When do U start discussing your problems

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
When do U start discussing your problems
14
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 6:50am

as a single parent?
As most of you know, I have had quite a few problems lately. A guy I was writing too for a few months asked me what has been wrong lately, because I don't seem to happy in my mails. I told him I had quite a bit on my plate and then he said, well, we're pen pals, so that is what I'm here for; to be a friend and lend a ear. Sooooooooooooo. I did and boy did I! He knows nothing about what's been going on in my life. He only knows the funny stuff that we talked about, but nothing about me and how I lived and as you know I had/have a few things going on, but he never knew he was going to be hit like a bomb with my email.

I told him about my custody battle that just came up with Nina's Dad on Monday, that the child support didn'T come in, that I am behind in my bills, about the car that I had an accident, the heating problem I had, the kids and my mom who were sick. Then I said, and this has only been happening the last 5 weeks. That everything just seems overwhelming at the moment for me and I thanked him for asking. I also wrote him and said, I am just telling you what's been going on in my life, but I don't expect you to fix it or solve a problem or feel bad because you don't know what to say. I think I just had to get it off my chest and that helped.

He wrote back: You totally overwhelmed me and I don't know what to say. Couldn't you have avoided opening your vault totally and been a bit more moderate? I didn't want to hear all your problems.

Never mind what I wrote back, but...........

Ok, I admit, I have a few whoppers, but he asked, I told. So, this isn't a relationship, this was just someone I've been writing too for some time, that defined himself as a friend.

My question is now targeted on a dating and relationship basis only.

As a single parent we usually have up to 80% of us have soul custody of our children and it can get extremely overwhelming, when do you tell this to your date? A person usually doesn't want to hear a someone's problems layed out in front of them until they think they might be serious with them, but when is that? What is the golden rule to this?

Of course we all know the first, second or even third, up until at least the first month of dating you should not discuss this sort of thing. But how long do you give it, before you start telling him/her, "I have problems, with my house, job, kids, etc, etc." or even to just discuss them on a normal basis to just be heard, but not solved. When do you start opening up and showing them that though I am fun to be with, but their is more to me and I would like to open up and not act like everything is cherry when it's not always the case?

And another question: How do you go about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:13pm

Cat:

I sent you an e-mail at work this morning. Check to see if you got it.

I did get your message, and I thought it was very sweet. Thank you so much. I was home, but I think I missed you because of the time difference thing. I was probably still on my way home from work when you called. It's too bad I wasn't home yet.

I am feeling better today. I think the medicine is finally starting to work. I'm still a little uncomfortable, but I am not in as much pain as I was before. I'm even in a better mood, too. I'm starting to feel like myself. I soaked in a warm tub for about 20 minutes last night, and that helped too.

I decided to take the great advice I got here on the board and stay home this weekend (no working). I also told Mark it was ok for him to come over tomorrow night. I think were just going to chill and watch a movie, but the company will be nice.

Donna

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:20pm

We are so much alike? Remember? When I feel crabby, I just want to crawl into a corner and growl at anyone that came near me. Try to tell yourself, that you need comfort. I think it's wonderful that Mark wants to be their for you. This guy is sounding better and better with every post and I already thought the first two about him were great! LOL

When I had both of mine, I was in such pain and I cried and cried and cried. I was such a baby. I also had developed an infection, but it went away after I received the right antibiotics. I'm glad you got them right away, because I let my infection get worse and worse and then I went to get checked and landed in the hospital again. Had I done it right away when I realized something wasn't right, it would of been taken care of sooo much quicker. But just keep in mind, it will take about 10 days. Plenty of time for you to pack, fly and enjoy a tropical drink! Aren't you going to Mexico? Tell me again. Tell me of the beautiful sun, the sand the tropics, because it's still freaking snowing here! We have over 7ft in some parts and I'm freezing my freaking tush off!

No worries, no worries, I have 48 days to go myself until I bake in the sun with a drink in my hand and let myself get ultimately pampered!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:44am
Good girl for taking time off!! Next week you will be a new woman. Keep us posted!!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:27am
Yup! I totally agree! I hope you really did take the time off today! Big huggies and smooches!

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