Why do grown ups behave so poorly
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| Sun, 08-24-2008 - 7:43pm |
I say grown ups here because I know women do this, too.
After my talk (re: meeting kids w/o commitment) with Mr. Summer, we left it "friendly", or so I thought (that was Tuesday). Wednesday, he ignored my text (unusual) I called him later in the evening and he basically gave me the "can't talk now, really busy", which could have been true because he had a big work thing coming up the next day. He asked me to call him Thursday, but I reminded him that he was busy, so he suggested I call the next day. No call from him Friday, texted around 7:30 (which is what I didn't want to do, but did it anyway, duh), no response. Nothing Saturday. Sunday noon, I sent an quick e-mail a la, WTF is going on here (but in only the nicest way). As of now, nothing.
This is after two months of nearly daily contact. What I don't get is why people behave this way. This is a man who is practically attached to his phone, has tons of computers at home, and most important, always told me how important it was for him to do the right thing by other people!!!!!
Yeah, part of me wants to see him because he HAD BEEN so nice to me...and I was lapping it up, but the other part is so angry for being treated this way that I don't really think I could trust him again, or really want a person who treats me like this in my life.
I guess I am just venting...but really, an e-mail is so non-confrontational, and you can even block an e-mail from coming in, so why can't people have to courtesy to let others know what is going on?

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That really is odd that he was so AROUND all summer, during the summer... but now that summer is over (for most of us anyway, school starts tomorrow)- he has disappeared. Is there any chance he wasn't being honest about who is was or what he does for a living? Any chance that this might've been like some "summer break" thing where he had time off and he lived like someone else until it was time to get back to his own life again?
I know- I probably watch too many stupid tv shows; that almost sounds like a plot to some dramatic tv movie or something. But that IS very weird.
((((((((((hugs!))))))))))) with chocolate truffles!
~shrimpy
It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Yeah, it is interesting that it all came to a close in the summer. I have been to his house many, many times...he lives and works in the same place, which was really spectacular. I know he was struggling financially over the summer because business had really dried up with the poor economy (he's a photographer). My sister in law suggested that maybe he went away for the weekend, but the other times he went out of town he always told me, or called me from where he was, or answered my calls while he was away.
Hey, keep watching those stupid TV shows and movies. You never know when you'll be able to solve a crime (I have actually heard of that happening in real life!)
The irony is that our "discussion" centered around the fact that since he wasn't willing to make a commitment to me at this time, I didn't feel it was the right time to introduce him to my kids over a weekend at our family vacation home. I flat out said that since my kids are still hurting from their fathers (and their dad had JUST called and blown off a weekend visit with DD) lack of interest, I didn't think it was a good time. I never ruled out anything in the future...
So the thing I feared, and the reason that I think he got mad at me (my fear of him ghosting after meeting the kids), turned out to actually happen. I guess it says something to his character...or maybe I was seeing things that weren't really there.
And especially weird because he once got upset with me for holding back some info because he felt that doing those things would just create distance(I had a brain MRI whose results I was waiting on...didn't tell him I had had the MRI until after I got the results), another time told me that I could stop walking on eggshells with him, would ask me very intense questions and tell me it was OK to say what was on my mind...when I finally did say something, he even remarked that he knew how hard it was for me to do!
Maybe he was just into messing with my mind? Maybe something I said struck a nerve? Maybe he has been fooling around with me while a real girlfriend is away? I dunno.
Next man in my life is gonna have to work real hard to make me open up.
Just a question...given my daughters current situation with her dad (bad, bad, bad), do you think I did the right thing by asking this guy to hold off for a while? Or am I being too overprotective (as he thought I was being)?
Most people I know agree with me (especially my sister who thinks if I had done it I was no better than the mothers who bring home a new "daddy" every week), so I feel like I did the right thing by my baby, even if it sucks for me.
Its called the silent treatment. Its immature and emotionally abusive. They do it intentionally and they have many excuses for it. Standby, you will hear all kinds of believable excuses that range from 'I was busy' to 'I didnt know how to respond or I needed more time to think'. But what it boils down to is its the silent treatment. He heard something he didnt want to hear and now he intends to make you pay.
I broke up a long relationship over this same kind of treatment. It was agonizing and eventually I realized it was abuse. The abuser will be the first person to deny it too. I couldnt take the pain that goes with it so I left him.
Sorry you had to go through this. I know it sucks.
Laurie
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