why am I crying when this is what i want

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
why am I crying when this is what i want
13
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 10:13pm

Hi guys, I have been reading this board for a while now and finally decided to try connecting. I have been seperated now for 8 months. I have four wonderful children and I currently live in Germany. I am sooo ready to be back in the States and will be there again soon.

The thing is that I want this divorce. I asked for it. It was such a difficult thing for me because of so many fears and insecurities. One thing that was hard was moving beyond the belief that I had to stay in a loveless marriage because a good christian doesnt get a divorce. But I finally had to say to myself, when do I get to be happy? When do I get to be loved and cherished by someone?

I suppose the reason I am writing this at the moment is because I just get frustrated sometimes at the tears that seem to be floating on the surface so often, when this is what I want, and what I need? Can anyone relate to me here or give me some advice maybe about moving on emotionally?

Thanks,
tj

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 6:43pm

Actually, I think my spirits have lifted a lot since I started chatting with you guys. I dont feel so alone. I have felt a bit isolated over hear. And it has helped even more to talk with women who can really understand and relate. I think it has made a big difference in my emotional state.

Thanks for all the advice.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 7:50pm

I have been separated for 5.5 years and am just starting to get a divorce. And even though I was the one who initiated it and I am so ready, part of me is sad. I didn't bring a child into this world intending that this would happen. Some part of me feels like a failure to myself and especially to my daughter. But I also realize that I was raised in a loveless relationship and probably ended up in the same type of relationship myself because that was my comfort zone. So, I know, in my head, that I have done the right thing. It is hard with one child, I can't imagine it is any easier with 4!!

Hang in there and follow your heart.

deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 1:16pm

THank you TJ for posting this. I feel the same way often, especially when I am driving home from less than desirable dates! I also separated in September and though I KNOW I made the right choice giving up that "hope" I used to have has been the most painful.

I hope everything goes well for you and glad to have you here!

~ Caryn

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