not going to lie: When she first mentioned them, it kind of freaked me out. Up until then, I was a hardcore clubber; at least four times a week, I’d be out until well past midnight. I knew that if I wanted to spend quality time with Sheila ­ which I totally did ­ her having three children would mean a heckuva lot less live music for me. Four out of our five dates consisted of us hanging out at her place, and in the beginning, I got kind of antsy. But after a few weeks, what with us having all this quiet time to talk after the kids went to bed, I realized that I’d gotten to know her better than I’d ever known any girl. When you don’t have to yell to be heard over some random band, it’s way easier to get to know somebody—and get closer to them.”
-Jonathan Paul, 33

The kids-are-really-fun factor
“When I started seeing Laura, her son Bobby had just turned three. I wasn’t really what you would call a ‘kid person’ at the time, so I was a little nervous about the whole thing. I was sort of afraid I’d say or do something that would mess Bobby up permanently. That, as it turned out, wasn’t a problem. Bobby understandably saw me not as any kind of authority figure, but as one of his play date buddies—which, honestly, was pretty fun. Really, who doesn’t like play dates? If nothing else, being with Laura taught me that there’s no reason to be afraid of children.”
-Steve Olsher, 29

It gets you out and about…and active
“Bella’s little boy Joey joined Little League about six months after Bella and I went on our first date. At that point, we were a solid couple, so she felt comfortable enough asking me to coach his team. I’m a sports nut, and I haven’t picked up a bat or a glove since high school, so it was kind of neat playing with all the kids. If it weren’t for Joey, there’s a good chance the closest I’d have ever gotten to a baseball diamond again would’ve been from the upper deck at Wrigley Field!”
-Eric Bucher, 32

Like they say in the song, R-E-S-P-E-C-T
“A couple years ago, I dated a terrific woman, Christine, who had four children. They were relatively old—the youngest was 15, and the oldest was 21. They were a little bit leery of me at first, but as time progressed, I became friends with them, especially the oldest. And one neat byproduct of that was it organically brought me Christine closer together. I saw new facets of her through them, and had this level of respect for her that she’d raised such great kids. It brought a real level of depth to our relationship.”
-Mark Stevens, 41

From: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=3749&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544659&GT1=6553




Edited 6/6/2005 3:16 pm ET ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 3:20pm

I can think of a few more things that are GREAT about dating a single mom - and I hope you guys will, too!!

- she is probably not a spendthrift
- she could be a great cook
- she has unlimited amounts of patience
- she has learned to put others first
- she can multi-task
- she appreciates your attention
- kids are hilarious - cheap entertainment
- you will be a better person!

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 3:24am

Is it just me, or did I catch a lot of: "I once dated a single mom." And not alot of "I am dating a single mom." ????

Makes you wonder.... LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 2:23pm

I caught that on the last example for sure, but the others kind of sounded like they may still be in the relationship and were just recounting how it started.

What kind of bugged me though is that most of them went in viewing the kid(s) as an obstacle to get over, and it was more about what it did for them than for the woman or the child. Not sure WHY this bugs me so much...just that it does. hmmmmph.

Why can't a guy go in thinking...here is this incredible woman that I would like to get to know and spend time with...oh! and look there is a little version of her too! How sweet! In a perfect world I guess huh?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 4:39pm
YES!You hit the nail on the head! Their was something that was REALLY bugging me and your right. It seems like they were dating the kid, not the mom. It just didn't seem like the opinions from these men, that would make me go HOORAY.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:00am

I have to agree with the others, and add an observation of my own about this writer and the site.

This is part of the Match.com site and the writer is a regular at that site. What I've found is that he and the people that he writes about don't fit me or my friends. I found the same thing to be true of the site, the people there just didn't want someone like me. What they wanted were the sort of guys that were in that post - guys in their 30's and 40's, never been married, still clubbing, surprised to find out that people have children, . . .

The men that I know and with whom I run around normally have at least one child by that age and actually prefer a woman who has at least one child also. What they have said is that a woman without children just doesn't get it, she just doesn't understand what THEIR values are. These men put their children first in their lives and often have troubles when trying to deal with a single woman who is a non-parent, or worse yet, a bad parent.

It tells a lot about these men when I sit at work and listen to the way they get angry talking about some woman they know who ignores or mistreats her children.

For these men, when a woman has a child it is a way to judge her character and values by the way that she deals with her children, and it is a way for them to judge whether or not that woman is going to understand them as single dads (or what sort of wife she would make if they don't have children).

I let these sort of writers get to me, and I shouldn't. I watch the commercials for some of these dating sites and the people are all "white bread" people. No real substance to them, it seems.

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:37pm

Hi there,

I have to agree with you although I haven't been on Match for about 2 years. I know that single Moms feel the same way. We want a Man who can be a loving, caring, fun Dad and also be a great boyfriend as well and possible husband. The Match site really didn't fit into the catergory of Single Parents. I went on several dates from the site and felt like I wasted time that I really didnt have alot of to begin with.
When going out on a date my first thought is: how would this guy treat my daughter and would I ever think about letting him meet her. It sounds funny but when dating as a single parent you need to also think about your children(who will eventually be involved)
I never let anyone meet my daughter unless I am with them for a long period of time. No need to involve the children if it's not serious.

Dating takes alot of time to get to know a person and when you feel it was a waste because the other person wasn't honest than you end up back at square one. Your friends are far and few between when it comes to Single Parents. Let them know they are doing a good job singling out potential girlfriends. If you can't be a good parent than you obviously can't be a good partner.

Thanks for letting us single Mom's realize that not all single Dad's are looking for one thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:03pm


My SO says the best thing about dating me is that I think of everybody before myself and that I take good care of my kids. I dated a couple of the guys on the list and yes I dated one and he was just looking for FWB and I was not comfortable with that. One was full of himself and amused himselft with me why he waited for this other woman to divorce her husband so they could get to together which imho is or was diaster in the making. The third guy I dated after my divorce was married and pretty much lied to me from day one but I never love any of these men. I was in a place where I was missing the physical contact from the opposite sex.

When I met SO I was not looking and sworn off men and in he walked and that was that.

I enjoy being a single mom and being able to prove I am strong. But also I have the best SO for he supports me even if we are 2 hours apart.

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 3:32pm
Thanks for your thoughts, Michael. You are very profound and very real - 100% whole wheat bread!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 3:37pm
Your story is encouraging!! That is always the way you find a good SO!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 3:39pm

I am glad that others feel the same way about match.

I was thinking today, when I was out running, that it is lucky to be a single mom because you are much wiser and have to have higher expectations for someone. The empty types that might be fun to date, but would not like kids, are really no good for us in the long run.

We have to keep our standards high, and our kids ensure that we do!!

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