Won't spend the night??/

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Won't spend the night??/
14
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 1:41pm

Ok so I need some advice! I have been seeing this guy for 6 weeks (talked two weeks before that...met online).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 1:58pm

I honestly don't know... would he be open to you asking? You could ask him very non threatening if he feels comfortable enough with you to stay the whole night. If not, why and what would make him more comfortable?


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 2:04pm
Okay, for me it would raise a flag in my head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 2:15pm

He is 31 and I am 30.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 2:45pm

I think you need to clear the air on two things: are you exclusively in a relationship and why doesn't he want to spend the night?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 3:08pm
I might be the only one in this, but I don't see anything wrong with this. He just isn't ready to stay over or have you stay over. That's not to say he doesn't enjoy his time with you but he prefers to go home and have his own bed, surroundings and such at the end of the day to himself and I see that as perfectly OK. Perhaps because I am the same way. I love my bed, it takes me awhile to be comfortable sleeping in another bed (I hate hotels) and no matter how much I like a guy, I still want to go back to "MY" stuff. Plus, 6 weeks is still very new. My personal opinion is give him time, let him stay when he's comfortable.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 3:48pm
I see your point and it could be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 3:54pm
Just to clarify...even though we haven't had the "formal"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 4:54pm

Just to caution: until you've had the exclusive talk, do not assume you are!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 7:21pm

I agree that I need to have a talk but I disagree about the been there done that statement.

Speaking for myself, the times in my past when I have been burned there were "red flags" before that moment. If I walk into this automatically assuming that because of the things that happened then I should think they will happen now.....then why try. I have taken plenty of time to heal from previous wounds and analyze what went wrong in the relationships. I have a list of deal breakers (like addictive personalities, separated, etc). I am going into this relationship smarter but not cynical. Have we said "I am only dating you" No...but it has been implied. I feel 100% comfortable. My gut tells me from that portion I am good. There is a risk with any kind of relationship but I feel with this one its worth it. Its different. Don't get me wrong I reserve the right to say I was wrong at some point, but I don't fear I will.

From the spending the night portion I think it is more along the lines of not feeling comfortable or its too soon. A conversation will resolve that, I just don't want to be too pushy. It bothers me that he doesn't stay, but when do I decided its alarming? I also wonder if it being important to me is enough for him to compromise for and how important that is...I think time will answer those questions!

Thank you everyone for your input!!! I will have a conversation with him tomorrow! We are going for Fondue! FUN!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 7:35pm

Ok... 6 weeks of dating, seeing each other 2-3 times... that would be under 20 dates... and 2 weeks ago you were intimate... so I'm guessing sex 4-6 times in those two weeks, right?


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