When to meet BF's kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
When to meet BF's kids?
4
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:04pm

Hi Ladies,

I have two little ones ages 2 and 3 1/2 and I wanted to know from you ladies who have older kids, ages 10 and up when would you introduce your "older" kids to your BF?

See, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and I have never met his kids, a daughter from his 1st marriage who is 14 and a son from his 2nd marriage who is 11. I've been asking him lately about wanting to meet his kids. He says his kids would love my kids and they would have a great time but he seems hesitant about really going through with it. I don't to pressure him if he is not ready but I'm wondering what's holding him back. I've even asked him, if there was uncertainty about me. He has reassured me, it's not me.

He's met my kids and they absolutely adore him and he seems to really like them. My son who is 2 is especially fond of him and it's so cute to watch him teach my son how to play baseball!

I want to be objective about this so is this too soon to meet his kids? Should I wait and not mention it until he brings it up again? Any thought on this?

-Vanessa

Vanessa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 2:17am
Coming from someone who absolutely believes in NOT introducing kids early on (like 3-4 months, at LEAST) to a boyfriend or girlfriend ... I think 9 months is more than enough time that you should have met them. Do they even KNOW about you?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:36pm
I introduced my two kids, ages 18 and 16 to my current bf if you wanna call him that when he picked me up. I simply said, this is my friend Bill and he said hello to both the kids. They know we are dating each other and they hear me talking to him by phone all the time so they pretty much know he is my bf. Just try and keep it casual, it could get confusing for the kids so by saying he is your friend should be enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:28pm

Hi!

Thanks for responding! As he is away on a business trip, I had to do some thinking about how I felt about this. To answer your questions, no, I don't think the kids know about me.

We have talked about getting together with our kids and introducing them to each other months ago but it has never happened. The longer time goes by, I am beginning to doubt myself. I thought we were on the same page about being together but I'm not so sure anymore. There are only a few things that I can think of, one of them being scared of his ex finding out even though she's the one who filed for divorce. Or the other being, I'm not for him. The second one I doubt but it has crossed my mind. What you also said could be true as he may be really waiting to see if this is a sure thing but how long do I wait?

Could this be a deal breaker?

-Vanessa

Vanessa
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 7:24am

I think you should wait and see if it happens on its own. His kids are older and probably busy with their social lives and they come from 2 different homes and he has to deal with 2 different exwives - do you know if they are on good terms? It seems that he is really into your kids and for now that is what really counts for you, especially with them being so young.

If it continues to bother you, ask him why he has the hesitation.

The holidays are sort of around the corner - maybe you can make those a mental milestone for getting together - even if not on the actual holiday itself?