X lost DS during visit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
X lost DS during visit
3
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 1:33pm

Last weekend my DS, who's 6 1/2yrs old, went for weekend visitation with my X. Normally my X works or is generally too busy (lazy) to be with DS (don't ask why he asks for him as I don't know) so DS spends most of his visits with X's GF (also OW from 4 yrs ago). X and his GF have a DS together as well that is not yet 1 yr old. This weekend DS comes home and tells me X's GF lost him in a store AGAIN! DS tells me he looked up and X's GF was gone. He walked around looking for her before going to the cashier in tears and asking her to help him find his mom (I’m sure it was easier for him to say mom than explain our family) This is not the first time this has happened!!! My X is not the type to take criticism so I’m not sure how to approach him about this (we've been D about 3 1/2 yrs). Obviously his GF has a hard time taking my DS out in public. She's probably not used to boys being boys and might have been distacted by her own DS. Last time this happened X was with them and they both lost him in wal-mart.
X does many thing that I believe endanger my DS during visits. DS is very fair skinned and X won't put sun block on his face. X tells me DS needs some sun because I’m "trying to make him an albino." I’ve had skin cancer and try to keep my DS out of the sun.
Also X lost his license yrs ago for habitual DUIs and isn't supposed to drive. He’s gone to rehab and I haven't seen or heard of him drinking in at least 6 months but he still drives. I’ve told DS that IF his dad ever gets pulled over with him in the car he's to ask the police to call his mother, since I know X will be going to jail.
Without a high dollar lawyer I don't feel I can stop this behavior.

Any suggestions?
I thought about calling the X's GF and telling her what my DS said. Give her a chance to tell me her side then ask her to Please Please keep a better eye on DS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 1:48pm
Did your DS tell you how bad he was lost. Like, was he lost for 5 minutes or 30 minutes? Where did he go that he got lost? I know your DS is a child and very young but did he walk away while she happened to turn her back for a second, because it does happen. I have 3 children, I've lost my daughter a time or two, now it was just in a clothing rack or something and I flipped out and started having a panic attack and couldn't breathe while screaming her name and she would pop out and say hey mommy, and I'd basically almost start crying and know what feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest. All I'm saying is kids do crazy things and then realize later that what they did was wrong, so they get scared. My advice to you, call the GF and ask her why she didn't tell you and why your son had to tell you for you to know anything about it. Tell her calmly, this is my child, you have a child, how would you feel in my situation? Tell her to please keep an eye on him better, he is a boy, and boys will be boys. He needs a little more supervision, than he apparently got. Hopefully she can learn her from this mistake and better control an outing again. I know accidents can prove harmful, but that may be what this is, an accident. If your X was with them, then tell him he needs to watch him, while his GF has their child and that way there is a parent per child, if thats how it has to be. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 2:15pm

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I just feel bad for you. I fear that my exh will lose DS in a crowd. My son is 7 years old and is somewhat autistic and he doesn't have the people skills to ask a cashier or anyone else for help.

You might need to get a lawyer. But, I think the judge will say that kids get lost in the store all the time and I don't know how much a judge would listen to the sunblock thing. These judges tend to view moms as overprotective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:31pm

I would SO want to report him for driving without a license with that history. Really I would. But that is easy for me to say since I don't depend on him for child support.

I think the best thing you can do now is to help DS realize he has to stay with them better. Because I don't think those two are going to change. DS also has to realize to ask for them to put on sunscreen - or to wear a shirt and put it on his face himself. Maybe you can buy him one of those cool surfing shirts and hats - I see a lot of kids wearing them instead of having to deal with sunscreen.

Sorry you have to go through this!

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