WWYD re: Teens and Drugs
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WWYD re: Teens and Drugs
| Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:44am |
Okay, so the reason why Hiker couldn't make the road trip with me as planned, to pick up the kids yesterday.
He found out yesterday early in the morning, that his 14-yr old DS was caught using pot and drinking. Apparently one of DS's friend's mom called because she knew he was hanging out with another boy who lived near them- and that they were seen playing around with the stuff.
So Hiker was shocked! And a bit angry and distraught (as angry or distraught as HE gets anyway- he seemed so CALM about it) but he was clearly upset and disappointed in his son. So he came over and told me about it, and we talked about it. And told me he couldn't come with

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Well................the matching clothes could be so they don't lose each other, LOL.
Thanks soccermom (we now have TWO soccermoms here now, don't we?!!) and I agree- the teen years are going to bring all sorts of new challenges that toddlers never did!
And after re-reading my original post, I meant that Hiker was going to have to do the Big Talk- not meaning a big talk about drugs. I know they've done THAT before- and I agree... there is not an age that is too young, once they are in elementary school, and that's sad! I remember that it just wasn't that big of a problem when I was a kid, and we were all so innocent for so much longer than kids are these days! But anyway, the Big Talk was going to be the big Lay-Down-The-Law talk, where the DS was going to get his punishments for doign what he did. And to explain himself, I suppose. I know I would want MY kids to explain themselves to me, if I was in that situation. I know he lost his new Christmas iPod and his cell phone- the 2 things that he "can't live without". I'm not sure what else Hiker and his ex decided to do about all this, but that's their business. I know he is going to have to earn his trust and privileges back.
I guess I'm just poking the board for input just for ideas in case I ever have to face anything like this on my own. I was at a loss at to what to tell him.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I guess I'm just poking the board for input just for ideas in case I ever have to face anything like this on my own. I was at a loss at to what to tell him.
Wish I could give you some words of wisdom to you for your Hiker. With what I've been going through with my DD14 (and yes she admitted to trying pot also) I'm totally winging it almost. Course she had her most prized possessions taken from her (cell phone/computer) and is in lockdown for an indefinite period of time. I keep reminding myself to love her through this. She asked me just today when the lockdown would end and my answer to her was I'm not sure because I can't trust her.
I don't care how well you have prepared them or how well you are prepared for all of it, I think it boils down to the kid. It's like it doesn't matter how well they have been raised, they could be sittin in church in the front pew every Sunday. The temptations are there, the pressures are real and it's up to them as a person to walk away.
I'll say a prayer for Hiker tonight, shrimps. I know how devastated he is. You think you raise your kid to have some sense about them and they totally prove you wrong. It's not a good feeling at all. Then you start blaming yourself, what you should have done different. The answer to that is nothing....as I said above, it's up to them be strong enough to walk away.
OMG Shrimps - what a drama you have had - and not at all your fault. Thank goodness your boys are home safe with only the annoyance of looking like they were camping in the woods for a while!!
My heart goes out to Hiker - because I know he has been a good dad and involved from what you say. You ask what would I do? I would be online finding support forums and I would be in a counselor's office and stuff like that. And I would take away privileges and at the same time keep him busy and accountable for where he goes every minute. But I would want to reward him too. Sort of the blitzkrieg approach.
As an aside - I think most of us experimented with at least some form of mild partying or such when we were younger - and the thing that kept me from getting in trouble was a job. I was too busy working and doing homework to do much else past my freshman year in HS. Busy busy must be the motto. And maybe some sort of friend selection and the parents getting together?
Keep us posted - I hope my babbling a thousand ideas helps you or Hiker in some way.
How expensive is a drug test?
Thanks ladies! (Where is ZEN on this matter?!?? And what is the update on him about his GF's DS and his drug use stuff??)
Anyway, Emma- thanks for sharing about your DD14 (again)- because I think that is what Hiker was going to do. Take away the "prized possessions", grounding the DS, and keeping a more watchful eye as if the teen was still 6 and can't be left at home alone unsupervised. Only time will tell, as to how all of that works, because it's never a good thing to take a step back with a teen. Especially when teens all think they are MORE grown up than they are... I know, as I've been one of those teens myself. You never want to be treated like a little kid again! And for what? In their eyes, they thought they were doing "grown up things" by experimenting...
If anything has come out of this, is that I know Hiker's DS is not my responsibility, but MY kids are... and this whole incident has made me realize that I wouldn't know what else to do should it be one of MINE that was doing this! So maybe it's time to start hunting down the parenting of teens books to start learning ideas- even though neither of my kids
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Wow, Shrimps.
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