why would a man invite me to his place

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
why would a man invite me to his place
19
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 6:47pm

when he lives like a pig???

I cannot believe that I was invited to his place when he hadn't cleaned up. I should have been warned because he wore the same shirt he wore when I met him 2 months ago--casual, faded, polo shirt--to a nice restaurant!! His apartment was completely cluttered--no clean surface--even the floor! There were dirty socks on the coffee table, as well as nail clippers! He tried to nonchalantly pick up the socks(then threw them in the corner!!) He left the nail clippers on the table. The apartment was also strewn with stuff he inherited last Sept--pictures, sculptures, etc. Holy cow. He served me a glass of wine in a dirty wine glass!

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

When I did leave, he walked me to my car, and proceeded to stick his tongue down my throat. I was shocked--turned my head suddenly and jumped towards my car. (I never felt in danger--just found it bizarre)

I guess--if he calls me--that I'll just say it's not a match.

Looking forward to meeting a neat freak!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 7:19pm
EWWWWW!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 7:31pm
Oh dear - it doesn't sound like this one is for you. The trouble with someone who is not a neat freak is that they don't see anything wrong with their own living standards. He is happy with the way he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:08pm

I'm definitely not a neat freak, but I wonder if men simply don't see the mess?

There have certainly been times when there was laundry strewn about in my house- I have a daughter who changes her clothing no less than three times a day- but typically, we manage somehow to keep it confined to her bedroom.

Forgive me for forgetting, but is this a new guy? Have you seen him before, and have you had fun with him? I suppose it doesn't matter all that much, I'm just forgetful and curious.

Moody, certainly no Suzy Homemaker


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:20pm

Yes, I guess this "was" a new guy. Ever since Mr. 4:15 and I broke up I've got out with someone who almost proposed on our 4th date--then proceeded to stalk me after I said it wasn't going to work--I've gone out with a man who was just too smooth and lied about his age, and now this pig guy. (not to insult pigs). I wonder when/if my luck will turn around.

Gotta love match!

Mary (so glad things are going so nicely for you!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:25pm

Moody - that is really cute that you have a daughter that changes clothes three times a day. And do give us your tips on how you keep it confined to her room!!

My DS is like a hurricane in a bathroom. Just yesterday I had a bucket of sand from the beach to clean up - apparently that was hiding in his bathing suit which was strewn behind the door in a wet heap. But instead of freaking out and having a mean attack like my own mom might have done, I said, thank goodness I have a dear little boy to clean up after and a great vacuum cleaner that is great with sand on a floor.

I do think that many guys who have been living on their own are not the best with housekeeping. I have found that the nicest guys are the ones who kind of get caught up in the moment and do not have the most perfect housekeeping. I think one of the worst boyfriends I ever had was totally anal about keeping his house neat.

But if someone handed me wine in a dirty glass that might bother me more than just seeing the average bachelor pad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:27pm

OH dear - you poor thing - you are on a roll. But the thing about OLD is that it is sort of like gambling - you do it AGAIN because there could be a prince around the corner. Think of it like the slot machine. Every once in a while you will come up all roses!! LOL!!

I have not counted the number of bad or disappointing dates I had to endure - but there were a lot. (edited to add - okay - I just did a quick scribble count - and I count 20 bad dates met in person - there were many more that were nixxed over email or the phone)

The good thing is that you are very clear in your ability to detect all of this and in sticking to what will look good for you. So keep up the good work!!




Edited 8/13/2007 8:35 pm ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:07am

I agree- I'd much rather have an average housekeeper than an anal one!

As for keeping the princess' mess confined to her room- anything she leaves out gets put into a "trash" bag, and she doesn't get it back for a while. It took me a long time to figure out what would work- she's been changing her clothes many times a day since she figured out how to get out of them.

It really can be quite annoying, but I've finally gotten her to understand that if she wore something for five minutes I don't need to wash it, and now we can co-exist. Her teacher last year was in for a surprise though- she's a wonderful "layer-er" and would show up wih four shirts on so she could keep changing.

Ah, little girls.

My son on the other hand would wear the same t-shirt and jeans daily if I let him. I suppose together they balance out fairly well.

Moody, who tries not to be a mean mommy


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:54am

Gross! I don't think I have every experienced a guy like that and I'm very sorry that you have to! Geez. Sometimes I wonder what men think! lol

A dirty wine glass? Ewwww....

Glad you got out of there before something attacked you! :) Next!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:53am

I can say the clutter may not have bothered me much. Most men are not very neat but the dirty wine glass would have (although was it actually dirty or did he just not do a good job when he washed it?). My house is certainly less than perfectly kept. With 3 kids (6, 6, and 7) it isn't really that much of a priority. I know I could probably keep it cleaner but I would rather enjoy doing things with them than spend all my evenings cleaning. We all have our priorities. Sorry it didn't work out. Sounds like you are at least getting out there and meeting people. Dates are fun even if they don't turn to be a match. At least you can come and tell us all about it.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 10:28am

I don't want to appear critical of people who are messy. I certainly have clutter too! And, I am always behind on my cleaning. But, I would never invite a date to my house without picking up! He "should" be trying to present his best self to me, and his place was way beyond normal.

It really is sad--I think he's depressed and lost. I've said this before--I keep meeting divorced men who are destroyed by their divorces (even though this guy initiated it). I hope the best for him (them), but until they get their acts together why would someone be interested in them?

I'm happy, or at least I'm on the path... (and I want someone who is as well)

Mary (enjoying a gorgeous day in Massachusetts!)

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