wow! lots of posts below, I need advice.
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| Sat, 01-01-2005 - 9:16am |
I'm so unhappy right now, I spent new years alone, well I did have my kids, that was nice. I'm 33 lonely, seperated for 2yrs. I want to date I posted here before got great advice, I don't care who gives it to me, if you've been their done that then need your input. I'm at the point where I just want sex, safe sex of course, It's been a long time. It's hard for me to qo out and meet someone because I do have my three girls, and when my stbx takes them one nite a week, which is saturday nite's I usually have no one to go out with all my friends have someone and go out, i can go with them but when we go home at the end of the nite they go and we know what their up too, and me I go home alone, lay in my bed and think of what happened in my life, I don't want to go out and just pick anyone up and have "fun", My friend signed me up for online dating, but at the end the wanted money, which I don't have and I don't feel like paying to find someone to date, I'm not ugly not that that matters, I don't know I'm just very very very very frustrated at this point. While I'm home doing my job and loving it, taking care of our girls, and he's out every nite at the bar, relaxing not worring about anything because if he was he would see his girls more and i would have a life. Outside of my girls. Tonight, I'm suppose to go out with a friend and her guy, but I know she'll probably say she's too tired to go anywhere, and me not having a car will spend another nite at home watching nickoleodeon,lol any advice ? I NEED A DATE!!!!!!!!!!SOON!!!!!!!!!!!
LAURA

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Hi April
I think you are new here and I just wanted to extend a welcome to you! I hope you will post again and let us get the chance to know you!
Hugs
Tara
Laura sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug, because I know what you are going through. My divorce took 3,5 yrs here in Germany. I'm an American living in Europe, but coming back to the States after 10yrs of trying to fit in here.
However, it was hard to date still being legally married. I won't say it isn't. A lot of people don't understand that each state or country is different. I can only thank god I don't live in Ireland! They were just allowed to start divorcing a few years ago and it takes a minimum of 5yr of separation, before they can.
ANYHOW, as for the "Booty Man". I think I am the only one on this board that has always had one. But it's not that easy to get one. You have to pick a guy that you know. Usually some sort of buddy that you can discuss sex with and that isn't in a relationship. One was a colleague that I was working with after I had my first daughter. That lasted over a 1 yr until I was ready to really start dating again. It was great and I had no qualms about it. We joked about everything. Each of us dated, but we had safe, great sex.
I've had 2 since living here. The one I have now is just like me. Our birthdays are 2days apart. His sister is my student and we met at a cafe one day accidently not knowing each other until his sister showed up. We laugh, talk, have great sex, cuddle, EVERYTHING a relationship offers, but no emotional BS. He isn't allowed to date me, due to his religion and I don't see him as a person I would want a relationship with. The guy is an absolute darling, gorgeous, young 27, money, etc, but he's a DOG to women. I'm the only one that doesn't keep him on a leash, because he knows I'm not interested in him, like every other woman is. He's been my BM for the last 8 months. I've otherwise stopped dating anyone, because I am not interested in the men here. Yet, I do have a guy that I am interested in, that I met online, but we are both realistic. He knows I have a BM and I know he has a BW. We haven't met, we just get along as if it were sleepless in seattle, so I am going to see him in April to see if the magic is their when we look at each other. He's stationed in Texas, so that works out great, because I will be moving back to Texas in 17 months.
What I want to say is, if you can find the man that you don't want attachments with, great! Do it. But become friends first, otherwise, you might end up only having a one nighter and you want to stay away from that. One nighters are no good. You have to build a platonic friendship, before you get involved in the next step of Booty involvment. LOL.
I know you are hurting, I know what you are going through. My oldest is 11 to. Boy oh Boy have the hormones been kicking in this year.
Everyone gave you terrific, terrific advice, so no need to go their. I just wanted to let you know, that even though I am the only one on the board that has a toy boy and always had one when I wanted one, it's always worked for me. I can separate sex and a relationship. If you can do that, then I don't discourage it. I also have BOB, but BOB after awhile just gets boring. I sometimes just like the real deal. LOL. But I also never have gone without sex. It's not within me. My hormones always starve for sex. Lot's of women don't have that problem. I wish I didn't, but I do. Poor me.
Hugs,
Catherine
I think you should look at this from your dd's perspective. She had just heard you on the phone saying her father absolutely could have come to see her and didn't. Maybe she already knew that but it's a tough thing for an 11 year old to hear said out loud. If I were her I would have felt stabbed in the chest right then. And you were yelling, so she was yelling. If you set an example that you yelling at your ex is okay, she is going to believe yelling at you is okay. I think it would be better if you kept conversations like this away from the kids, meaning they are not in the house. It's not going to help them get through the divorce if they have to witness that. I recently read a book entitled "Ex-etiquette" that might help you out in dealing with your ex. The bottom line is it is not your job to get him to visit his children. It is your job to be there for your children and help them to feel safe and secure and that you will always be there for them.
I didn't wait until my divorce was final to date. I understand why waiting is a good idea. But in my case my marriage had not been a real marriage for a long time, we didn't fight, everything was amicable, custody arrangements were agreed to, in place and working well when I started to date. I don't have any regrets doing that. I have plenty of time to date because my ex has dd every other week (50/50 custody). But when I was growing up my mom had us all the time, we only went to my dad's 2 months each summer. I never knew this, but there were lots of times we went to my grandparents house and that was the time my mom used for dating. Don't feel bad asking for help. You need a break and some time to yourself. If your ex isn't going to take the children, then find a friend or relative that can take them every so often for you, or get a babysitter.
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