Your experience and comment for distance
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| Thu, 10-04-2007 - 10:40am |
As I am looking through the matches, I am trying to think about the distance. I really want someone close to me. But the reality is that I live in an area of suburbs of married people. Most of the singles are 20 miles or more east of here or in another city that has bad traffic.
One of the bad things, in my mind and experience, about a distance of 45 minutes to an hour (more than that is really not an option for me) is that you are put in a circumstance where you are tempted to spend the night too often because of the drive. And you lose spontaneity where you can run out for a quick cup of coffee or bite to eat. I don't like the idea of spending the night or a weekend just because we live far away or are in traffic.
But maybe there is something I am overlooking?
What are YOUR thoughts on distance - how has it worked for or against you in the past? Do you really have your best luck with people who are close by?
The other thought too, not to jump too far ahead, is where it can all end up. If you do decide to get married, one has to move of course, but changing cities is not easy in some cases because one of the cities has MAJOR traffic at rush hour to where the drive could easily go more than an hour. AFter dating one person in that city I sort of nixed it.
THANKS!!

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Good afternoon!
I agree that anything over 45 minutes is pushing it a bit - it starts to become a long-distance relationship!
One advantage of 20 miles or so is that you don't get tempted to see too much of each other in the early stages of a relationship. Dates have to be planned and properly thought-out, which I think is a good thing right at the beginning.
Monkey lived about 20 miles away from me at the beginning, but his work is about 5 minutes from mine, so we would meet for lunch once a week, and see each other every other weekend, when the little ones were with their dad. I don't think driving 45 minutes is such a big deal these days, especially seeing as you are not a big drinker, and don't want a partner who is - there would not be an issue of being over the limit, so it would always be safe to drive home. I like a drink or two or three or four when I go out, so it was more of an issue for me. ;o)
Keep 'em within 30 miles and you're sorted!
Clem xx
Okay - those are good points missclemmy. You are such a fun girl - I had a best friend here from the UK and she was just like you!! In fact we went out together because I could be her designated driver!! LOL!!
I do like the positive point that they have to plan ahead. That was certainly the downfall of MrLifeguard who could not plan ahead. And the new article I just posted said it is good to test a relationship that way.
I haven't read the other responses yet but will give my input based on my own experiences with commuting, traffic, going out with friends and meeting people. First, I don't know where you live but 45 minutes is really not long to travel. My morning commute is an hour by the time I drop kids off and everything. Not a big deal and I'm used to it. There are times when there is a traffic tie up and it takes longer than that.
If you aren't in an area with a lot of singles that you will have to look at more people outside of your area. I don't know that you will necessarily lose the spontaneity of a quick meet for coffee. I have friends that live farther away. For a quick visit we meet in the middle. Not a problem. I can't imagine that driving 45 minutes would deter someone from going home. I go that far to meet friends for a drink. I live with urban sprawl and you gotta go farther sometimes.
Of course if there is marriage, then someone will have to move. If that becomes an issue, I would say deal with it then. I would say school districts and work would dictate how that would have to work.
I'm sure that isn't much help but go ahead, pick some guys a little farther away. I'm sure they will certainly drive to you most of the time anyway.
Priscilla
Even though my SO and i live 2 hours apart, i'm not sure my view can help. We started dating when we were both in sales, covering a territory that was between the 2 counties we each lived in.
http://www.whThanks, Priscilla!! That does put it in perspective. You see, I am quite spoiled I guess. I have a 2 second walk from my room to my office for my commute. And DS's school is minutes away and I really love my town - it has the best bike lanes and pool for training.
I have 20 miles right now. That seems doable with the highways. Will see how that goes for a bit.
Hi, I am not in this situation. But if I were to look online, I might put at least 40 to 45 miles range especially living in suburbs.. You are only looking right now. In case things work out one of you can move half way and make in 20 miles around . It gives you more time and better tests for how good the compatibility is, and not just being located conveniently..
My boyfriend lives 2 hours away, I see him 2-3days a week, I'd LOVE to see him more...but right now its not possible, If you feel the guy is worth it..Id say go for it :)
We do the spontaneous stuff..I just need to give him 2 hours notice ;) or vice versa!
There can be a couple of good things about distance.
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Oh wow - he would be perfect because I love long rides!!
AND yes - I have biked with groups, events, all around here in the biking lanes and at races. Have not met anyone that way.
This morning I was at the pool and I was the only girl with 10 hot guys. All my age. BUT BUT BUT - when we were on the kickboards I noticed each one had a RING. That is just the thing with my age group and where I live. But they could all have single friends who are looking? Right?
And yes - go and buy a bike - you are lucky to be with a guy who likes to ride one because it is a really fun way to stay fit and you can explore some neat places on one.
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