The whole weight thing ... & daughters-

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Registered: 03-15-2004
The whole weight thing ... & daughters-
21
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:42am

We began to touch on it below. But here is my issue ... Averey is JUST going to be 8. She is TALL. I dont know how exactly, but about the top 2-3rd tallest in all of 2nd grade. Fine. Cool.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:32pm

I totally agree Soonee. I dont think i gave the impression that I was doing or saying any of those innapropriate things, but i want to be sure to clear it up, jic! lol


She only knew me as heavy since i gained the weight early in her life, & then lost that 50# 2 yrs ago - then gained it back - so she saw me breifly in decent sjape. BUT, she often saw pics of me b4 weight gain & would say "When you used to be skinny... "

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:39pm

She gets NO soda -

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 12:39pm
Thanks, will look her up!

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Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 1:22pm

Oh, there was never soda at my house either. S16 was getting it at school. M complains there are no snack foods (other than fruit and vegies w/dip) at my house and never any chocolate.LOL My kids didn't know cereal could be sweet til they went to other kid's houses. It was the snacking and soda at school that really put the pounds on S16.

The thing I've noticed most about my family members who are heavy is that they don't eat normal portions. If I serve normal portions they complain, OK where's the second course. M is the same way. He knows he needs to drop some weight because he has high blood pressure and when he gets up to the weight he is back at now, he gets that borderline diabetes issue. His dad has diabetes so he knows how serious it is. But M just eats to excess, if it's there he eats it, hungry or not. It is habits like that which will get one into trouble over the long term. S16 has always been a grazer, eating frequently but not a lot at a time. He never eats to an overly full feeling no matter how much he likes it. So that is good. He just has to get his butt out of in front of that computer.

With girls I think we have to be extra careful because there is so much in the media that sends the message that any body type other than waif is bad. Guys can be any body type, how many so-so guys are on TV shows cast with knock out wives? My X was always criticizing me about my looks, and I was thin! He razed his sister about her looks when they were kids and she was normal to thin. So I do worry about what will happen as D3 gets older.

QB

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 1:34pm

Off of WebMD's website: The Mother-Daughter Weight Connection
Help your daughter have a healthy attitude about her weight.
By Heather Hatfield

It's Never Too Early to Start

It's also important for parents to be good role models, experts say. That means watching what you say within earshot of your impressionable daughters, from a very young age. (I recently overheard a 4-year-old girl tell her mom she didn't want to eat a cookie because "it will make me fat.")

"Moms have to be careful of not only what they say to their daughters but also their body language," says clinical psychologist Peggy Elam, PhD. "Little girls pick up when mom complains about her own weight, makes comments about others or shows her fat bias through expressive body language.
===
From the website: ClubMom
http://www.clubmom.com/display/253311

1. Children hear more than you think. Watch what you say about your own body. If your little girl hears you complaining about your fat thighs, she will at some point begin to wonder if her own body parts are adequate.

2. Don't label certain foods as "bad." In moderation, we can consume all foods, without having to ban any food. If you deny your child access to any sweets, they will inevitably want them even more.

Concentrate on teaching your children that some foods are healthier than others so you can't eat as much of certain foods. Help them understand the concept of a balanced diet.

If you have a concern about your child's weight, consult with your pediatrician. A small change in diet or incorporating daily exercise into her lifestyle might be all that she needs.

3. Beware of commercials. If you sit and watch with your child, you will get an idea of what they are exposed to every day. Many dolls on the market have unrealistically thin bodies. Help your child understand that real girls and women don't look this way. Point out more realistic bodies and talk about how people come in different shapes and sizes.

4. Help your child develop a strong sense of self-esteem. Identify all the positive traits your child possesses and point those out to her. Demonstrate how much you love her and how proud you are of her. Don't focus on the way she looks. Your child needs to know that you will love her no matter what she looks like.

Girls receive many messages about how they should look. As parents, we can have a positive impact on our girls by helping them avoid misconceptions.
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On a personal note: I was concerned about my DD14 chunkiness as far back as when she was 8 yo. She has my stocky build I guess for she is still that way. She lives with her mother so I cannot influence her eating habits (worried me one time when she said she was sick of pizza - made me wonder what she eats at her mother's) or too much for her exercise habits (I do give her mother credit to make sure that she is involved in some sort of sport - though that went by the wayside this high school freshman year).

Anyway I read Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls so I wanted to make sure her self esteem was OK. Somehow having DD18 as her brother has helped with the whole weight-self image thing. They call each other Fatty McLardo and make sarcastic comments about their eating/weight. It is all in good natured fun but from the outside observer who does not know them, it would seem mean and cutting. I have sorta gotten use to it but I must say that DD14 is good with herself, eats healthy, has a healthy self esteem, and tough. I attribute her caring and irreverent brother for helping to be that way.

Good luck on Ave.. that stuff is so prevalent!
Mark





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 2:04pm

Yes! the soda thing at school! One of my PET PEEVES!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 2:06pm
Great article Mark - & I will look inot that book as well.

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Registered: 08-08-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 2:39pm

Averey is a beautiful girl!

~Pacific~
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 9:16pm
Nina has the exact same figure as Avery. So you and I are worrying about the same thing. Nina's Dad is 6ft4, so Nina will definitely be a big girl. However, she is always going to have a little pudge and so is Alex. Both of their fathers have to work really hard on keeping it off. Nina also has a really big curve in her back and it makes her tummy stick out. She already thinks she's fat, but I keep telling her that isn't true. Her little friends are all tiny and look like strings, so I think that whose she's comparing herself to, but I keep telling her not to worry. Alex again, is more of
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Registered: 08-17-2001
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 11:05pm

Oh this is hilarious...... I'm not skinny by any stretch of the imagination, and Gracie takes after my Italian genes (I think she is shaped alot like Averey!!!!) but my Rosie is slender. She's not quite 5' yet, and she wears size 0 jeans that of course, we usually have to hem about 6 inches. No one in MY family EVER wore zeros!!!!

The reason it's hilarious is that less than an hour ago, I got this..... "Mom, can I ask you a random question? Am I SKINNY?"

Last night was her Middle School Winter Social, and evidently, several of the girls and one of the boys told her she was skinny, and I'm assuming that it wasn't skinny in a good way. I told her that she was nice and slender, growing into a shape, and that when the boobs finally grow, she'll look less SKINNY and just right.

*sigh* What's wrong with society nowadays that we have 11/12/13/14 year old girls picking on each other about weight and boobs??? And 8 year old girls thinking about how fat they are????? Heck, most of those 8 year olds are still in their toddler fat!

R., just keep giving Ave good foods like you are (MY XH lets Gracie eat an entire bag of Werthers while watching a movie, ergo I've nearly banned candy) and keep her active. Keep telling her that she's got to be comfortable in her own skin! Last weekend, sweetie and I were at the beach watching "America's Next Top Model" (gagging) and there was a heavier, shapely, gorgeous woman on it (Tocarra, I think). SHE is the kind of woman I want my girls to look up to because she was perfectly comfy with her size and shape, even face to face with those skiiiiiiiiinny girls!

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie