Where did all these women come from?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Where did all these women come from?
13
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:24pm

Cripe!

J e-mailed me, told me she wanted to call me tonight.

Then two other women from e-harmony are e-mailing me directly.

Then my first high school sweetheart e-mails me last night...

Good Lord! What do I do now?

God has a nasty sense of humor at times.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:35pm

LOL! Just take it one woman at a time and you will hopefully come through this unharmed!

My advice is talk to J and see where she is at and if she wants to keep seeing you, and why the heck she didn't call (without accusing her of anything of course). Catch up with the high school sweetheart but don't start anything with her (yet). Keep emailing the e-harmony girls and get to know as much about them, delaying any real life meetings until you are sure which one (if either) is worth meeting. Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:04pm

in other words, keep all the balls in the air!! This is excellent advice.

Good to hear J called - but I wonder what took her so long? That is a surprise, actually.

And yes, sometimes God curses us by granting us what we ask for!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:16pm

"Good to hear J called - but I wonder what took her so long? That is a surprise, actually."

What is a surprise?

She said she would call Friday night, and didn't. Now keep in mind, they've only been on two dates. She was leaving Saturday morning for a weekend trip. Now - if she's anything like me - Friday night found her doing laundry, packing, watering the plants, trying to pick up as best she could and do as much as she could before leaving on her trip so as to not come home to a total disaster. By the time she actually had two seconds to call, it was far too late.

I'm assuming she got home late Sunday night - from a weekend of off-roading - with piles of laundry and no food. And then she had to work all day yesterday, and come home last night to do more laundry, a little bit of grocery shopping, etc., etc. And she emailed this morning.

Yes - she could be wanting to talk to him to tell him "sorry, not that interested - not feeling the same connection you are" - or, she could be ALOT like me and wanting to talk to him to tell him "sorry, I'm a total jerk. I lost track of time Friday night while trying to get ready - and was just dead dog tired last night. Please forgive me - and let me make you dinner to make up for my inconsideration."

I don't agree - at all - after only two dates that she "owes" him as much as everyone on this board seems to. Holy cripes. I personally was always dating more than one man at a time. I was a little busy. And - proof that my theories and methods work is in the pudding.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:48pm

IF she apologizes for her lack of consideration, then I agree...but if you TELL someone you're going to do something, you need to do it. It doesn't matter how many or how few times you've been out with the person, you still need to keep your word, or apologize and have a darn good excuse!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:34pm

We talked a bit...the end of the conversation was about what we wanted to do with our "relationship" (used this word lightly). She told me that a guy that she'd seen off and on (and had feelings for) has asked her to enter an exclusive relationship with her...he probably got wind that she was seeing other guys that were interested in her.

Anyway, she is considering it...and I told her to let me know. I also told her that if she decided to turn down the other offer and wanted to continue dating, that all she had to do was e-mail me or pick up the phone.

And that, as they say, was that.

DING! Nnnnneeeexxxxttt!

Brian

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:48pm
wooohooo! enjoy it! It's a little known secret that's once you consider yourself "off" the market, you become a hot commodity! Enjoy the attention. Take this time to really be choosey...no settling. :)
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 4:03am

And this Ladies, proved what most of us said "she wasn't really that into you." otherwise, she would of called. I NEVER say something and don't do it when I am into someone. It's just plain rude and she was PLAIN RUDE. I think you handeled it well and as I would say to a guy that did that to me: "Your OUT!"

I stick to what I say, if you make yourself unreliable straight from the beginning, by not even making the slightest promises come true, then I will assume you stay unreliable. It might have only been a phone call, but it's the principle. Don't say something, you won't do and save everyone a load of crap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:36am

I so agree with this, Cat. Live by the golden rule.

Note to Brian: You are a great guy and will find someone right - this wasn't about you - it was more about J already having someone in her life. Now you have had practice for better ones to come. And we have really enjoyed your stories. It is great to have a man around our board!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:45am

I am struggling with this. I once broke up with someone because he said he would call and didn't, it has always been a huge pet peeve of mine. But my current bf has done this a couple times in the last year+, and one time he said he was coming over and didn't (he had a reason, but it wasn't a very good one). The rest of the time when he says he'll call he does, and when he says he's coming over he does. If I add up all his good qualities and all his bad ones, there are certainly a ton more good ones and the bad one's aren't so bad. If I take a step back (and along with my therapist) take a look at the whole picture and ask myself if he's a good match for me, the answer is yes. If I ask myself if he's 'that into me' I do believe he is, although he's still holding back some because he might decide to move away.

I agree in this case J not calling did mean she wasn't that into him, but it could have turned out differently. She could have forgot or got caught up, or just changed her mind about calling because she's unsure of the relationship. Just because someone calls does not mean you automatically write them off. People in relationships have been given second chances for much worse behavior and things still can turn out okay.

Edited for a typo




Edited 3/30/2005 11:45 am ET ET by firstamendment

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:08am

I agree. The "missed call" proves nothing at all in relation to all women. Only that in this situation, this woman is torn between a coupld different dates. I takes more than 2 dates to find out someone is "just not that into you" UNLESS, they say after a first date, "I am sorry, but I don't think this is going to go anywhere"


Yeah, then she probably isn't into you. ;)


I think the only reason I keep wanting to point this out, is that I'd hate for any singles on this board to read those "not into you "rules" and toss a person with the potential to be a fantastic companion, simply because one or two of the so called red flags in this book happened. That's not real life. It's pretty unfair to anyone (yourself included) to have those kinds of expectations.

Becky

Becky

 

 

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