WWYD re: Teens and Drugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
WWYD re: Teens and Drugs
19
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:44am

Okay, so the reason why Hiker couldn't make the road trip with me as planned, to pick up the kids yesterday.


He found out yesterday early in the morning, that his 14-yr old DS was caught using pot and drinking. Apparently one of DS's friend's mom called because she knew he was hanging out with another boy who lived near them- and that they were seen playing around with the stuff.


So Hiker was shocked! And a bit angry and distraught (as angry or distraught as HE gets anyway- he seemed so CALM about it) but he was clearly upset and disappointed in his son. So he came over and told me about it, and we talked about it. And told me he couldn't come with

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:26am

First of all, I'm wondering if the DS's girlfriends parents know what's going on. If they do, maybe the girlfriend and her parents would be a good influence for him. Could be that he's fixin' to get an ear full from them also.

One thing I have definitely found teens, like adults, have to vent or they will explode. Even though DD is on lock down, I ALLOW her to talk on the phone (landline only) to only a select few and her time is restricted. I know for a fact they gave her an ear full about the irrational decisions she made. So she's hearing from her closest friends the same things I told her, only it's not coming from Mom, KWIM? Peer pressure works the other way too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:38am

"First of all, I'm wondering if the DS's girlfriends parents know what's going on. If they do, maybe the girlfriend and her parents would be a good influence for him."

Just so I don't get a bunch of eggs thrown at me from everyone for my way of thinking, I forgot to add after the above:

If they don't know, would they even want him hanging around their daughter to begin with? That's a whole other can of worms. I don't know if Hiker knows her parents, but out of courtesy, I would make them aware of what is going on and that he is on top of things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:45am

Emma~


(I know that's your DOG's name, and not yours, but for some reason, I still call you that)


I know Hiker said that his DS could still contact his friends via phone- but only on the house phone. No personal cell phone or texting or any of that. I'd asked him, too- when he was going to let DS have his stuff back, and he said he didn't know. I sure hope he will come up with some SET PARAMETERS for DS earning his things back... not just letting him have them back whenever Hiker is feeling "nice" again, and caves. I've heard DS beg and plead for stuff many times before... and I think he's learned that if he begs and pleads and pesters enough... Hiker will give in. It's not good!!! I just know that if MY kids start acting that way (and they're even MUCH younger than his DS!)- I put a stop to it, because I don't even want to keep hearing the begging and pleading, because I refuse to change my mind! lol


Sometimes the differences in parenting is glaring... even if our underlying values

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:10pm

I don't know - I think it is a matter of him being a guy - some guys are very nice and they let the kids get away with a lot and the moms are more of a disciplinarian. He gets huge credit for doing the boyscout thing with him for so long. I just think he needs to switch gears with the activities (be more teen oriented) and be more on top of him. I could let it slide for New Year's - but he should not let it slide after that.

This is something to watch. I guess I would rather see someone be too nice than too mean. But it is the holidays. And maybe he will listen to your ideas - this could be a way for you to have more dialog and grow. And you do have to be on the same page for how to handle family matters if you want to go more forward I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:13pm

"I know that's your DOG's name, and not yours, but for some reason, I still call you that"

That's okay, she's a pretty cool dog! lol and besides...I've been called worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 1:11pm

I have no idea what might be behind the scenes in Hiker's decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 2:05pm

Those are good points, Soonee. Poor Shrimps - she has been through so much to have the first Xmas without her mom, her brother having marriage problems, her exh sick with colon cancer and the kids coming back like that - never mind being a single mom and now this.

I thought of something else, Shrimps, you will just have to wait and see how things go over time with all of this. Have you met his son? Is he normally a good kid and just made a mistake?

You are so sweet to offer that you would not want to make plans with him so he can stay at home with his DS.

I bet he never thought of dealing with DS on New Year's - it is probably something he plans on dealing with after the holidays. But that is probably not the tactic I would take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 2:18pm

Yes, Judy- I have met his son. We've gone on trips together, I've been to their house many times, (with my boys and without), he's been to my house,

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:05pm

I know that kids experiment and usually come out ok, if they don't get lost along the way.


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