would you get engaged sans ring

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
would you get engaged sans ring
10
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 9:57pm
Ok girls. Just looking for some feedback. SYB made it clear this evening that he wants to get engaged by the end of the year. I would love that honestly but he also got very honest with me about the fact that neither of us are flush with cash right now what with the house purchase and all of the repairs. I knew this of course but basically there isnt money for a ring right now.
So the question is - would you get engaged without one? And would you consider someone engaged if they didnt have one? Having been together as long as we have, I have to say I already feel engaged to a certain extent and calling him my bf is getting old. We have actually both said to one another that those titles just arent cutting it anymore. They actually sound silly to us and I cuaght him calling me his partner to the realtor which made me joke with him about whether one of us was a lesbian:) I do think it is time so should I wait or ask him to for ring reasons?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:13pm

well being one of the recent engaged/married/ preg (lol) ones here I should comment on this. Personally if a couple told me "we got engaged yesterday" my first reaction would be to congratulate them and ask how it was, how did he propose ect.. with or without ring, it would be the same. Biker gave me a expensive ring, which I love, but honestly with real life things looking at house prices and other future expenses after having a baby, there are times I feel he invested more money into it and if I had been clear about getting a cheaper even a plain band that would have been really fine and wouldnt change anything I feel for him or anything others feel about us. If we had to do it all over again I would have got a ring that just costs few hundreds only and not anything more.


I have seen very pretty rings that are in hudreds of dollars as opposed to normal thousands of dollars. so if you just want a symbol for now, you both can choose a pretty less expensive one (doesnt even have to be a diamond)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:16pm
My brother (who later became a millionaire) got engaged and eloped with his first wife without a ring (due to simple means at their young age). They married with a simple wedding band and later he upgraded her with a diamond. She still preferred the simple band for sentimental reasons. I see nothing wrong with that. I actually appreciated that much more than some of the materialistic marriages I have witnessed where it was all about the ring, the dress, and the reception. I say go with what represents where you are right now; I think a house and it's repairs is much more a symbol of commitment than a ring could be. You can always upgrade for an anniversary. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:25pm

I certainly would get engaged with out the ring. The ring is materialistic to me and not as important as the actual commitment two people have together!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:38pm

I do associate engagement and a ring as a package deal. I wouldn't want an engagement without the ring... but then again- what is a ring worth, without the commitment to back it up? So really... an engagement means the COMMITMENT you give to each other. The ring is just a

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:52pm

The ring is a symbol of commitment, true. But the symbol doesn't have to break the bank. You can get a beautiful ring that means a lot more to you than some $20,000 solitaire. My friend S had a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring given to her for her engagement- cost under $100 but it's more "her style" than anything else: he chose well :)

Maybe a ring with yours, SYB and your ds' birthstones in it? To me that would represent the commitment of a FAMILY, and not just you and SYB.

The boy

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 11:07pm

I see being engaged as the prelude to marriage and a commitment. If you are already living together and have a house together then that to me is a commitment but not a commitment to be married until a date has been set.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 6:02am

For me, it wouldn't have been an engagement without a ring. there are rings in the $250-400 range (think sapphires, rubies, emeralds) that would make beautiful engagement rings. Also, there is estate jewelry. He bought my engagement ring with the matching wedding band (I picked them out) for just under $1000. It's about 1/3 carat total weight, but the way the diamonds are distributed makes it look like much more.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 8:51am

Well, I say you need a ring...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 9:00am

but then again- what is a ring worth, without the commitment to back it up?


I totally agree with this one!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 12:30pm

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond!

I am really on the fence to be honest. I would be fine sans ring but he wouldnt be. On the other hand, I dont want a lesser ring to be replaced later because I am sentimental and probably wouldnt go through with that when the time came. I have thought about putting DS's birthstone in it but his birthday is August and the stone is not really a color I can handle. I have some jewelry from my mother we could make into a ring but I think that makes SYB feel bad.

It is just my opinion of course but I think what we are doing in terms of living together and buying a house and meshing all finances and raising a son together all constitutes an engagement or life time commitment already. The house is my ring as Shrimpy said - so well said! I dont think we are the type to get engaged and then announce a date right away. We have taken things one step at a time and I imagien that will continue and there is a lot of family and friends to consider some in different countries so setting a date may take a while but that wont keep me from feeling engaged if we are.

We talked abut it a little today and he asked me to marry him at home depot partly in jest until I said yes and then it got very quiet and funny. How appropriate that we get engaged in Home Depot, right? It will be our second home really since there are so many things to be done! HAH.

Anyhow, the responses are so great and honest - I really appreciate them as I try and sort out my thoughts. And I know what is most important is not our official status as others might see us but the real happiness we feel right now at this moment! It truly is a happy time:)

Lilypie - Personal picture