You won't BELIEVE this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Sun, 06-12-2005 - 3:24pm |
My boyfriend and I broke up. We basically did it simuteaneously. Both for the same but different reasons. Drugs. I know that he was involved in a bad streak after his divorce from his wife last year and he got involved in some pretty bad stuff; but mainly cocaine. However, he said he had been on an everyday binge and then quit cold turkey in December 2004, so only 6 months ago and left all the people behind that were doing it with him.
Still very NEW but I accepted that he had a bad streak, knew he was getting help from his church and his therapist, so I never dwelt on that. NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, with everything that happened last weekend with my best friend, something else came up. HIS best friends and him were going out (they are a bunch of married couples and he's the only single one) and he told me, that his friends all decided on a last minute party and called up the drug guy for some coke. These SUPPOSED friends, asked Scott to join along, he said NO THANKS and walked out. However, he said he was so tempted. I thought he got rid of those friends? When I talked to him about it the next day, he ignored me and didn't want to discuss it. Then he went out with them again that night and started acting real strange with me. I told him AGAIN, that I wanted nothing to do with the scene and nothing to do with people of that kind and not be confronted with it and MOST definitely not my children even REMOTELY involved. His married couple friends ALL have kids! They are all in their mid 30`s. He then again ignored my worries, he hasn't tried to calm me down and since I told him that, he basically has treated me really badly this week. I'm absolutely shocked about the whole situation and we were supposed to see each other in 10 days and I finally told him, that I couldn't do it. I didn't tell him why anymore, but I told him that it seemed that he has been acting very strange and very unsupportive this week and I feel like he has changed. I didn't know how to tell him the truth, because he has ignored it this whole time. Even the night before, he said we are going to party and I said, I'm sorry, but I am really not interested. I want my quiet, want to spend time with him and hoped he would promise that we could do that. He ignored the comment again and when I wrote him an email to tell him I didn't think this was working afterall. All the wierdness lately has just been to much stress and pressure and he seems to be completely off the wall, he called me up and told me NEVER to contact him again. He then emailed me, to remind me NEVER to contact him again. I'm absolutely sick over this. I spoke to my cousin who knew nothing that he had abused drugs, but when I spoke of his strange behaviour, etc. she said, that it sounds from his reaction and the strange way he's been acting and that he has serious stress at work (she knew this part, that I didn't), that it sounds that he might still be using.
I am speechless. I am just totally upset. I don't know if I should let things just go, or try to talk to him when I get their. Or if I should wait until I move over or if I should just let it end like it did.
Ladies, this guy is really a wonderful guy. He is very sweet, he's taken a huge amount of time for me, we've been so great together, but the whole drug scene just absolutely BLEW MY MIND, no matter him or his friends, it's not for me. Not something I can mix my children up. I've been down that road before when I was a teenager and early twenties. I walked away from it. That chapter has closed. I don't ever want to be involved or know people who are in this. Especially in their 30's. He obviously thinks it's OK for his friends to do this every so often. I don't think anything about it is OK. I think he talked to his friends about how upset it made me, or he didn't, but somewhere he decided if I was against his friends now or that maybe he really still did have a problem and I found out, that he rather just let me hang and choose HIS friends over me. HOw can REAL friends, who supposidly know he doesn't do this anymore, ASK HIM TO????? WHAT IS WRONG with this PICTURE???? This is all in a nutshell, but honestly, their is more detail, that would definitely make you think, as I do, that he is still into the scene.
I'm shocked and just sick. I don't know how I can fly over in 10 days and act like he never existed. I won't contact him, but I am just sooo upset and crying my eyes out.
What should I do? I'm absolutely speechless!

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Cat,
I'm glad that my words and experience have been some help to you. I know it's hard to just give up and seemingly throw in the towel on what "might have been". But you are doing the right thing in ending it and believing in yourself. This man has too much on his plate for you in his life, and hopefully losing you will make a difference and he will work on himself, but you can't wait around for it, nor can you live with it in the hopes.
I understand when you don't get that feeling of closure it's harder to move on, but just accept that you will not get closure from this situation, as he is not the same man when he's using drugs. He will not be able to give you that, and you will just hurt more if you try to get it. So please just close that chapter and leave things lie.
You deserve that person that will be there for you and with you 100%, and you will find them. You will find them because you are unwilling to settle, and you are unwilling to put your daughters through turmoil as the price of being able to just be with someone.
((((hugs)))) ((((((HUGS)))))) and more ((((((hugs)))))
Alison
Please stick to your guns and don't date him. His drug abuse is too recent and appears to be ongoing.
I know it hurts, but you'll be better off in the long run.
Hey Kat,
I just got back from my vacation.
I agree with all of the ladies - no go to this one. And especially with the drug thing. You just have too much at stake and it is just too easy to say next.
Be strong - wait for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right now!!
HUGs, my lady.
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