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| Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:16am |
Okay. So the golfer (the one who lives here and makes over $100K a year) had last taken me on a breakfast date. Then tried to kiss me in a strip mall in the morning after such breakfast. I wasn't feeling any attraction to him and was bordeline turned off by his effiminate facial expressions. I guess he realized that because he never called again. He wrote 2 notes - how are you doing? - One to which I responded - fine how are you? He gets the same effort he gives here. The second note I ignored because if truth be told, I am crazy about the lifeguard!!
Okay - so a few days ago I am swimming in my neighborhood community pool. I did about 70 laps (half a workout - LOL!!). I was not wearing contacts because I basically follow the black line on the bottom of the pool and I hate getting the chlorine in the contacts. After my swim I went to the shower to rinse off. Someone called my name - or so I thought - and when I looked up I did not see anyone. Then they called it out again. I didn't recognize the person and apologized - said - I am sorry - I cannot see who you are without my glasses! He says it is "golfer" - and I say oh yes - how are you? We have a rather awkward conversation because basically his eyes fell out of his head when he saw me in my bathing suit and I don't like him and didn't want to encourage him and felt funny being in my bathing suit and running into a match.com person.
So, here is where his true colors come out. Golfer sends me a message through my match.com account - he first asks how I am doing and then goes right into saying that he was telling his friends all these great things about me and admiring me and that I made him feel really bad since I didn't recognize him in front of his friend. Okay - you dope, did you forget the part where I said I was not wearing my glasses? And after he said his name I was very cordial as I could be given the circumstance.
And what kind of note is that anyway. It made me mad - but I just hit the delete button. He thinks he is so cool because of his car which turns me off and our first date was about him answering his cell phone twice in the middle of lunch to deal with a friend going through a bad divorce and discussing the whole issue of divorce. And then he wonders why he got what he got! HAHAHAHA
The lifeguard on the other hand obviously comes from a more simple background but he has a heart of gold. I am finding out so many good things. He took me to a Police concert as a surprise in the middle of the week and I loved it. Tomorrow we are going on a long bike ride. He calls and texts every day and wants all my free days.
I will keep you posted.

OMG! That is soo exciting and awesome that you and the lifeguard are enjoying one another so much! I just think it's wonderful and here is a big: HUGGGGGGGG! :)
You sound really happy and bubbly when you talk about him. That is just too cool! Now I have lost track with how long you both have now been going out. 3 weeks? And exactly what are you guys doing? Have you talked about seeing only one another or are you both just going with the flow? Any hints from him?
What are the most endearing traits that you are finding in him?
That Golfer would TICK me off!! The nerve and WHAT A JERK. I agree, it's good you just deleted it all and don't give him the time of day for a response. I can't stand when people answer the cell phones or start texting during dinner, etc.
We started emailing each other the first week of June. Then it was a first date, a beach meeting by chance (I was riding and my car was parked right next to him!!), then more conversations, silly text messaging during the day, and dates. I think we are both going to go exclusive. We have both been making plans for the future together and he tells me where he is every waking minute. And I like that! If he doesn't bring it up on our ride I am going to ask him about it. I think he wants it but is afraid to ask - that is my gut feeling.
He is endearing in so many ways. How he talks about his son, his dad, his work, me, he likes my dogs, on and on. Plus we are going to do a race together soon. And that is fun to talk about as well. He is helping me with my wheels because the tires are so tight that if I get a flat I cannot get them off. And I like that too!! :-)
I am definitely trying my best to keep as LOW key and unaffected by Mr. History. Saying NO to dates that I really want to say yes to. It's horrible, but I have this ULTRA fear of feeling freaked out again, suffocated or hurt again, so I'm being EXTREMELY cautious with him. And the major thing is, I DEFINITELY do not want to freak out on him if he upsets me in anyway. My temper can be so IRISH if I feel wronged in anyway. Therefore, I'm worried when it might happen and be prepared to try and be as cooool as possible. BUT OMG! When I get bent out of shape, it is soo hard to remain calm!!
