When It Comes To This Dating Thing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
When It Comes To This Dating Thing...
6
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 10:40pm

Putting all my other life drama aside, lets talk about this whole dating thing I'm in...lol!

The doc is so nice and yet I'm feeling a little aprehensive about everything. Right away he tells me that he loves me, which has kinda freaked me out a little bit. At this point I'm just not ready for that. When he told me my first words back were "no you don't." Maybe he does, but I'm not in love with him and haven't told him that I am either.

So, my sort of kinda problem is this. I like him, we're dating, he thinks that if you date someone you only date that person, and I don't like that right now. I don't know how to go about telling him that I think this is moving WAY TO FAST! I don't want to hurt his feelings in any way whatsoever. But...part of me just can't imagine my life with anyone right now. I've dated since my exh left for the second time in July, and with the exception of my friend's brother (who I thought I was in love with), I just can't picture myself settling down right now. Why should I? I rushed into a marriage at a very young age, got divorced, and never really had any time to go out and about and just be me - alone - without anyone else on my skirt tails or vise versa.

I feel very guilty about all of this though b/c this guy is so incredibly nice. He calls, he sends me text messages, he tells me I'm beautiful. He's everything I've always wanted in a guy and now I'm not satisfied for some reason. Maybe there's something wrong with me...I don't know...maybe this is normal...

whatca think?
Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 1:18am

Kait,


I think it's perfectly normal.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:14am

I think you need to be very selfish and only pay attention to what YOU want. He is pushing and you don't feel comfortable - then stop - he has to listen to what you want.

Be honest with what is in your head.

Take time for you now. It is better to cut him loose than to be unhappy with how he makes you feel and his expectations. They just have to jive and be the same for both of you.

And yes, it would trouble me a LOT if a guy said he loved me so quickly. And if I felt pushed to where I don't want to go.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Don't ever think differently.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:29am

He sounds like a great guy but I agree, you just don't sound ready yet (and that is a good thing in my mind, you shouldn't be ready after all you've gone through).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:19pm

My family is pretty much mad at me about this whole thing with the doctor. I actually got into an argument with my mother on the phone today about everything (and last night as well).

I told her that I just felt that everything was being rushed and that I wanted to take my time. I wanted to get to know this man, see him when the opportunity arose, and still do everything that I need and want to do in the mean time. I don't think that it's "healthy" at this point to see this guy every single day (which he wants). I want to be able to, or need to be able, to accomplish the goals that I have set in my life and have everything else come into place at its proper time. I don't think that is wrong or being hateful in any way. I'm not ready to be "in love" and really and truly, I don't want to be right now. I just want to have fun, focus on my daughter, focus on school, and focus on work. When the weekends roll around that I don't have my dd and I have some free time, then I would like to go out and have fun, but I don't have too. I realize that now. I'm just a little angry at my mom (and the rest of my family). They put their noses in my business, and I'm sure it's b/c they feel protective and feel as if they are doing good, but it gets on my nerves.

So...I told my mother that today. I told her to stop pressuring me and trying to "marry me off" to the first nice guy that comes around. Her response was that if I truly liked Dave then I would be falling in love and wanting to spend all my time with him. Well...I don't think that is necessarily true. I also told her that by getting all involved in my relationship that she is putting another strain on me that I don't need.

So...tomorrow I'm going to talk to Dave, hopefully. I've played it cool with him the last two days. I went to my friends bday party last night w/out him and didn't see him today, however he's called me at least 4 times. I'm just going to tell him that I feel that this is going way too fast and it needs to slow down. That I do like him and do want to continue to see him, but I have to take things slower. Does that sound mean? Should I put it in another way? I don't want to stop seeing him, but I just don't want to see him as MUCH as I have been. I'm at a point where I want to be able to take care of myself. I don't want to rely on someone else to take care of me, financially speaking, like I did with my exh. I just want to accomplish the things that I'm setting out to do and be pround of the fact that I can make it on my own, without a man. While I think Dave has good intentions, it would not be fair of me to take advantage of him, nor is it like me. Furthermore, I don't even think he's ready for a relationship in all honesty. His divorce has another continuance placed on it, he's still reeling from the fact that his ex hurt him, and I think he's placing his feelings for wanting love and a family on me...

I don't know....whatcha think?

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:41pm

Kait,


I think you're doing well listening to your heart in this.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:21am

I think that you are so on target with your thoughts it is AMAZING.

YES - talk to the doctor and tell him exactly what you told us.

Tell your mom to chill and leave your matters up to you. Work on school and your life goals. Just because a man is a doctor doesn't mean he is a good spouse.

You have learned a LOT in your life so far and have done amazing for your age - there are so many who are so uncapable of showing the strength to turn their lives around the way you have. You have stood up to an abusive ex, brought about a restraining order and put him and his loser family into place, you are working on an exhausting child custody/visitation case, and you are putting yourself through school.

I believe that you are going to do good things. Many would still be with their dodo exh when it obviously is not the right choice for them or their child.

BRAVO to you!!

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