WHOA! Slowwww down........

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
WHOA! Slowwww down........
3
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:26am

OK, so M and I have been talking on the phone every evening and he said he really would like to see me again before the week is up, because I was supposed to originally go out of town this weekend, to see my friend Mr. Jesus Sandals, but I cancelled due to his recent statement regarding his feelings towards me. Since he is love struck and can't seem to snap out of the emotions, I have decided to hang up the beach towel for awhile and lay low. Just can't handle any drama.... sooo speaking of laying low...

It isn't drama, but like i said, I was talking to M... Now mind you, I had date number one with him on Saturday. We had a really nice time and we've talked once or twice the day. He asked if he could see me tonight and I said that would be fine even though I don't feel like seeing him already again 4 days later. BUT, I remembered that he has his girls this weekend and then he'll be gone the entire next week and he really wanted to see me before he leaves for the beach. So I said Wednesday will be fine (which is tonight). Last night I talked to him and he said that his youngest has a spend the night on Friday and he is going to try to get his oldest to spend the night somewhere so that he is free on Friday night and can take me out. He then proceeded to tell me that he really wants us to work on seeing each other twice a week. Now mind you... I am not in dating mode. I just don't care to be in it and although I think M is nice, he is just so country for me (his NC drawl is a kicker and I am unsure I want my children around such a strong southern accent) and their are certain things about him that I am unsure if I could see myself getting involved. Nothing bad, but he does live in the country and I don't know if I would want my children raised in a school that is country verses the magnet language academy they are attending. I mean for the oldest no, but for the youngest, I think the country would be ideal for her. However...I know this is WAY off and nothing ever pans out (LOL) but I try to think ahead before I get involved at all. At this time I just dont' have that "oompf" feeling right now. I am in friendship mode, but not romantic mode. I don't know if it's him or just because I want to be left alone right now. Even my best friend last night told me that she has never seen me so "over it", like I am now about dating and relationships.
Ok, so this isn't all:
He sent an email yesterday of a email link of a place in the Georgia Mountains and said this would be a nice place to go for a weekend. Finally I put the breaks on. I said 'wow, looks like you are planning on a lot of things for us, between weekends and dates more often". He totally apologized and said that I was right and that he needs to respect my wanting to continue to be slow, but that his butterflies seem to be getting the best of him. I just told him we should hold off on any sort of plans. That I am defintely not ready to be thinking anything and that I may choose to date other people. I think that put him off just a little, but he snapped right up again, because this morning he made a comment about asking when I'll be going to lunch but never told me why when I asked him twice. I think I will be expecting flowers or some sort of suprise. Now this guy is very southern and like europeans, in my own experience, it is normal for my dates to send flowers or suprises or gifts. At least with all the men I have dated.

If he does send flowers or something, then tonight we are going to have a serious discussion one on one. I will talk to him anyway, because I am not ready to see him twice a week. I didn't even originally want to see him for at least another week, but know it would be at least 2 more weeks if I didn't tonight. But I definitely don't twice. Anyway, it's just making me queasy again and I need to set it straight. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:52am

Yikes!!!!! I think your title says it all. He is definitely counting his eggs before they have hatched. I think you were pretty clear that you just wanted friendship for right now and to take things very very slowly. I don't think "slow" is even in his dictionary. It is great that he feels a connection but he sounds like he will get attached (already has!) very quickly. That does not sound like a good fit for you.

Best of luck - hopefully he finds a way to "chill" for a bit so that you can get to know each other better. If I recall correctly, I think you said this guy hasn't really dated in six years.....I think maybe he waited a little too long! Yee-ouch!

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:55am

I agree...you're not ready, you're just not ready. That's all there is to it. You want to take it slow. He is pushing. I mean he sounds so nice, but you know what??? He sounds JUST LIKE SHANE! He pushed and pushed. Sent flowers, called, was very persistant and chivalrous, sweet, and attentive. I liked it but I was scared. I even told him to leave me alone for a while. Of course we all know how it turned out...I married him, but I thought I was ready. If he's too pushy just tell him gently that you need more time and that you are not ready to date anyone more than once a week or exclusively. If he cannot understand that, he's gonna have to go.

~Mel~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 2:58pm
Oh dear - that does sound stressful. I think you are being very intuitive to realize he is going too fast for you. I guess the asking for 2 dates a week already is a little much. I agree with what you write here. I hope you can sort it out or put him in his place. Do keep us posted!!