Why can't I be Stonger??? I feel weak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Why can't I be Stonger??? I feel weak.
17
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 7:18pm

Right now I wish my relationship was better with Blue Eyes.

~Pacific~

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:09pm

Good luck and take care Pacific.


How I communicate with CNDG: "The story I make up in my head is .... and I want to check that out with you."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 4:37pm

The unsaid is torture and I swear I'd rather hear really horrible news like he's found someone else (then I could move on) than to hear nothing yet FEEL and sense there is something. That's like being in a haunted house and knowing it's in there but not being able to see or identify it- is the most scary and unsettling part.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 5:37pm
"The story I make up in my head is .... and I want to check that out with you."
Wow Mark I have actually said those words verbatim in relationships past. I usually also follow that up with " oh and by the way if that sounds bad guess what - that thought hooked up with and married this other bad thought in a weak moment and the two of them had babies while I was sleeping. Please start filling me in!"
I just dont think people can afford to consistently assume we know everything is fine and they are just have a quiet time that has nothing to do with us. Unless they say so, that is!!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 6:21pm

" oh and by the way if that sounds bad guess what - that thought hooked up with and married this other bad thought in a weak moment and the two of them had babies while I was sleeping. Please start filling me in!"


-LOL! When you have asked these questions, do you worry about coming off as insecure or untrusting? I mean, sometimes if and when I ask for reassurance

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 6:47pm

I don't like to work at or worry too much on how I appear to the other person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 6:50pm
Normally when I have said these things it is to point out kind of after the fact that there are better ways of communicating with me. So I think it comes off as me having given space where it seemed I had no choice but having to carry a bit of an unneccesary burden for lack of information. The response I have gotten when I have said things like this ranged from "Oh my god I am so sorry" to " Please dont ever think anything that bad is going on - I would tell you if it were" so I didnt end up feeling like I was being made to look crazy. After all, I think it is good to let people know that there is a necessity to be open and honest and not leave things up to assumption. More than that, if there is generally lots of communication and then a standstill without explanation, I think you should be told what is going on. When you simply drop out and go off on your own, the other person has no choice but to assume things and most of us would be totally ok with a short email saying " hey, i am feeling totally overwhelmed and need some time to assess a few things. " let alone adding something along the lines of whether it has to do with you or not...
Don't feel insecure for being in the dark. Everyone feels insecure in the dark. You cant see in there and he is the only one with a flashlight so to speak!!
HUGS...
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 8:07pm
I am coming in late here - but wanted to chime in with the others to wish you luck tonight. Hopefully you two can air your thoughts and start working on your challenges. Keep us posted!! And don't worry - no matter what happens you are going to be fine. You have DD and a good head on your shoulders - that is what matters.

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