Why you don't date lesson #127

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Why you don't date lesson #127
19
Sat, 12-13-2008 - 4:27pm

Why you don't date men so soon after a split lesson #127:


WOW. So Irish calls me this morning all upset, his head is spinning, he's been up all night, he's so stressed, everyone wants something from him, everything is getting so serious, his feelings for me are serious, some other girl is trying to make things serious.. yada yada yada he's just rambling on and on.


Meanwhile, I'm wondering why in the hell are you coming to ME with all of this? Then about right then and there he says "Shouldn't that mean something that when I need someone I call you?" Hmm.. So after a lot of rambling that made no sense we agreed to talk later. I was getting ready to get in the shower and it hit me.. omg I know why he's so upset. I KNOW!


So I called him and he answered the phone.. I said "You slept with your ex last night didn't you?" he answered yes, and I just hung up the phone. Now, this man had NO exclusitivity with me however.. I guess I'll explain myself in the email I sent him:


Just the only thing I could think of was to hang up the phone and walk away.. I mean like seriously just walk away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:46pm

"THIS is what happens when you choose to live with "crazy". Why would anyone choose to live with crazy? "


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:56pm

No youre NOT a horrible person. Emotions are one of those things we cant control. But the best revenge is moving on with your life happily. I learned this lesson recently. I was full of hatred for my abusive ex bf. I wanted to do something bad to him. But I learned that the best revenge is moving on with my life happily and I got to do that too. I bumped into him at the race I went to last weekend. I recruited 21 runners to fund raise and run for special olympics. So I was there with 19 members of my running club and EMT. And ex bf was there alone. I didnt say anything to him but he got to see me with my running friends and new bf happily going on with my life. He always hated my running club so I am sure he was there fuming. Sweet revenge.

When you have moved on without any feelings for him at all (hate or love) then you know you are doing well.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:08pm

TJ, all I can say is WOW!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:31pm

Hugs, TJ.


Good Bye Irish. I admire your ability to see it for what it is. At least you are not the one who is weak and begging for him to return. Isnt it better to not be that one? Let the "other girl" and X have to pleasure of doing that. Good riddance. And I'm sorry..it always sucks even when you know its best. But Irish has a TON of growing up to do and just like you already said..you don't need to be in the path of his self discovery. You'll only get trampled.


Cutting it off is right though... In time you'll see and feel so much better.


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Edited 12/15/2008 5:35 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:32pm

I have been saying for years that I should be working for a psychic hotline.. no joke lol. The only time my insight failed me was with heartbreaker.. kinda left me doubting my perception for a very long time. Even with the men (like medic) I see it, I know its there, but I really do have this big heart and optimistic attitude. I see the good in people and hope for the best way to much! But ya know.. I kinda like it that way.


I saw an affair coming a year out with my friend's wife and an ex boyfriend of mine. I would just kinda casually say things to two of our friends and they both said I was nuts. Well, this boyfriend lives in New Orleans now. So after a year of me just kinda dropping hints like "don't you think its kinda odd that this happened or that happened" and people just always blew me off. So... one day the husband said yah she's down in New Orleans having a girls weekend. I was like oh well HMMM now isn't that interesting?!?! She came back with lots of pictures her and him together out at bars and such.


Within 3 weeks all we knew was that the two of them were having marital issues and kind of removing themselves from some activities and such.


I was like omg.. I should get paid for this stuff.. seriously!


The clues were there that they slept together because she recently started showing up at his moms again when he's there, begging for him to come over, told him that she'll accept the split as long as he sexually takes care of her once a week. This happened Friday night... well, I called him twice on Friday and its not like him to never call me back. Also, that was his day to go pick up the kids from her place. You put all that together along with his massive freak out and it wasn't hard to figure out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 5:43pm

I totally agree.. I refuse to beg. Either you want to be here or you don't. Funny thing was that I was very close to telling him I wanted something more exclusive. It felt like things were really going well.. progress was being made with

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 6:03pm

if I'm who he wants then he needs to fight for ME not the other way around.


Thats right!! I agree completly. This is a great thing for you (and all of us) to remember. The patterns if a relationship show up early on. Who wants to spend their life trying consistantly to get their guy. He should be there, ready and with bells on from the get go.


Hang in there. You will be fine... once Irish vanishes and you can get him out of your parking space for good.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 7:07pm
Whoa.........DUDE what a slime ball.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 12-21-2008 - 1:38pm

"told him that she'll accept the split as long as he sexually takes care of her once a week. "

Ewwww. Splitting up usually means you stop sleeping together. I am so glad you got out of that mess when you did.

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