I think you will get more people on the line if you get good ones to choose from. I think I just got lucky with that since so many wrote - OH - and it helped to be out of state for a week and all I could do was write - LOL!!
I think I have stopped trying to find "the one" and that has helped me have peace with this whole thing. Because we can't know if anyone is "the one" until we spend a lot of time. I have focused more on my interaction with my dates and how they like me and perceive me and how much fun I have with them. I want someone who likes all of my strengths and admires those traits. Not someone who wants to change me. Most guys don't like how fit I am - they freak when I run 10 miles or it makes them feel inferior. I don't want to stop my triathlon stuff just to be a wife. That won't work for me. And I don't want to just let anyone in my home and mess up my situation with my DS or be mean to him. And I don't want more kids. Don't need the house with the picket fence - already have that. So dating at 45 is much different because I am different from when I was in my 20s and 30s.
I have grown a lot in my 7 years since my divorce. I think the biggest deal is that I have found what makes me happy and I am a lot more financially strong now. So I don't need someone and I am not really looking to get married again. Would just like a fun boyfriend I can depend on for a while - see where it goes.
I think I have focused more on fun for me than on the big bad check list. I don't want to sit at a 3 hour dinner listening to someone's stories about all their business clients or watching their cell phone ring off the hook while we are trying to talk. Or having them travel all the time for work. I want companionship. I want fitness. I want flirting and fun. I want a kind heart. I want someone into me. And I want to be into them.
Edited to add: I have learned a lot about OLD from here and from my experience. And I have taken sort of a forensic approach to the first interactions - is he listening and receptive to what I want to do for a date? Does he call frequently and have time? I think "accomodating" is the key! You want a guy who is accomodating. Because women are usually naturally accomodating and nurturing.
Edited 7/12/2007 2:45 pm ET by cl-west1745
Golfer is a first class jerk.
Thanks, Soonee. He really surprised me. I think it is one of those things where a guy finally realizes he is over the hill and needs to have a match instead of just a skirt. He has said many things that make me think this. And many things that make me think we are a match from what I see so far.
The thing is that he is the oldest of three kids. And is smart. But quiet. The laid back lifestyle and frolics of the past could make you think he is just out for fun. But he is not.
We took a road trip - went up and back the same day - and he took a vacation day to do this which I liked. We went on a long bike ride in the hills where we will be racing in the fall. So I got to learn a lot on the trip. By talking of course - we talked a lot. But also by observing. One of the things I like the most is that he is very sweet and accommodating and generous. He drove the whole way and insisted on paying for all of our meals. He bought me sunglasses. And he is a good driver. He is patient and cool headed which I like a lot. And he is careful. Plus he is good at staying on a budget and doing stuff around his house - I like that a lot.
One of the things that struck me was when we were in the parking lot. He had a fit because he thought I was going to step out in traffic so he grabbed me. And when we were riding he made me wait until all the cars went through this one intersection before we crossed (most cyclists dash through and take bigger risks than I like so that was a big deal to me). And he wanted me to set the pace because he didn't want to go too fast for me. But we did race each other in the hills. If there was a hill preceded by a downhill he can beat me because he descends faster - but if there is a long slow climb then I have him!! That made it fun. We got soaked in the rain and had a laugh.
We were talking about all of the races we want to do. He is bringing his family to the race in Arizona and said I can bring DS so that DS can hang out with them while we race. He has 2 separate rooms for us - and that is in the spring of 2008 so that there is lots of time between. But I like that very much. DS would love to see me finish an IM and it is the place of his birth.
We are now exclusive, too.
That is soooo wonderful to hear, Judy! I hope everything continues to go well for you and you two. Sounds like you might've found yourself your own "Hiker". :-)
**edited to add... that I find it VERY interesting that many of the things you mentioned about him that you really liked- are just not things you could specify on any OLD profile, really. You just have to SEE them in the other person for yourself to know that you like it all. Alot. :-)
~shrimpy
Edited 7/14/2007 9:36 pm ET by shrimpychimps
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
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