Why Does He Keep Doing This?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Why Does He Keep Doing This?
6
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:50am

Okay, so it was no shock to see where my ex had emailed me last night. He emails me every Thursday night for some reason. Part of me was hoping that he wouldn't, but an even bigger part of me was hoping that he would.

Anyway...last night at 11:30pm I received a call from a blocked caller. I had been asleep for a little over an hour, so when the phone rang I was scared to death..lol! Anyways, when I answered it nobody said anything, which I found to be a little weird, you know.

I checked my email this morning and he had emailed me not 10 minutes after I had received the phone call, which makes me think it was him. Oh well I guess....

In his email he said that he was looking through his truck and found a cd of mine. It's the cd I used when I sang at his brother's wedding in August (I think). Anyway, he goes on to say that I should give him a call and he will be at home whenever I want to come and get it.

It would have been so easy for him to just give it to his sister to give to me since we are friends! But NO - he wants me to come and get it! So, should I read into this or not? For some reason, every time I get one of these stupid emails I get some sense of hope that he wants me (which I know I shouldn't) and then I get let down. But like I said, I want him to want me, whether I want him or not. I guess it does have to do with self esteem and my lack thereof. Anyway...I know that I shouldn't call him or go to his house, but I more than likely will, knowing me. So, when and if I do, how should I not have any expectations? AAAAGGGGG......WHAT DO I DO? It just feels like he's playing games now and I can't take it! Just when I think I'm feeling better - again - he does something like this!

Help,
Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 12:31pm

Hey Kait!!

Im putting myself in your shoes. If you still love him and have feelings for him your bound to be tempted and go over and drop it off.

You have to determine how strong you are. Are you strong enough to drop it off and ignore his advances and just leave?? If your not THEN DONT GO...write him back and tell him that he can give it to your friend. He knows what he's doing. He wants to see you and see where your head is at with this "breakup". I wouldn't dismiss the fact that he may still care and thats why he wants to see you...but why play games? Im sure you would just rather here it from him instead of assuming and having false hope that he still wants you.

BE STRONG!!!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 2:34pm

I called him a little while ago. He sounded nice I guess. He said that he found the cd Wednesday night when he was on his way home from bowling. Okay. I told him that I had been wondering where it was, that I needed it for an upcoming friend's wedding. He said to give him a call anytime I wanted to come get it. I told him it was no big deal, but maybe later.

I guess maybe I'm the one reading into this whole thing, if there even is a whole thing to be reading into. Maybe he really just wants to give me the cd back. But why want me to come over and get it? There are just so many other ways that it could've gotten back to me. I don't know.

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 3:05pm

Your reading into it because you WANT him to WANT you to come over. When really it could be opposite of that and its not a big deal for him to just have you come over and get it.

So to make matters easier for yourself. Call him and tell him to give it to your friend. From that alone if he just says: "okay" then you know you were reading into it and it wasnt that serious. If he says "why can't you just come over and get it, or, you dont want to see me?" Then you know you weren't reading into it and in fact he does want to see you.

I would have him give it to your friend. Sounds like you dont want to be bothered because you said you were doing so well without hearing from him.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:28pm

I think you are reading too much into this. You are projecting what you want into what you are interpreting from his actions. I know it is hard because the wound is still fresh and you like him and feel a connection and you hope for a different outcome.

But remember that he failed the test - you tried to be with him and he is still in love with his ex and is not over his ex. If you try again with him you are going to find out the same thing and you will have more pain and waste more time.

I think he is just pulling this because he wants to boost his ego and still have you in his life and communicate with you, maybe even have a booty call. This is not the actions of someone into you who cares about you and your heart.

You have to see this and ignore him. A new CD is very cheap when purchased used on amazon.com. Spend your time taking good care of you. Start thinking about what you want from your life - try to stay busy and work on goals. This will pass for you.

Keep us posted!

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 12:09am

Kait,

Have you thought about the fact that maybe he's just too *lazy* to bother bringing YOU the cd, or giving it to his sister to give to you? That it's just *easier* for him to call you up and have YOU go get it?

And like the others pointed out, then he could get the bonus of basking in your adoring gaze for a few minutes before he said, "oh, thanks for picking that up, see ya!"

So yes, you're reading way too much into things, if he wanted to be with you, I'm POSITIVE that he would be TELLING you so. He wouldn't be doing what he's doing, you would KNOW beyond a DOUBT that he wanted to be with you, he would probably be BEGGING you back at that point.

I know it's still painful and you are really disappointed because you liked him soooo much. But the reality is that it didn't work out, for whatever reasons, and so you have to let it go. Only then will you be able to meet that GREAT guy around the corner who will be falling all over himself to be with you!

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 7:33pm

I see one of two things here.

A - You may be reading this. He might not have meant anything by calling, other than he just wanted to give your cd back.

B - He may be playing the game one of my old boyfriends played. He just wants to see if you're still around. He wants to make sure he has a back up plan. You don't want to be it, because you will never be anything else.

I say tell him to give it to your friend. If he balks, you'll know which one. And if he asks why you can't come get it, tell him that if he wants to see you, just to tell you he wants to see you.

Good luck!
Kelly