From Yahoo: The Zest Test

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
From Yahoo: The Zest Test
7
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 4:39pm

I found this off Yahoo. I do look to be with people who are positive. I don't care how physically attractive a woman is if she is not positive, friendly, open, or compassionate.

I *work* on being happy which seems like a contradiction but you can say it's a spiritual practice for me. I want to be aware of how I am feeling and work on shifting my mood and outlook when I'm not in the positive frame of mind.

Mark
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The zest test

An attractive, successful, intelligent, sexy 48-year-old man told me on our first date that he’d only had two other dates in the last 3.5 years. I asked why.

“I’m not attracted to most women.”

This was unusual, as I’d heard that many men are attracted to a lot of women who meet their physical criteria. So I probed.

“What are most women lacking that make you not attracted to them?”

zestHe thought for a moment. “A zest for life. Gusto. Joie de vivre. Most of the women I talk to are complaining about something — exes, bosses, money, their bodies, men, life. It sucks the wind out of me. A beautiful woman complaining is suddenly unattractive. But an attractive woman who is upbeat, positive and fun becomes stunningly beautiful. It’s very much part of your allure to me.”

I was flattered. I hadn’t really thought about my attitude and how it compared to other women. Since I hang out with positive, upbeat people, when I encounter negative complainers I high-tail it out of the situation as quickly as possible. So I understood what he was talking about. But I found it interesting that he found so many women were down about life.

It reminded me how important those first encounters are with a new person. Not that you should be obsessively guarded about what you say, but I think we should be conscious of the impression we’re giving. If you have challenges, it’s OK to share them, but not on the first date or two. Save them for a little later, if you have any interest in seeing the guy again.

Early on in my post-divorce dating life I hadn’t quite figured this out. I remember scratching my head after several first dates I thought went well, then I got the “we’re not a match” email afterward. Looking back on the conversations, I noticed a trend. We would swap stories about our exes, both of us complaining about how or why the ex left. I thought we were bonding through commiseration. I think part of why there wasn’t an attraction is that complaining is rarely attractive — even if you both seem to be doing an equal amount of it. You’d think complainers would band together — and sometimes they do. But I don’t think it’s good date behavior.

So before a first date, think about the things in life for which you have passion. If need be, make a list. When it’s your turn to share, talk about what excites you. Even if it something that holds no interest for him, it’s hard to be bored when someone is expressing their passion. If he shows some interest in your topic, great. Ask what he’s passionate about, as well. Very few people are asked that question and it will show you’re focused on positives.

Do you feel you have zest? If so, how do you express it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 8:52pm

I think I have too much zest. I must say I agree with this - but do ring the tune that it goes BOTH ways.

Let us all take the time to get more ZEST in our lives!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:08am

Zest!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 1:24pm

Mark,


Great post..seems to be a theme here today! Being positive. Wow do I need that reminder, even in a current relationship this attitude is crucial.


I could bring my guy DOWN with all financial, personal and

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 1:53pm

I am aware of the difference of coming across as a victim versus wanting an empathetic ear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 12:37pm

I'm glad you posted this. It's good to be reminded that you have to "work" on being happy and look at it as a "spiritual practice". I tend to get bogged down by just things in general but then some days you'd think I didn't have a care in the world.

One thing that lifts me up is a song by Keith Urban, "Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me". It's a catchy tune and very upbeat. If I sing that to myself a little that helps. Even better, listening to it while driving on a country road with the sunroof open and the volume up as loud as it will go.

It's funny how I forget to do that. Thanks for the reminder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 7:29pm

Zest! Great post.. I find myself being aware of the funny stories that happen in my life so that when i'm around a guy or whoever, i'll be able to share that story.. I'm sharing something personal and also being positive about life... It seems EVERYDAY something funny happens to me.. I have a million fun and funny stories to tell.. (which is what i tend to talk about on a date...)

Were these things always happening to me.. probably... but only when i keep my eyes open for them do i have stories to tell... otherwise, i'm sure i could be as negative as the next.. So, my conclusion is that it isn't about what's happening in our life (whether it is homelessness, a car crash, a long stressful day or a pay raise, a holiday, or being right all the time). In every situation, I can be positive and share a good conversation with someone...

For example, yesterday for Halloween my 4 year dressed up as Cinderella... She was playing in one of those air bouncy jumpy things.. when she came out, she was wearing only ONE glass slipper.. LOL... I laughed sooo hard.. Cinderella lost her slipper. She was able to go back and find it.

I feel like i collect those little stories throughout the day, so that i can reflect on how wonderful my life is at the end of the day. Praise God!!

:-D,

Loonybunny

btw, do you like my wig photo? this is my son's halloween wig and we all took turns taking a picture in it...

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:27pm

You look FAB-U-LOUS in that wig!

Mark