Why am I attracted to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Why am I attracted to him?
7
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:44pm
OK. So there is this guy that I work with, not in the same office. And we have all hung out in a big group of friends, at work and after work. He and I talked on the phone and exchanged emails as friends. He has never been married, no kids. I am divorce with a dd. There were a few times we hung out that I felt attracted to him. But I never acted on anything. He gave me lots of compliments and I graciously accepted them. Then one night we were all out and I was like a walking target for him. He was very sarcastic and nick picking everything I did. I made one comment, a zinger, that seemed to shut him up and then I ignored him and hung out with the other people we were out with. I haven't spoken to him since. BUT I haven't stopped thinking about him. I've dreamt about him (nothing serious) I think about him while driving home, I think about him when I am trying not to think about him. I think about him all the time....and he isn't all that so I don't know why I am doing this. Is this a crush? Should I do something about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:49pm

Do you think he has qualities that you are looking for in a person? The nitpicking and zingers lead me to think that might be a no. It could be that he's just cute and his face and body fit nicely into your fantasies. If that is the case, then just leave it as he's nice to think about. Only act on it if you think that his character, values and goals might match well with yours.




Edited 3/8/2005 12:50 pm ET ET by firstamendment

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:53pm
Stay away!!!
Inconsistent behavior and treating you mean are red flags.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:55pm

It sounds like playful chemistry that can end in a trainwreck.

At best - see what happens with more time - but keep your eyes open for someone better. Someone better will cure you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 2:14pm
That is what is so weird.....he isn't that cute or good looking. He's average. I can't put my finger on it....but there is something about him....since we travel in the same circle I am going to sit back and see what happens.....and for the record...I always have my eyes open.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 4:10pm

OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, you gotta be detailed here? What do you define as sacrcastic and nick picking? Maybe he's like some of the kids in school that used to pull your braides because secretly they liked you? I've had men I've dated that used to pick on me, because it was their way of getting attention, they did it because they were crazy about me. It was pure poking fun with me and at first it ticked me off and then I just went along with it. Later, we had great relationships, so???? Obviously, this guy has something that made you make two turns to look. Could it have been clean fun? You need to be more detailed before we start jumping to conclusions. LOL. So give us the details! LoL

- Catherine

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 4:52pm

My two cents? You should NOT do anything about it except let it go. Try not to "trump him up" into someone better than he is, just because you've had some dreams about him and are feeling some attraction.


I've been there. (recently, with a co-worker) On a day where the banter seems to really flow (usually a lot of zings) between us, as I can dish it out just as easily myself, I will often have sexual dreams about him.


Even if I weren't married, I'd never go for him. It's stimulating to ME to have that kind of a flirtation, but it's not what I want forever. And he's the kind of person that would be that way always. It's not fun when you get down to relationship status, as I've been with that kind of man before too. Not fun at all.


Why are you attracted? Who knows. Chemistry is a powerful thing, and it's no respector of "nice guys". In other words, you can have those feelings for the biggest creep in the world. The chemistry is real. But the fact that he's just not a nice respectful guy is a bigger reality.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 5:16pm

maybe this guy brings up some unresolved issues for you.