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Whose new, what's new, whose online?
| Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:49am |
Gotta computer at home now! Whoopie! So let's do a weekend roll call...
Name, age, state, children... and then the update.....
I'll start: Catherine, 33, Germany, Nina 4, Alex 11: will give update on different thread, to much to tell. Update will be: Xmas, NYEVE, Alex in Hospital, New man (military and ENLISTED. LOL if anyone remembers that post that I try to never date Enlisted. Guess things change!), work, moving stateside. and lot's lot's more! LOL

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Hey Mel!!! That's really cool that you went to church as a family. How'd Dylan like it?
I am glad you took that step together.
You all have a different board now? No wonder I am not hearing anything! Which one are you on, so I can at least lurk, if I'm not married. I want to know what's going on with you guys. Ok, this totally ruined my day.
- Catherine
Kim
I found it. As I had feared, it was in that 57 post thread, but I guessed on the general location and it didn't take long to find.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsolomother&msg=7722.43
So! How are you doing? How is your body treating you lately? How's the Boyfriend and his plans? Still up in the air? How are you fairing with it all? Can you really not leave if your X says no? What if you were married? Would that be different? I think that should be against the law to make someone stay in the same state if your life and your childs, could be better someplace else.
I can't leave if ex doesn't agree to move too. I promised I never would do that to him or our dd and I intend to keep my promise. It would kill my dd to be away from her dad, there is no way she can go from seeing him 1/2 the time to not seeing him at all for months. Plus this whole problem started because my bf's ex 'preferred' to live somewhere else. She couldn't put her son's best interests above her own personal desires. My bf has suffered immeasurable pain, depression and physical aliments from stress due to the court battle, fear of losing his son and then actually losing him. He is a devoted father and all he wants is to be involved in his son's life, be a parent, guide him, watch him grow and learn, etc. The same thing any good parent wants. Those are the same things my ex wants, and has right now. I can't turn around after watching my bf suffer and do the exact same thing to my ex.
Of course this is my opinion and my situation. I know there are people who move away for good reason and it makes sense for everyone involved. A lot of my feelings are grounded in the fact that my ex's mother moved away when my ex was 7 years old, and both parents let it destroy the father's relationship with the children. My mom moved away from my dad when I was 5, although she had some very solid reasons and my dad agreed to the move, it still had a huge impact on our ability to have a close relationship with him (although I do agree she made the right choice in her case).
I think my bf's plans are going to be up in the air for a while. It's not easy to decide if you should give up everything to live near your child and be at the mercy of his mother. There are probably more court battles ahead whether he stays or goes. Why can't people just be reasonable and put their children first? She won the opportunity to move, why can't she be a little flexible in helping with travel costs and arranging the visitation? I just will never understand. But, it's his problem and he is the one worring about all that right now. Sometimes it helps me to vent since that is all I can do about it.
My body is doing well, my life is in order, I think my head is on straight, and I know I can handle anything that comes my way, so I guess I can stand being in relationship-limbo for a while longer. My shoulders and butt are still very sore from kickboxing. There was another kickboxing class last night but I had dd so I couldn't go. There is a strength training class tonight so maybe I will go to that. Or maybe I'll go swimming! Or maybe both!
Catherine:
Hi darlin', glad to see you back. Hope your holidays were great.
To answer the question, I'm Donna, 39, I live in Burbank, Illinois (suburb of Chicago), I have 7-year-old, boy/girl twins, Katie and Alex. I've been separated/divorced for 7 years.
I'm swamped today and don't have much time to write an update, but I will when I have time.
Donna
Anyway, I guess had I had the chance to be closer to my Dad (he was in the military and always stationed someplace), then things would be different now. That's actually what I wanted to say. LOL. I think it's great your DD has such a great relationship with her father and vice versa. Still, it doesn't give him a right to be such a butthead to you about other things. GRrrr.
Strange how many parents try to hurt one another so much, that they don't see how much they hurt their children. Sometimes, I catch myself saying nasty things about one of the girls fathers, then I remember to bite my tongue. No matter what sort of creep he is or I THINK him to be, it is still their fathers. I must respect that, but I have decided no longer to lie for them. That's over. I told them at some point, I would quit sticking up for them and I do now. I quit making excuses to why they won't call for Xmas, Birthday, or even send a present or card. It's just pathetic. Especially, when you find out that one was in Argentinia for Holiday for 4wks and didn't bring his dd anything back, and the other was off partying it up in Las Vegas on Christmas and NY and didn't have time to be bothered because the buddies were more important. ARGH! LOL! That just chaps my hide!
LOL, my ex isn't really a butthead on purpose :) He's made some mistakes. He said horrible things about me to his coworkers, but I think it was him being drunk and just talking about it got out of hand. Maybe he thought it would make him look like the good guy in the divorce, whatever. He had no idea those things would get back to me. It was wrong and I highly doubt it would ever happen again. Imagine the sinking feeling he must have had in the pit of his stomach when I told him I knew what he said at that happy hour. But he is a nice person and he tries, and he's a good father. Our relationship is very amicable and we are both reasonable when it comes to custody things. He agreed to consider moving. He said if I paid for him to go back to school he might do it, but I don't have that kind of money. I did say I'd pay for the move and maybe up the child support a little, but he didn't jump on that. Maybe there is some kind of compromise in there somewhere. Even though he'll probably come back with a no, I am glad he was willing to talk about it and at least think about it. He said he respects my bf for trying so hard to stay involved in his ds's life.
I have a lot of issues from my father's abandonment of me. Have you ever read the book "The Wounded Woman"? It's about broken father-daughter relationships and how it affects us into adulthood and what to do about it. My mom and I read it at the same time and it was really helpful. She likes to say my dad loved me 'as much as he could' or 'in his own way.' I say who cares. He didn't love me the way I needed him to love me, and he didn't love me enough. My issues come from the fact he wasn't there for me by his choice (for the most part). The reasons behind his choice are less important.
Edited 1/11/2005 2:44 pm ET ET by firstamendment
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