Your goals for your kids . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Your goals for your kids . . .
9
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 7:09pm
Dr. Phil posed the question: "What are your goals for your child?"

A woman said "as long as she's not pregnant or in jail by the time she's 18 - I've done my job."

My parents kind of felt that way. They wanted us to have good educations and to be "functioning members of society", too.

Looking at that - I think those are pretty weak. As a parent, aren't I responsible for more?

By the time your child is 18, what is your goals/hopes for him/her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:36pm
I have a few simple goals for my dd...

To raise her in a loving supportive home.

To teach her the difference between wrong and right.

To help her develop a healthy dose of self-esteem.

And to provide her with a well-rounded education and a multitude of opportunities to experience life.

I really want her to make her own goals as she grows. I will help her to identify and reach those goals, and may steer her in the right direction when she strays, but I don't think I will be making them for her. For example, she is an excellent swimmer with a very natural talent. If she decides that she wants to pursue this I will support her all the way to the Olympics. However, if she thought that swimming was a terrible punishment and why is she cursed with this talent? I would never force her to cultivate that talent.

My motto is to always "try...give it a shot before you make up your mind." (unless it's illegal or really bad for you). :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 8:59am
i want my daughter to be a well-adjusted adult. i will help her by being a mentor, a teacher, a disciplinarian, a friend. there are so many roles for me that will constantly evolve as she discovers who she is. and when she is ready (i dont mean at 15 when she THINKS she is ready!), i will set her free to be her own woman. (she's only 4, and i think she is trying already - little miss bossy). so thats it for me. love her in all ways and she will be a wonderful woman... like her mom. LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:20am
My goals have been to help them to be thinking people, who don't accept everything they hear or are taught, but can think for themselves. And to teach them kindness...And to expose them to many, many different ways of life, philosophies, cultures...so they can be broad minded and inclusive. Also to help them find what THEY love and want to do with their lives. I try not to have goals for them that are mine, but let them define their goals.

My parents did the usual "be what we wanted to be" thing...my mom wanted to be a teacher so she encouraged me to do that, my dad wanted to be an artist so he tried to mold me into that.

I remember once my ex saying "my goal for you" to me...I never want to do that to anyone.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:10am

I hope Tyler is:


Confident in his choices and who he is.


Gracious in dealing with others.


A person who loves God.


Not abusing any substance.


NOT in a serious relationship, ready to be married.


Has some idea of a career path. Anything reasonable, as long as he follows his heart.


Based on my family pattern, I sincerely pray he is not battling any kind of depression.


Ready to accept that his parents were not perfect, but love him wholeheartedly and have done their very best for him.


NOT in the military!!!


Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:48am
By the time your child is 18, what is your goals/hopes for him/her?

Thanks for asking us - what a good question.

I know I want my son to be happy and successful in his own eyes. I am hoping he will be happily married with a nice wife and children and successful in his career so that he does what he loves and makes enough money without having to work too hard. I am hoping he has good health and no burden too difficult to bear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:03pm
It's so funny that you ask this question. Last night we went out to dinner, as a family. We haven't been out like that in quite a while. We normally have our family meetings at during times like that. I told the kids that the only thing I care about is that they graduate high school, go to college and have good careers where they are making money and are giving their families what they need. I told them that no one is allowed to be an alcoholic, a physical abuser, no drug addicts, no criminals. Now, those are life goals, but goals none the less.

Hugs, Marilyn

CL-Entrepreneurial Women

Business Impressions, LLC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:11pm
I'm going to answer my own question. TT and I have been discussing this ALOT this week.

I want them to be mentally and emotionally healthy.

I hope that they are both chivalrous and gentlemen.

I hope they respect themselves and other people, especially women.

I hope they have faith and believe in God.

I want them to both have done well in high school and have plans for life. THEIR OWN plans, and not plans forced upon them by me, their dads, or society. SO MUCH of what I did I did because I felt "I'm supposed to" and not because I really wanted to, and I do NOT want them to make that same mistake.

I hope they are risk-takers. I want them to have faith in themselves and in their abilities.

I hope they aren't in any serious relationships upon graduating high school. I hope they allow themselves time to figure out what it is they want in life, what it is they value, and don't rush into anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:29pm
Out of curiosity West, would you be disappointed if he didn't choose to get married and/or have children?

I don't think my oldest will have kids. I don't know why, it's just a feeling I have. And as adventureous as he is, I think a wife and children would slow him down from achieving his goals, or prevent him from achieving them all together, and I don't like that thought. I really hope if he DOES get married and have children, that he waits until he is much older than I was - preferably in his late 30s.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 8:58pm
Hmmm - I am not sure. I guess as long as he is happy, I am happy!! Marriage and kids are surely not for everyone. But now he seems to love children and says he wants them. Of course he has a few years to go!! LOL!!