Work, home & the freaking holidays......
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 09-11-2007 - 1:21pm |
Anyone see the Devil wears Prada movie? Where the guy says to the young girl Andy, if your love life goes down the drain, you are up for promotion!
In the last two months I have realized that maybe the reason I have no desire in a relationship is because I am so over worked fulfilled at work. I'm only concentrating on my career now and in the great way it's shaping out, I hope that it will bring bigger and better things in the near future. Keeping the nose to the grindstone and school. It makes me happy and content and I can't even think of having a relationship right now. I think it's good timing.....
All I want to do is go home to my couch and see my girls. Do homework with the youngest, watch some tv, have dinner with them, do the bedtime story and go to sleep.
My sister and I already had the first major arguement about my coming to Texas for the Holidays. She told me that under no circumstances, does she want Alex's father or his mother in her house. As if SHE was the one that was a single mother! I told her I will be in Texas for 10 days and he never did anything to her for her to have such animosity towards him. That I should be the one who feels anger and frustration of putting up with him for the holidays. Why do family members always think THEY are more hit and hurt by actions that were never taken out on them? I told her he is my oldest DD's father; like it or not! That she'll have to deal with him and his mom as I do for my DD's sake and if she can't, I'll stay with DD's grandmother, her dad's mom, before I start having to make choices, etc. I am not always happy what Alex's grandmother says or does, but she has helped me out ALOT! She definitely doesn't deserve to be treated so rudely. She's just sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but mostly very very nice and has been extremely kind to both of the girls and I. She sends us packages with clothes, shoes, jewelery, etc twice a month, because her son is a dead beat.
My sister also wants Alex for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I want Alex with me as well. Would it be a bad thing if I were to tell DD's Dad and Grandmother who never had Alex for Christmas Holidays that they can have her all Christmas Eve DAY, but have to bring her back at 7:30pm on Christmas Eve? And they pick her up Christmas morning anytime? Or should I ask them to pick her up on Christmas Eve late? Around 10pm or 11pm, so they have her all of Christmas morning? I don't want them to feel I am keeping them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning all to myself, but I don't want to be without her either and I know my DD wants Xmas with me and her little sister too.
However, my sister refuses to let her Dad and her Grandmother stay with us for Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. My sister said, I can't invite them in the house. Isn't that a little over the top? What do I do?
Edited 9/11/2007 1:24 pm ET by myprecioustwo

Pages
I loved that movie!! Thought it was hilarious. Meryl Streep was always my favorite actress. I have seen her in so many movies and she is extremely talented that she can play any part. And I loved the outfits and the shoes and the story.
Anyway, about the holidays, would you be more inclined to stay at your DD's grandmother's house rather than your sister's house? If your sister does not want your DD's grandmother and father at her house you cannot get mad - although you don't like it - it is her prerogative and much better that she tells you now. Perhaps you can stay at your sister's for Xmas eve and enjoy your girls for Xmas Eve and Xmas morning and then grandma can pick them up at lunch time and she gets them for as long as she wants and you get a nice mommy break to spend time with your sister? You will have to figure out something that is good for everyone.
My motto for the holidays is to do as little as possible and acquire as little stress as possible. Family situations can get so sticky. But hopefully you will get it all worked out now.
Edited 9/11/2007 4:14 pm ET by cl-west1745
Well, it is your sister's house, and I would say she has a right to invite (or not) anyone she pleases.
That being said, it is YOUR daughter, and I definitely think you have a right to say where and with whom she spends her time.
Because I'm also a full time, 24/7 mom, I maybe can share what I do for the holidays.
As a child, I remember very clearly being dragged from one relative's to another without having a chance to ENJOY my Christmas. I vowed I'd never do this to my children. We go to my parent's Christmas afternoon for dinner, and that's it.
Christmas Eve afternoon is spent at my ex in-laws'. Like you, they have always been very kind to me and the children, and it really isn't their fault that their son is a complete deadbeat. We dont' see them often, but this is a pretty good standing tradition. After this, we go to "midnight mass" at church, which is really more like 9pm.
Christmas morning my parents come to my house to watch the children open their gifts, and we all have a big breakfast. Then they leave so my mother can start dinner, and I let the kids just play for a few hours.
We go to my parents' for Christmas dinner, and that's it. We don't go see everyone individually, and we don't go anywhere but my parents' on Christmas Day. All of the other relatives can come see me or we all meet at one house, but I refuse to drag my children through what is supposed to be a joyful holiday.
