worried
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:52pm |
OK ladies, I'm starting to worry.
HN and I have been friends for about two years and we started dating in December 2006. I think our relationship is a good one, but we have been very much focusing on the here and now, not the distant future - primarily because I'm not ready to. My kids (DD - 8 and DS - 3) know HN to be one of my friends, but I have never refered to him as my BF. They have interacted with HN about once a month for a total of 3 brief evenings - two times at my home (food, movie, board games etc.) and one time at his (barbeque picnic with several other adults).
The other night after the barbeque my DS freaked me out a little. When I mentioned something that happened at HN's house, my DS said "HN is my daddy." I kept calm and said, "No, HN is our friend." a few times. I know that my DS doesn't understand the biological definition of "daddy" but the men in his life that he knows he can trust are called either Daddy, Grandpap, or Uncle. Friend is a newer term for him. He knows that his big sister has friends, but they are all little girls. I share parenting with my childrens' father and their dad plays a big role in their lives. Their dad let me down big-time (understatement of the year!) but so far he has been there for our children.
My son's statement concerns me because I'm afraid that it may mean that I underestimated how quickly my son could become attached to HN.
HN is safe, a good role model, he treats me extremely well, and doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but we are not ready (or at least I'm not ready) for a long-term committement such as marriage.
I can't erase the past, but I'm wondering if I should decrease the frequency that the four of us are together?
Am I completely over-reacting?? If I am over-reacting, does that mean that deep-down I know that HN is not the man for me? Or maybe he is right for me and I'm just too scared??? Being a woman who thinks is really hard!!! Thanks for tolerating my craziness!
M2M
Edited 4/2/2007 3:11 pm ET by mom2maggie

Hi There - one thing to consider - my girls used to refer to just about any man as "daddy". I finally figured out that, in their little world, that he looks like a "daddy" - not necessarily theirs.
I am still in the very early stages of separation from their father so there is no reason for them to be confused about who their father is - they are very clear on that matter (they are 5 & 3 by the way). When one of my daughters would say "daddy" about some strange man at the grocery store (loud enough for him to over hear LOL!), I would say "oh does he look like a daddy? He might be, I don't know..." They would ofetn nod when I asked them if he "looked" like a daddy.
Just some food for thought.....
Rose
I think you are freaking too much. But I also think that is a good thing and shows you are a caring mom. I think the word daddy for your DS is one that is a fond term for someone he likes and trusts. He senses that HN makes everyone happy and is safe. Yes he will get attached at a young age - but you are not with HN 24/7 with the kids and you have had limited time for the kids to be with HN.
If you are happy living day to day and are happy with where you are - enjoy. I would keep the contact limited. And just correct DS's term for HN as you have done.
I think you are fine.
I think it's normal. Both for you to freak, and for your son to call a man "daddy". My daughter has no contact with her father, and she has developed a huge crush on her teacher. She doesn't call him daddy, but she does write her name, a heart, then his on every single paper she brings home (she's in kindergarten- that's a lot of papers!).
He is very understanding, and a wonderful role model for her (we went to high school together) and simply downplays it. However, I get frustrated when she is more interested in mooning over the man than learning from him!
As far as you freaking, I wouldn't worry too much. You don't spend all that much time together, and I'm not sure you could ever really know how well your relationship was going if you didn't spend some time with your kids. I would say just enjoy the here and now, and if you don't want to think about the future, don't.
Moody, also enjoying today
Powered by CGISpy.com