Women . . . why not ask a guy out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Women . . . why not ask a guy out?
14
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 11:23pm
In my life long quest to better understand women . . . i came across this topic from another resource, so I Thought why not go as the some women . . "why dont more girls ask guys out?"

why do guys all ways have to be the one to ask a lady out? this after all is a new century and some of us guys are just to shy to ask the ladies.

If you wanted a new car, would you get the one you wanted? If you were buying a house, wouldnt you get the one you wanted? For most anything else women and men have to 'go after' what it is that they want . . .

One woman said. . . "women don't do it cause the they don't have to. It's uncomfortble to risk rejection. Why not just let the guys do it? It's easier. Women take the easy way out. It's as simple as that. "

What are your thoughts???





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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 1:16am
I've done it many times, and I don't anymore, because it doesn't work. Sure, they might say yes to be polite or because they're flattered, but if they were all that interested in the first place, they would have asked YOU out.

I'm not afraid of rejection and I'm not shy; I just don't want to waste my time with someone who's not all that interested in me. I make my interest and receptiveness to an invitation very clear (as in "we should go see that movie we were talking about sometime"), but stop short of asking someone out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 3:40am
I totally agree with Sheri.

If you want a very thorough explanation to your question, you should read Mars Venus On a Date. Men and women are fundamentally different when it comes to courtship, dating, relationships, sex and emotional needs.

I believe it is okay to encourage conversation or ask for help. But it is not okay to bluntly ask a guy out on a date.

I just had a good friend, who is a guy, email me a story about how he met this really cute girl when he was out on a run. He had to go around the block 3 times before he got up the courage to talk to her. Finally he stopped to chat. He commented to her that she looked athletic and that he is always looking for someone to run with. She was very smooth and said something to the effect of "If I gave you my phone number, would you give me a call sometime to go for a run?"

He was delighted at first but then when he got home he worried that she was too forward with offering her number.

The bottom line when it comes to this subject and men - look your best, be your best but most of all be PATIENT and don't appear over-eager or desparate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 10:07am
Couldn't agree more. Was going to say exactly what you did. The men I have asked out seem to like me just fine, but then it's like they expect me to do the asking every time after that. The relationships where the man has asked me out and continues to call and ask me out and make it very clear they really want to be with me are the ones that turn me on - and turn into relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 10:27am
I believe in being much more proactive in this area.

I am in a relationship now, so I'm not dating. When I was dating I actively looked for the kind of man I wanted with personals ads, and I would send responses to ads I liked. I actually preferred this to having my ad up and letting guys respond. I got a lot of weirdos that way, but could be more selective if I was doing the responding.

If someone showed interest after chatting and receiving a good picture of me, then there usually wasn't an "asking out" event, really. We "agreed" to see each other.

Rejection is just part of the process, and it works both ways.

With the man I'm seeing now, once he saw a pic, and we talked on the phone there was no doubt he wanted to meet me. I responded first, so I guess I made the first move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:05am

Hi nashmba, I think it works both ways, but it totally depends on the two people, the scenario they are in at the moment, and all kinds of factors.


Since the dawn of man, the way of men and women has been....man

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:28am

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. BUT, I think the reason that it's the man that asks the woman out more often is simply a matter of biology. You guys are "wired" to be the agressor. We are the opposite. So, we fall into those rolls and actions naturally. There's always the exception.


Just my two cents. I'll read the rest now and see what everyone else had to say.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:33am

I believe it is okay to encourage conversation or ask for help. But it is not okay to bluntly ask a guy out on a date


I don't quite agree with this statement. I think it IS ok. But I think it's on a man by man basis for us women. We can tell which ones are the ones who need "encouragement" to ask us out and which ones are NEVER going to get around to it. Me personally? I ran across a few I liked who I found out later REALLY

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:45am

CONFIDENCE in a man is one of the most attractive traits, to a woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:03pm
The guys I have liked all met my eyes when we talked. AND I met theirs. Some of them expressed that it was hard to find someone who could look them in the eye and talk. It's very important to me, even on a friend or business basis.
Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:07pm
I have done it in the past...but in my own experience, I found that the good relationship I've had...have always been when I allowed the guy to make the first move in that department.

Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

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