Wow, my friend put me on online dating
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Wow, my friend put me on online dating
| Sat, 03-12-2005 - 5:32am |
Hi I'm a single mother of three girls. I've been seperated for 2 years and divorced actually today is one month. I don't go out much, and not into the bar scene, I put my children first and have been dealing with the past. Now that the past is over and will be my friends want me to go out moore, I'm 33 and although when I do go out I do have fun, I don't like the bar scene, I find that some of the men you meet are usually their for one reason. So my friend put on a few online dating sources, lol. She said, "that if i don't want to go out this is the next best thing." I'm over whlelmed at all the responses I have gotten, I've gone through them all and sent emails back and forth, alot of my family say's, its dangerous. My thoughts on this is that, I'm smart enought to see red flags, in emails, yes they can lie, but I find that I get more information from the online men, then some of the men i meet when i do go out for example, Age, marital status, kids or no, jobs, income which i don't really care about,(i had money and beleibe me its not everything i've learned)what they are interested in, what they look for, etc. Yes, I know they too can be lies, but I feel that this way you know a little more and can communitcate better then at a bar for one nite. I'm just amazed at the emails and winks,or im, or pms, i get. Let me tell you what a self esteem booster they can be lol, regardless if true or not,lol. I've gone on a couple of dates, and one I've made a friend and one LOL I don't think will call me again, we met at a resturant for drinks, I had h2o, I'm not a big drinker, so I wanted a clear head, yes I was nervous, He was a nice guy but then he would ask about my divorce and then started talking about making love at diffrent places, So i started to get this flag like uh not so much. So I looked at him and said I need to go and left,lol i couldn't beleive i did it, just got up and left. but you know what, It was my right, so i did it. I'm not looking for a long term relationship now, just to go out and have fun. I feel weird though if I go on a lot of dates, with different men, kind of pigish,lol, but is it ok to date like that? I don't mean sleep with all thease men at all. I've always had a boyfriend never really dated alot, so I'm wondering is it ok, I've gotten alot of emails and haven't answered just because i dont want to email a ton of men at once. I also dont want to, I don't know it's really weird that so many men are like, emailing me, I'm confuesed. lol
laura
laura

Hi Laura,
Welcome! (Although I kow I have seen you post here before - but wanted to say it again!) :-)
I think you are a very smart woman with good intuitions, from what I have read so far. You have a clean slate now and a chance at a whole new life. You sound like a great mom since you mentioned you put your kids first. Bravo!!
I think the online dating thing is good when you are first starting out. Like you said, you do have a lot more info on someone than when you just meet in person. I always liked to know relationship status, job, kids, preferences, religion, stuff like that.
I think you will gain valuable dating experience. Your first date was very impressive in my opinion. Because I think it is wonderful that you only ordered water and that you got up and left when he started mentioning making love in different places. He made it clear he was looking for only one thing and his behavior was totally inappropriate for the first date. You are very smart and very strong to have done that.
With all that in mind, I think as long as you won't put up with that sort of thing and you have a strong sense of red flags you will do fine. You will discover yourself and what you want for a mate/soulmate. You will learn to read people and learn to ditch the ones that don't work for you. This is all good stuff.
But I have to add my opinion/experience/summary of online dating. Can you meet the one? Certainly. But is it likely? I don't think so after almost 2 years of doing that. I don't do online dating anymore. Although I learned a LOT and would highly recommend it and do it again, I just got too burned out on the process to want to continue. I want to meet someone in the course of my real life - and to develop a real friendship first.
I met a lot of toads online - maybe this has to do with my age and age group since I am 10 years older than you. I feel that it puts the whole relationship in a wierd situation with a lot of expectations right off the bat.
For the first time in my life I want the real thing - someone who will be my best friend and bring out the best in me and meet my needs. And I for him. No more flings for me. And I am not in a rush. I have been divorced for 4 years now. I have developed a lot of really neat interests and a lot of great friends. So I am okay to wait.
I hope this helps you. I think you are doing the right thing for you now. AND I am hoping you keep us posted - it will sure be fun to hear all of your stories!!!!!!!!!
Good luck and stay safe!!
laura