Will I never find someone being a mom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2006
Will I never find someone being a mom?
20
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:00pm

Hi ladies,
I hope maybe some of you may have experiences that can help me to gain a little bit of perspective here.
I am a 23 yr old single mother of a five year old boy.
I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend (I just broke up with him a month ago) 25 year old man that showed signs of not really being in love with the idea of me having a kid. We were together for 2 years and he would always tell me that me having a kid made things more complicated for us. He was nice to my son, but I noticed that he just didn't really get attached to him, or really interact with thim. My boy loves him a lot and looks up to him and it breaks my heart that my ex never really bothered to be at least a friend to him you know?
Well, my point is that I guess after being in this relationship with this guy and ending it. I really feel like no one will really want me because I have a kid. I am a really young mother and my friends don't have any kids so I see them dating guys and I just feel like the minute I say that I have a kid, they show no more interest.
Sometimes I a also afraid that i will attract a guy but it won't be a man that's really deserving of me because I have a kid. In other words, I feel like I will have to settle for less and that I can't ask for much because I am a single mom. I feel defective. I don't know what to do. I am a very pretty girl and very outgoing but that though is always in my head for some reason. And this recent break up I had is still killing me inside.

Help please :-(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 2:14pm

Oh fivesense - that is so well said! We always appreciate your input!

How are things going with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 7:13pm
I'm doing fine. Just busy with work and my son's school issues. I'm still dating B. and everything is good there :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 10:38pm
I was in a similar situation as you. The biggest mistake I ever made was not taking the time to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life for my son and I. I never had the confidence to do it on my own and rushed into a realtiosnhip when my son was young (and I was too, for that matter). I married another man and 7 years later, and 2 kids of our own, we are separating. I feel like I went from the frying pan into the fire. Take your time. Grow up a little ( I am not being condescending, I was 22 when I had my son.). Don't think that you can't make it on your own. When you are ok with who you are and know that you deserve to be loved and are not defective, the right kind of man will come along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 11:31am

"When you are ok with who you are and know that you deserve to be loved and are not defective, the right kind of man will come along."

AMEN - couldn't say it better!! So glad you are here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:55pm
Even though I think it will be more difficult for you to get a date than a woman with no children, I do not think you will find it anywhere near impossible with only one child. I think the more children you have, and the younger they are, and the younger the mother is, makes it harder and harder to meet someone willing to accept the package. Your son is young, but you only have one. (I will soon have 4, all 6 and under, I'm only 28, plus I am unemployed, not at all outgoing and very dependent by nature. The fact that I am attractive, nice, and intelligent doesn't seem to mean much when everything else is so screwed up.) I am hoping you have a lot more going for you than I do. (How could you not? lol) Take care, you will find someone when the time is right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 4:54pm

You know what? You dont NEED a man at all right now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 5:16pm

Give youself more credit. Please!


Have you had any counseling? It sounds as if you have had a very tough time of it. Hang in there .... this too shall pass. R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 8:32am
Yes, the past three years of my life have been very tumultuous, and the future that I was planning with my unborn baby's dad blew up in smoke when he left me and I don't know how we're gonna make it. I got a referral to a psych. I start going next week.
Avatar for jerbear18
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:39am

Hunnie, You are headed down the right road. Talking to anyone(even here) helps. You have a long way to go to gain that confidence that say's "I am woman, therefore I am strong". You are strong you know, I can see "it" and when you can see "it", that will be the time that it's OK to be strong alone.

Taking the time to find yourself isn't a sentence it's a chance to enjoy yourself and your children.

My DS is 15 going on 50, we love each other very much. I totally enjoy spending the time my own parents spent working on their crummy relationship they now have after 30 plus years. They are still together because they are afraid of being alone.

I can't see working that hard to love someone other than my child. Why put my child thru cruddy relationship after cruddy relationship to have him see me fail and him have to continually have to get used to the new guy. I love the fact that I found who I am before I subjected my DS to a relationship(or numerous ones) that he would also have to grieve the loss of.

Jer

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 6:37pm
Thanks for your support. I do enjoy spending time with my children... I spend the vast majority of the time that my kids aren't in school with them (and the only man that has been around them since my separation is my baby's dad). But my children can't be the only things in my life that occupy my time. Right now they are, and, frankly, I need a break!!! And I do not think it's wrong for me to want to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex right now. I have been separated for almost 2 years, away from FOB over 2 months, and I have had plenty of 'me' time thru it all, and I've had enough of it, lol. I do not like dating, because I do not like meeting new people and that whole 'getting to know you' thing. But I enjoy going out with a man that I know and love, like to dinner and movies. I miss it, and I miss sex with my SO. When it comes to meeting new guys, I honestly do not think that I will find someone who will be able to look past the 4 small kids. What troubles me is the prospect of being alone for the next several years. Some folks don't mind being alone, but I don't like it. And I don't feel bad for feeling that way, to me it's only natural.

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