Yet Another First 4 me...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Yet Another First 4 me...........
11
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:58am

Remember I posted that Spain and I had not even brought up our ages and I thought I knew his ...........well finally his age slipped

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 11:45am

I can understand the reluctance to share too much too soon. However how I see it is that if we are willing to share the most intimate aspect about us, i.e. our bodies sexually then why can't we share the other things? I've read that people are more reluctant to talk about their finances than their sex lives with others.

I have no advice. I can only share how I approach relationships and revealing my "shames" with others. I seek intimacy and that means having the other person know who I am. That means I want to be as transparent and authentic as possible. Does that mean I show people my tax returns? No.

But I do share what is bothering me at the moment. I do share what is significant that is going on in my life at the moment. I do not give history unless I am asked. My rule-of-thumb is "at the moment" because that is what I have with the other person, i.e. this moment.

What you see, is what you get. I would rather know if someone does not like me sooner than later. I do not want to fool someone into liking part of me and have the need to hide the other parts.

Mark





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 11:57am

He sounds really nice. For some reason, I cannot remember where you two are in your relationship? Are you still dating? Or exclusive? How long have you known him?

Maybe you want to mention you are going for tests? And have to wait and see and get a second opinion.

It almost sounds like this one will surprise you and support you more.

I am sorry you are so stressed with so many worries. We all have times like that in our lives and it is never easy, never mind when you are a single mom. My fingers are crossed for you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 12:12pm

West, met on NY eve, next day he volunteered that me he has lots of friends who are girls but he wanted to assure me he doesnt sleep with more than one, and I told him i dont either, so I took that as once we were intimate we are exclusive.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 12:16pm

good points Mark as always!

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 12:21pm

This sounds good. I think you have to remember what Soonee said somewhere in these threads - what does he need to know right now in our relationship. Don't delve and dredge up the past because it is the past and you are the one who needs to deal with that. And don't think too far ahead.

It sounds to me as though the job/financial thing can be sorted out with TIME. Maybe that is something you can work a little on - to see what you can do to give yourself some breathing room? Or to bring in more money to ease it up?

And the health situation may just need the right doctor that believes in more conservative methods?

Keep us posted. This one sounds very nice. I am sure he appreciates your strengths and just wants to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 12:31pm

sound advice again West, and yes he really seems like a great catch, Im almost surprised he is single!


Yes I am literally working on the financial aspect as we speak, it didnt help that this condo I am going to see is in his same complex - sheesh - I mean, can you imagine how that will look, but hey if I pull this off, I will be only steps from him as if I am that far right now - all of about 3 miles!LOL


ok I do need to try not to look too much into the future - tho I do not do that with this relationship as I was/am but definately do that with the other stuff way too much, but I feel its my way of planning.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 1:06pm
No - I would focus on the two of you and if he brings it up discuss it more as you feel - or thank him for his help. But I wouldn't ask him how that made him feel. Just go forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 2:03pm
one more question, Im trying to decide if it was wrong of me to say "im stressing over a couple of things" then refuse to expand, and i guess im stressing over this more becos last w/e i needed alone time and I cant help thinking he is going to think I am an emotional basketcase - which I am right now LOL, but once the meds kick in and some of the big issues are resolved, I won't be.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 2:17pm
Well, I figured it was a timing thing - who would want to launch into all that stuff in the middle of the night when everyone needs sleep. And your issues need time and the relationship needs time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 2:24pm
very true, and i am probably worrying unnecessarily and feeling I owe him an explanation - remnants from the old me!!LOL

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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