wondering if I should send or move on
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 07-23-2008 - 9:25pm |
My flame seems to have blown me off. Two nights ago, lying in his arms, talking about our kids, watching TV, a real good night, the next AM quickly exchanged texts, ignored since then. The signs point to... Decided to write this, not sure if I should send. Please tell me what you think
Dear X,
I guess I kind of got used to you replying to my texts ASAP, so forgive me if not responding to three has me a little worried. I hope nothing bad is happening for you. But as I think I said, I am not a game player, so if something is happening I prefer to know upfront, rather than sit back and wonder what the hell happened.
Kind of went into this thing a little curious as to how it would progress. I had only been on a couple of dates post-divorce, and you were the first person who really expressed any interest in me, which was really flattering. I enjoyed your company, your mischievous smile made me feel like I was really having fun again. Quite honestly, I wasn't looking to have anything serious go on, but unfortunately, I did find myself developing some feeling for you. Scared the hell out of me, to be sure, because, well, I was fearful of feeling the way I am right now. And it probably explains why I may have seemed aloof when I was screaming at the top of my lungs inside my head.
Now, I am a big girl, so I understand not everything in the world is going to work out the way I want it to. That being said, I just wanted you to know a few things...I want to thank you for treating me so nicely when we were together. It was great for me to be treated that way and to feel like someone could really find me attractive again. I want to commend you for being a great dad. Your DVD of him nearly had me in tears. You are so gentle and kind with him, he is really lucky to have you as his dad. In the bedroom...I can't even explain how great that was for me.
Haven't finished it, but it is so weird, even though I am being blown off, he really did me a huge favor in some ways. After years of being told that I was undesirable by ex, I know that he was wrong. This makes me so sad, not only because I read him wrong, but that I had started to really like him and thought maybe it would lead to something.
Should I bother sending it?

Pages
MHO, I wouldn't send it... too lengthy... i'm not a guy, so i don't know, but i just don't think they have the attention span or care about all that... (although, i can totally relate to what you are saying).... if i were you, i'd shorten it BIG time... cut to the chase about you've meant a great deal to me, your special, no hard feelings
Yeah, that's what I was looking for. Sometimes I ramble on and on. Part of me wants to send it because in spite of everything I really do appreciate how he made me feel (except for right now). But part of me thinks if he is blowing me off this way, why bother?
Thanks for the advice
I have to agree with Loonybunny here. Shorten it (and especially eleminate the parts that make you sound sself conscious). And like loony said, know in your heart when you send it that it is OK to not get a response. Let it be closure for you, not a way to get him to talk to you.
I would shorten it to something more like this: (but I like the idea of keeping the long copy for yourself, to validate your own feelings in writing) Short and sweet, to the point. Just my opinion but it might help..
Dear X,
Forgive me if not responding to my texts
Advice I have learned here but not taken in drunken stupors (example: early sunday morning journal to jerkface):
Write it, put in draft, read it a day later, edit, put it in draft, read it the next day, edit and then
So when I don't hear back from the other person then I can make up stories on why s/he stopped communicating with me. Sometimes it has nothing to do how they felt about me but life circumstances (job, family, health, etc.).
I would just continue to make a life for yourself and not bother sending it. What's the point? What is your intention in writing it and sending it to him?
I have worked to create a rich life for myself that is not dependent on someone else. I found that is very hard to do but rewarding nevertheless. I am the type of person that I love being partnered with someone, for love and activities. I also have found out that I am not so attached by needing to be loved by someone in order to be happy.
My spiritual practice is gratitude and for my birthday I sent letters to everyone in my life who have made a positive impact. If that is your intent then just send the last paragraph on how much you appreciate him and leave it as that.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Do not send it. Because whatever the reason he is not calling - this will not change it.
It sounds to me that you were/are in a vulnerable state from your exh making you unhappy and feeling unloved. And you slipped into hot sex with this one right away without stating intentions first. And then he just became disinterested after the sexual tension was gone.
You had fun and were validated. But you didn't get a relationship. This was a lesson, ableit painful lesson, and it is time to move on and do better the next time.
His actions are what you need and you cannot sway those with any more words - he has lost interest in the sex and does not want a romantic partner or you as a romantic partner. You two were on a different page. It doesn't matter why. I think that if he has not answered 3 texts, another text is not going to help.
Plus, you do not want to beg someone to be with you! You want someone who wants a relationship with you. At least I think you do from what you write. So no worries - this is not the one - but if you work hard and learn how to date mindfully - then you will get what you want and what you need.
We welcome you - and are sorry for you for this pain - but you are not alone - you can read the dating board and find 100s of messages like this one. Men and women view sex differently, for the most part.
HUGS!
No...please do not send it.
If you're serious about wondering if he's ok, then I suggest you CALL HIM.
yeah, I deleted the whole thing. A good night sleep really does make the mind clearer. I feel like a baby having a temper tantrum sometimes. As far as the sex goes, I wasn't thinking he owed me something because of that, I knew what the risk was there. I have had the one-night-stand situation (a long, long, long, long time ago:)) that I thought meant something, but I know that sex and relationship are two different things for men.
Thank you all for the feedback. All my IRL friends live so far away, this is the virtual equivalent...without the vodka.
Good for you for not sending it!
Pages