Which one would you pick?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Which one would you pick?
16
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:03am

Someone on the dating board asked how to keep his fiance happy - and what do women like. So I answered this way - below. I wanted to get all of your opinions on this "thesis" and to find out which emotional needs you would pick - it is just interesting to see how everyone differs. I put my answers below.

One of the best explanations to this question of what women want has been a list of 10 emotion needs by Willard Harvey (marriagebuilders.com) -

1) Sex - sexual intimacy
2) Affection - showing you care - can be kind gestures (flowers, chocolates, cards, help, calls, etc) - or can be touching, hugging, cuddling
3) Conversation - ability to converse
4) Honesty - being honest about all things and not lying
5) Domestic Support - maintain peaceful organized home
6) Financial Support - make money with job
7) Recreational Companionship - having fun with recreational activities together
8) Physical Attractiveness - your partner is appealing to you
9) Family Commitment - partner is involved with children
10) Admiration - partner admires and appreciates you

It seems that each person would have greater needs for certain ones of these than another. Men usually pick different ones from women.

I would choose my top five as:

affection
recreational companionship
financial support
admiration
sex

Further reading of Harvey's material finds that a woman's sex drive is usually tied to whether or not she feels loved and her emotional needs are being met. Whereas a man's sex drive is more physical.

Hope this helps - it will be fun to see what others write here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 2:45pm

ok, I assume we're assuming we want ALL of those things...pretty much. I couldn't narrow it down to only 5 that

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 2:51pm

See how shallow I can be, Candi?

If I'm not instantly attracted to someone, I rarely give him the time of day to find out whether or not he'll admire me, shower me with affection, be great in bed, be honest, or be a great recreational buddy to me (I want to be able to talk - but since my ex and I had NO COMMON INTERESTS! - I love that TT and I both love dining out, concerts, traveling, socializing, hosting parties, etc., etc., the list goes on and on)!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 2:54pm

but I know you and you're NOT shallow...that's just something you need, ms leo.... :)


And no matter how hard I try I can't maintain a "type" of guy...I guess that makes me mysterious huh?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 3:01pm

I have only been with men who have lied. Even my X husband has a split personality and lies consistently. My father was a liar. I am the most honest person you've ever met, so this has always been very very important to me.

Admiration, to be respected for who I am and what I have done.

Family commitment? This suprised me as not being on some of your 5 top list. My children are the number one thing in my life. We often talk about how we wouldn't date or continue a relationship, if your partners weren't involved with our children. How important it is, so I was suprised to see it wasn't on most of everyone's top 5 list. One must think, if you get married, isn't it important that the family is strong and he accepts your children and can be a mentor if the father isn't? I know I want mine to be.

Conversation, totally important. Explains itself.

Affection, is more important then sex for me. I have a very high sex drive, but if I know my man loves me, but just can't do it out of PHYSICAL reasons, then it wouldn't make me walk away, it would just make me improvise. Touch, is so much more important in the end. I love sex, don't get me wrong, but I have realized that these 5 things are more important then sex. Sex would be number 6 or 7.

As for the financial part, yeah, you all have a point, but I think if a man loves what he does, and is happy, then I wouldn't care if he was rich or poor, but that he was happy with himself and could provide enough to split the bills. To be happy in your work enviroment is much more important. Their are so many jobs that just don't pay, but they make a difference. That is important to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 3:03pm
I thought about putting it on my list, but my kids will soon be out of the nest and there's not much care and feeding involved any more. And if someone loves and admires me, they're going to think I'm a wonderful mom and love that too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 3:09pm

Cat -

If those top 5 things aren't there - it doesn't matter to me if he is committed to the family - because without those top 5 things in those top 5 places - he wouldn't be a part of my family! I promise you! Family committment DOES play an important role - but just like if I'm not attracted to him - if he doesn't meet those top 5 needs, he's not given the time of day to MEET my family - let alone make a committment to them.

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