What's your take on this - I'm torn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2007
What's your take on this - I'm torn.
6
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 10:24am

This is my first time posting - hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 10:34am

Hi,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 11:31am
Drop him, drop him like a hot potato.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 11:35am

Oh Sapphire- why are you torturing yourself??


You want more of a relationship than he does. That's been stated, and that's clear. So why are you still looking for one with him? I think you are his "transitional girl" to help him through the healing of his old relationship, and you're there and you're convenient and you're helping him "kill time" without REALLY being alone... but yet you're not what you want to be for him.


I say to cut off this FWB or whatever it is you have going. If a fling is all you want, then that's all it is. Enjoy it for just that! But if you want more, then that's not what it is. Why put yourself through the confusion, hoping for a chance, when he's already stated that he isn't wanting a relationship?!?? Believe him- and move on!


And while you are spending time and energy wrapped up in trying to convince him that you guys belong together, you won't be available for another man who might just be RIGHT for you and READY for the kind of relationship you want. Don't settle for grasping at what could be, when he's already told you that he can't be.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 12:51pm

Ouch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 1:27pm

"Now for the tough part, how do I tell him?"


You shouldn't even have to ask that!!! What is there to tell?? He already knows he can't give you what you want (a true relationship), so what is there to even break up?


I know- you don't want to tell him that the sex has to stop- because you both enjoy it so much. But if you want more than "just sex"... then you HAVE to tell him the sex has to stop. Tell him you want more than that, and you DESERVE more than that. And in order to be free to look for something real, then you have to break free of the empty relationship.


I don't think you're going to break his heart- because his heart is NOT involved anyway. Just TELL him that you want and deserve more than what he has to offer. Even HE knows that much.


((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) but don't waffle or you'll find yourself still doing the same thing by 2008 and wonder why you didn't break it off sooner.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 2:50pm

HI Sapphire and welcome!! Shrimps and the others have given excellent advice as always and I echo what they say.

I think you need to be blunt flat out honest - I cannot see you anymore because I do want a relationship. And quit it cold turkey.

It sounds like you need to give yourself more time to heal and get back on your feet as well because then you will be more likely to be stronger from the beginning and find this out sooner rather than later. Sometimes when you have a lot of dating disasters and especially so soon after a divorce it can set you back more than you think and you might not be as picky.