When do you tell your date about childre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
When do you tell your date about childre
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Mon, 10-02-2006 - 12:09pm

So, when do you tell your date that you have children? First date, Second, Third or beyond.

I'm new to getting back into dating. I've been on several first dates that usually don't lead to a second or third. But recently I have gone out twice with someone and am wondering when I should tell him that I have children. I figured if it mattered that he would ask and since I haven't volunteer the info does that mean I'm being deceptive or dishonest.

Thoughts are appreciated.

Loonybunny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:06pm
Any man who thinks you're only interviewing for

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:02am

I'm tell them ASAP!!!! Okay it's not necessarily the very first thing I say, but as soon as they ask "So what do you do?", I tell them my career, and about my daughter. I think if you fail to mention that you have children after they ask you what you do, then they will think you feel you have something to hide. You would be VERY surprised how many guys LOVE single moms!!! I'm on a dating site right now (which is so not like me), but ALL the guys I that have been pursueing me are all single (without kids), and are all genuine. I actually haven't even been contacted by anyone with children, BUT I contacted someone who has twin boys (5yrs. old), and we have been talking a LOT, and have gone on a date, and plan to go on another tonight actually....we have totally hit it off, and have a lot in common (especially the way we parent).

I think that it's important to tell right away that you have children, so you don't waste any time, or forfeit dates with guys who actually don't mind at all.

JMO! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 1:29pm

Thanks for all the opinions.. I guess I will work on how to mention children as part of the natural conversation and not an abrupt announcement.

I remember a first date I was on and we started talking about cable television. I mentioned how bad the content of cable television is and said, I have children so I don't need them watching that stuff anyway. Or something like that... anyway, the fact that I had children just naturally came up. I guess I knew it was a bad sign when he didn't ask any further questions about my children and just switched topics. He didn't call me back for a second date.

And very recently, when I was emailing someone I met online, who I thought had already knew I had children... but in his third email to me... he asked "do you live alone?" So I replied and said I live with my children. Hmmmm. I haven't recieved a reply since that email. Not even a courtesy reply to say he was looking for someone without children. Just nothing.

But I'll keep getting out there and trying different ways of bringing of the fact that I have children. It's a learning experience. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 3:02pm

Like I said eariler....as soon as they ask you what you do, is usually the easiest time. It's usually one of the first questions guys seem to ask....if they don't then something is off with them, and it's time to move on anyways, LOL.

My friend actually gave me this advice too, when I asked her this question. She has never had any problem with bringing it up like this, and this way it seems for some reason to be the way that is most accepted. There are a lot of single guys who don't have a problem dating a mom, but I think what can get them is OUR responses to having kids. Like if you don't bring it up right away, at an appropriate time, and in an appropriate manner, then they think you aren't proud, or trying to hide it. All I usually say is "Well I did such and such in school, and work for bla bla, and have a 1 year old daughter who lives with me full time".....and I haven't had one bad response. I think the key also is that you are proud, but don't make it like your child defines your entire existence (even though they are our number 1). If you dwell on the fact that you have a child, I think it probablly seems like YOU think something is wrong with you having a child. So I talk quite a bit about my daughter, but I don't make it the only conversation, and most importantly I let the man talk quite a bit about himself (the key to someone's heart is by listening and taking interest in their life). Before I had my daughter I dated a guy who had a son, and it didn't bother me one bit.....because although his son was definetly a strong part of his life, he also had other interests, and was still a man, not only a dad. I think when you have this attitude, that the love you have for your child is really admired, and not frowned upon!!!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 9:37am

I had being a mom as one thing in my profile.

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