white lie--red flag????
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| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 6:41pm |
I'm annoyed at the man I've been seeing for the past 6-8 weeks--Mr. 4:15. He said one thing to me last Tuesday (nothing major), and this Saturday said something else--about having plans for Superbowl party.....He probably lied on Saturday to avoid hurting me (which I wouldn't have been!!). I'm a little insulted that he thinks I'm not smart enough to remember details of conversations (isn't that what women do?)...Am I reading into it too much--because I'm seeing this kind of behavior in divorced men in general--when it was their wives who wanted out--they just don't want to cause disappointment in their current "dates".
I'm not going to bring it up with him (too much drama too early in our relationship), and I can't say that I would never tell a white lie to him (just being honest) But, I would never tell a lie that insults his intelligence by being so easy to be caught.
Any thoughts, experience, tell me to get over it...etc?

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About the first part--I'm not ready to have the exclusive talk, and we met through match (though his profile is down), and I'm ok if he is dating others. He knows this. And, yes, if he lies in the future I will have to address it with him. Knowing how easy it is to do, in order to spare feelings, etc., I am going to give him a break on this one.
About the 2nd part--I would love any and all advice to get over a crush (bike guy). I've had it for 3 years! (He works for my mother, so I do have contact w/him a few times a year--unavoidable). It has never amounted to anything serious, just a few fun outings and dinners (and one very serious discussion about his being intrigued with me, but the timing wasn't right). He's an "all or nothing person", how do you date someone like this??? I stopped all contact in December after meeting Mr. 4:15. I tend to dwell on past loves (and crushes) for way too long and actually dating Mr. 4:15 has made me think about bike guy much less. So, my heart isn't closed for bike guy, but I will fake it in front of Mr. 4:15 to spare him uncomfortable feelings.
I don't have a lot of advice about getting over crushes. I think time will help.
I'm a very finite, decisive person when it comes to cruches, flings, exes, etc. Once I have made up my mind, I simply feel no more for them. Oddly, I'm the one who has ended all of my relationships. I don't dwell, and getting over a breakup is not something that's hard for me.
I also tend to write people off fairly quickly. This certainly has helped me to not think about "what might have been", but it also probably prevents some potentially wonderful memories, too.
Too bad we can't trade a little of ourselves to each other!
Moody, who loves 'em and leaves 'em
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If you want to get over Bike guy, you have to continue no contact. If you start daydreaming about him, you have make yourself think about something else. You don't need to think about another man, just something else.
Why are you introducing Mr. 4:15 to your mom if there's a chance Bike guy will be around? Don't get upset with me, but it almost seems like you want to show off Mr. 4:15 in front of Bike guy and that's not progress towards getting over the crush.
A crush is very hard to get over. I think the only way is to stop all contact. And to realize that if they don't feel the same way and react upon those feelings to ask you out, you will stay in limbo. I do know your pain on this because I had a coach that was a great coach and I got a crush on him. IN the end I had to find another coach and not see him any more. So it is not easy. But you cannot spend an eternity hoping for something more.
Hopefully Mr4:15 will do a little better as time goes on - he could be scared - but as I said before that is definitely a strike against him - worth keeping an eye on so to speak.
Time will tell - it always does.
I'm certainly not upset with you--and it wasn't my idea that we all go to this thing--but it turns out that a lot of people from my mother's work will be there, they are the ones who invited me and my daughter, it's a pretty special event. I guess I partly said yes because there is a chance bike guy will be there too. (But not definite!) If I went alone, there would be a good chance of me getting swooped up by bike guy and regressing. I didn't initially invite Mr. 4:15--but did last night when I realized how much he would enjoy it, and how much I wanted him there too. Not for showing off, but for me to pay attention to him and not the other guy if he's there. I think it's healthy for me to move on, and by combining these various parts of my life on Saturday I think it's movement forward.
As far as the other--the only way I can get my mind off one man is with another. I took 7 years off from dating, had my daughter, and I'm still not over one ex. I know, I know...but I'm trying :)
Mary
What do you mean by your are not over your ex? Do you mean you still like him after all this time?
I think it is safe to say that many have feelings and memories for a person that never go away. But what helps, and I think you will see here by our stories, is the realization that unless the other person feels the same way, acts upon these feelings and treats you right and is into you - then those feelings and memories are useless. They are a one way street and that is not a good thing. I think you have to use your mind to help yourself get over it.
Many times, too, when we come to the realization that something is not meant to be, even though we strongly willed it, another one comes along that is better.
Let's hope Mr4:15 is a good prospect. I think it is great that you invited him there. And if BikeGuy is there to see you two, that is even better!
>>>As far as the other--the only way I can get my mind off one man is with another.
That's interesting. Everybody is different. I run kind of cold because when I'm done, I'm done.
That sounds like a good plan to bring along Mr. 4:15. I hope everyone has fun at the event.
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