When one window closes....
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| Tue, 04-11-2006 - 11:51am |
...another one opens.
Well, the first part is true - I have closed a window.
For some time I have had feelings for my coach - we have grown really close. I really got my hopes up that something more would develop when he started buying a bike and training for triathlons with me. We were spending a lot of time together and really looking forward to that a lot.
But at the end of the race this weekend, his brother brought his girlfriend to the race - because his parents were there from out of town. I was under the assumption that the gf was actually an exgf and room mate. But when I asked him about that yesterday as we were discussing the race, I found out otherwise.
So, I have made the decision to stop training with him and to get out there more socially and to meet more people and my special someone.
This was a hard decision - but the right one for me. For right now I am blowing him off and when I am able to discuss calmly I will tell him that all of our hours together clouded my feelings and that I have to put our training on hold so that I can continue to socialize and meet other people and find someone for me. (And this is true - I know I have to not see him to get over my crush and to be able to focus on my life.)
I think he was aware of my feelings for him but was careful not to ever make an advancement. And he is shy - he has dated the same girl off and on for 12 years and those around him had said he was not seeing her, hence my hope. But none of that matters now.
I want the right person for me who values my strengths and wants a relationship with me and for the right reasons. I want to show my son that you can be happy in a relationship - but most importantly I want to be happy in the right relationship.
So I will keep all of you posted!!

Oh I am so sorry for your closed window. That hurts. I think you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself from him at this time. Congrats on being strong and doing the right thing when you could have taken so many other roads.
Please keep us all posted. We're here for you.. (But I'm sure you already know that ;) )
Lisa
I admire you so much! You are such a strong person, with such high standards, and I mean that in the best possible way!
I know this must have been a hard decision for you to make, but you know it was the right one, and even though it wasn't easy, you'll stick with it. I really admire that.
You've given me so much really great advice, I wish I could give you some, but all I can say is, you'll know when you find the person who values you for all of your amazing strengths, and you SO deserve that!
We're here for you, of course!
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Stephanie
He's been dating the same person on and off for 12 years?
Thanks, Jennie - I know you know this pain, too. I am a little better now than I was this morning but am tired. I know if I keep busy I will be fine and better each day.
I did talk to him tonight and told him I said I have to be honest. I said that I think we should take a break from training together for now because we have been spending a lot of time together and I have developed feelings for him - that I guess I just got confused. I said that I didn't know he had a girlfriend and that threw me for a loop and I am sorry about that. But I have to get out of my home office and meet more people so should take a break for now.
He felt bad and was thrown for a loop himself I am sure - didn't know what to say - said that is okay that is okay - don't worry.
Fortunately I have another coach and have a bike workout set up with him tomorrow. I have a half ironman to train for - it is coming up in 6 weeks. The mileage will do me good! (for anyone who doesn't know what that is - it is 1.25 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13 mile run)
Something that really helped open my eyes, too, is the annulment process I have had to go through with my exh. He wrote the reason in his eyes that our marriage failed. Basically he listed all of my best traits which also happen to annoy him. All of my friends say what a dope and what a nitwit. But what I did realize is that you cannot push or manufacture a relationship and wish it into being. You have to see if the guy is that into you for the right reasons.
I thought I'd give you a few days to process all of that before sending you magic dust in the hopes that Mr. Right comes around very soon. How is the online dating thing going? Did you give up on it again?
I can't believe that after ALL that time you've spent with Mr. Crush that he is actually hitched and never cared or bothered to mention it. Obviously he isn't that into her or in reality, I wouldn't want someone like that who couldn't commit to me after 12 years. Geez! You definitely did the right thing and it took guts to come out and tell him the real reason. Big hugs to you!