My son's birthday is the day after Christmas, so his father gets him early on that day. I don't know how long you're going to be in Texas, but maybe spreading things out a couple of days will make them less hectic. The girls will still be able to see everyone, but none of you will be as stressed on the actual holiday.
Either way, I think ultimately it's your family, and therefore your decision. Good luck!
Moody, not yet ready for Halloween, certainly not for the Holiday season to begin!
Powered by CGISpy.com
Funny that you mention that. I'm the opposite. Having a high-powered, well paying career is so much less important to me than having lots of quality time with people I care about. It's always been this way. I work, and work hard, but my job is fulfilling and still meets my needs for spending time with my family.
I don't care about the latest fashion or impresisng people with my things- not saying that you do, either- but instead, I'd like to make a lasting impression on those whose lives I've impacted at some time. Working for a nonprofit helps me, as do my various charities, get my "helping" fix.
I was rooting for her to quit that job and for myself, never would have stayed as long as she did. I guess it isn't that I'm unambitious, I just think some things are more important than others, and I happen to know that EVERYONE is replaceable in a job and NO ONE is in a family.
Moody, who has happily taken the lower-paying yet more fulfilling jobs
Powered by CGISpy.com
I love your solution how you allow the kids to enjoy their holiday and only go to one place. The idea of trepsing everyone all over the place shackles my nerves as well. LESS is MORE! Bravo Moody!!
I only have DS every other year - and this is my year. I will allow him to go to his dad's house in the PM because it pleases both - although this does not happen in my year without him because his dad has to take him out of town for relatives.
My DS and I enjoy Xmas morning all to ourselves - even if we do have my family here - because I get EVERYTHING ready the day before so there is not much to do.
IT IS too soon to start thinking about the holidays - but they are right around the corner - how in the world did that happen? I did not think about that until you mentioned it.
I know Moody, I know - I was hideous. My boss (an Austrian chef) made the magazine editor look like an angel - he was just as hard driving as she was, if not worse. And being in a high-profile expensive resort hotel meant we had to pull a lot of rabbits out of a hat no matter what day or holiday it was. My exh was in that business and so were all of our friends - we did not have kids at the time. But I truly loved the adventure and the challenge - every day was different.
There is no way I could WORK those hours now or be on my feet like that again. If only all the pix I have from my chocolate sculpting days were digital - I could show you what I used to make.
It is funny how we could all have a different reaction to watching it. I said I bet most people would want to quit - and I said maybe that is why I never spent enough time to make a relationship work because work always came first. But I did give work up for DS - I was going to post that story in the silver lining thread.
If it's that aggravating, then why visit for Christmas?
I love family too- and know how important it is to be together- but if it's just a total mess, I'd rather spend the holidays separate.
Plus, if you are making the holiday visit as a test to see if you'd like to move to TX... I'd say it will probably be a test that fails! If it's going to be nothing but fights and aggravation, then you SHOULDN'T move there to be closer to family, should you!??? There shouldn't even be any time spent considering it!
Maybe I'm just being grumpy (and wanting some alone time) but I just don't get why family have to be so hateful to each other. I know it's not YOU being hateful- but your family that is making the fuss, but still... there are so many things to get upset about in this world than to gripe about some of that stuff (and carry grudges)!
~shrimpy, probably shouldn't even be typing today, in the mood she's in
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
But maybe there is something else she doesn't like about them or her husband doesn't like them or whatever - if they don't like them, they don't like them - you can't change her mind. Just work around it. I understand your story about Alex's father and him being a good SEAL but not the best dad and I don't judge him. And you did the right thing way back when and are kind to include him and his mom in your Xmas. But your sister is different.
And holidays tend to bring out the WORST in everyone. Trust me, I have a few stories about my mother ruining a few Xmas's recently and I have learned not to expect too much and to do my own thing that pleases me and my DS. My worst holidays are when I don't have DS and I have to deal with my mom and sister - it is so bad I have thought of taking a vacation away from them. My sister married a very rich husband and she doesn't work so she and my mom are like 2 peas in a pod. I am the third wheel since I am a divorced single mom. I could get upset but I don't - I do what is best for ME because I almost never let myself down.
Exactly.
& if you have Xmas at YOUR house, how about inviting them to you.
Pages