Your experience and comment for distance

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Your experience and comment for distance
16
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 10:40am

As I am looking through the matches, I am trying to think about the distance. I really want someone close to me. But the reality is that I live in an area of suburbs of married people. Most of the singles are 20 miles or more east of here or in another city that has bad traffic.

One of the bad things, in my mind and experience, about a distance of 45 minutes to an hour (more than that is really not an option for me) is that you are put in a circumstance where you are tempted to spend the night too often because of the drive. And you lose spontaneity where you can run out for a quick cup of coffee or bite to eat. I don't like the idea of spending the night or a weekend just because we live far away or are in traffic.

But maybe there is something I am overlooking?

What are YOUR thoughts on distance - how has it worked for or against you in the past? Do you really have your best luck with people who are close by?

The other thought too, not to jump too far ahead, is where it can all end up. If you do decide to get married, one has to move of course, but changing cities is not easy in some cases because one of the cities has MAJOR traffic at rush hour to where the drive could easily go more than an hour. AFter dating one person in that city I sort of nixed it.

THANKS!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 8:52am

That's a hard one to answer. Time and distance (IMO) can be SO very subjective- even though time is a measurement and so is distance.


When I lived in a big city (over a million people pop.), driving over 40 minutes to get somewhere to meet up with someone is just going partway across town. Or staying within the same city, even! But where I live now- less than 200,000 pop.- driving over 40 minutes would take me OUT of town completely!! So driving 40 minutes in a big city might be a norm... but if you live somewhat rural or small-town (which you do)- then 40 minutes IS a big deal. And too far for dating, IMO. But again- this is a very personal thing. Some people won't mind it, others want a date who lives much closer.


For me (living where I live now), with the living situation I have now (a single mom, not single-without-kids)... I just wouldn't want to have to drive more than

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 8:58am

Yeah definitely you should make friends with hot or not so hot guys if they appear decent enough.. They might have friends or brothers or

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 9:01am

You see I agree with your thoughts.

But I can see the other points. So, I nudged it from 20 to 30 miles. And wow - the list of possibilities is much better. I live west of the beach. And what is out here is mostly families with kids in suburbiaville. You get a bigger house and better schools and a lot more parks. But nothing for single types. But if you go east closer to the beach you get a lot more singles and active people. Fortunately it is all highway driving so 30 miles is about 30-40 minutes. A little more than 20-25 that I would like and you say, too. But maybe 10 to 15 minutes more from that is not that much, right? And maybe he will work out this way sometimes so it doesn't seem as bad.

90 miles would be way too far for me for sure. Sorry you had to go through that one Shrimps. But at least you were able to share your story here.

I think the "situation" really does matter. Because it is very possible for 2 people to be perfect for each other with regards to personalities, interests, compatibility, chemistry, etc. But the reality of their situations and locations can blow all this to bits. As I have seen too many times before both in dating and reading stories here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 9:04am
That is a really great story - thanks so much for sharing with us!!!! And good luck and keep us posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 9:17am

That seems like a very reasonable compromise. Good for you. And there is always meeting in the middle. I have dated a few guys that were 45 min or more away and they were always willing to drive to me. I think that all comes back to the "into you" thing. I have to say that the area I live in I have to drive at least 15 min to get to any place to grab a drink with a friend and it is over 40 minutes to some of the really great places that I rarely go to mostly because of needing a designated driver.

I also wanted to comment on the hot, married, swimming guys. Be careful there. It is certainly ok for you to talk to them and be friendly but you don't want to have to deal with a jealous wife. I have found that many of my male friends that are married have problems associated with being friends with me now. It was never a problem when I was married but when I became single some of the women just weren't very keen on them even speaking to me. I know it is just their insecurities but no need to stir up trouble. I ignore it for the most part as I have known some of these people for almost 15 years.

Good luck with the search.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 1:12pm

What's an extra 10 miles to you?

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