why do i do these things?
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| Tue, 04-11-2006 - 7:19pm |
I posted on here a few days ago about this guy who I met and like, but he lives 4 hours away. Well, we have been talking on the phone about every other day for the past week and a half. The other day, he told me that I should come see him, and I said I would, but not any time soon. He really wants to see me again and meet my son...and he keeps saying he doesn't want to have to wait 3 or 4 weeks...which is how long it would have to be before I got the chance to go there. I find it flattering that he likes me and thinks I'm pretty and fun, but it kind of seems like a 15 year old is chasing after me. (We're both 21) He just seems so infatuated. He has even included me in his AIM profile AND given me a cute little nickname. **EEK**
I know what I should do...tell him I'm not ready for a relationship right now b/c having an 11 week old baby boy is hard work! I don't have time for another man in my life. And that I can't be driving 4 hours to see him just to come back home...b/c staying the night is OUT of the question!
Why does everything seem so much more complicated now?? My best friend finds it hard to understand why I never go out anymore ((I have once since the baby's been born)) and now this guy!!!
I guess I just need some support about what I have to do and if anyone has some advice for me...that'd be great.
Thanks so much!!!
Amanda

Honey, you need to stand up for yourself! Not just with this guy, but with your friends, too! Having any children is hard work, and sometimes, you need to have some "me" time, but if you just don't feel like it, and you might not yet, then you just don't.
Do you have family close by that can/will watch the baby for you on occasion, and do you want them to? If you want to get out once in a while, by all means, go for it, heaven knows you need to unwind and it will make you a more centered, stable mother! But don't let people make you feel badly for WANTING to stay home and be with your child!
As far as being in a relationship, if you know you aren't ready, and you seem to KNOW you aren't, you need to tell this guy. If you like him, but just aren't ready for a relationship right now, you can tell him that. If he's right for you, he'll understand and wait. If not, he's not worth your time.
Four hours distance is a long time, but people make ong distance relationships work all of the time. If that were your only problem, I would say, make it work. But I don't think that's really the issue here. I just don't think you're ready for a relationship. You don't think you're ready for a relationship. There's nothing saying you have to be. Sometimes people take a few weeks, sometimes people take a few months, it takes some people a few years to be ready for new relationships. A new baby adds to that. Only you will know when you're ready, and it may or may not be with this guy, but don't let anyone pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.
You want to show your son what a reliable, stable, confident woman his mother is, and he starts learning that now! You don't want him to grow up thinking women are wishy-washy pushovers who let other people make all of their decisions and talk them into doing things they don't really want to do.
Take care, and keep us posted, we're all here for you!
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The distance is a huge barrier regardless of whether you have a baby. You see, a baby is good in the sense that it will make you be more picky and responsible on your choice.
Given the fact that he is only 21 and expects YOU to drive to him, never mind the fact that you have a baby, I would stop taking his calls and making yourself miserable.
It would be good if you could find a way to get out once a week.
Look after yourself really well and be a bit selfish - worry about what works for you not just pleasing some guy.
The thing is that your life has changed. Having a baby is both a challenge and a reward. You have to think of both of you - and I think this is going to force you to make better decisions. If you get overwhelmed, we are always here. Pick friends who will support you and seek help from your family so you get some time for you.
Stay and post with us - we are always here.
Amanda,
The fact alone that he's trying to make YOU drive down 4 hours to see him turns me off.
Yea, I agree. Why should YOU have to do the driving... he sounds like he's wanting to go 90 miles an hour and you would rather take a bike ride. I wonder how many relationships he's been in previously...
And you have an 11 week old son. Equate your new baby to a new relationship. (cause it is) I know with my child, I didn't want her out of my sight, I was SO excited to have this beautiful perfect little baby and I didn't want to go out and leave her. I used to drop her off at day care and I remember thinking that I could not drive fast enough to go and pick her up at night.
Enjoy your little miracle. Don't drop your friends, just let them know how you feel right now and soon enough you'll be ready to go out again.
hugs,
--snow
How are things going for you on this? Any news from the guy? I agree with you and your gut instinct that this is just too much. Your baby needs you right now. 11 weeks is very small and I think you need to take dating time off for the 6 months. I did that when I had my first DD (I had her when I was 21). I couldn't deal with the dating scene. I had too much going on. Big hugs to you! Just know things will work out!
- Catherine
Yes, I do have an update! I called him the other night after not talking to him for a few days. I needed to think things out before i talked to him again. The last time I had talked to him, I told him how difficult it was having a newborn and that I don't have time to do much anyway. So when I talked to him again the other night, he seemed to let go of the fact I won't be able to come see him and that he would have to come here. But now he's saying that next time he and his friend come, they're going camping and me and my friends should come, too. I can't leave a nursing baby for more than a day, so that won't work! Men and their thick heads. Oh well.
Amanda