Your idea of a healthy relationship
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Your idea of a healthy relationship
| Fri, 10-05-2007 - 9:01pm |
If someone asked you what you want for a relationship - what would you say? What is YOUR idea of a healthy relationship? No right or wrong. Just fun to hear what everyone has to say. Someone asked me this and I was stumped. So I am going to steal ideas from you guys. I just know that a good one is not going to have all the drama we have shared on this board!! LOL!! :-)

Healthy relationship? Both parties willing to own their stuff, willing to hang in there to work out their differences which means willing to listen as well as the ability to share what is REALLY going on. This means each has to be self aware in order to know what is inside. There is compassion, laughter, humor, and grace between the two people.
I think it's fairly simple but hard to do.
Mark
A healthy relationship should make you feel at peace with yourself
My idea of a healthy relationship is one where both parties are on the same page.
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I think my idea of a healthy relationship is one where the partners in it can communicate in an open and honest way with each other. Neither having to worry about saying the "wrong" thing or being criticized for how they feel or what they need. No two people will agree on everything but in a healthy relationship they can come to an understanding about things and sometimes that means just agreeing to disagree.
I also think it is important to have quality time together alone. Doing things that you both enjoy. Good sex is important as well.
Each should also have some interests, friends and time with others outside the relationship. It is a bad idea not to spend any time together but not having any time with other people can be just as damning. I don't think there is anyone that can get all of their needs met by one person.
A good sense of humor doesn't hurt either.
Priscilla
I found this on match - this guy had sent me a wink and at first I poo pooed his picture because he looks like sort of a redneck - and really he is probably too far away - over an hour - but here is what he writes:
"I would say that I'm best described by my family and friends as being genuine, hard-working and honest, I guess even liars would call themselves honest in this venue:), I'm a little on the ol' fashioned side as far as believing that a true partnership/marriage that two people really have each others' back through thick and thin, trust ! and I mean real trust in one another not looking for negatives in one another but believing in your mate and they know that the other believes in them at all times, even through the tough times. I think chemistry is a must , two have to be on the same page with their ambitions and goals, a slacker in the duo or one feeling obligated in one way or another is a recipe for disaster. I believe the whole thing is summed up in something as simple as a kiss, if we're kissing -really kissing- and the feeling that I can still kiss that person just like that in twenty years then it's a pretty good bet all the other"stuff" is gonna be "good" too. In my mind's eye , I have a vision more or less of the girl of my dreams looks like , as we all do, there'll be magic at first glance that we'll both feel. I guess some might say that i'm dreaming and that never happens, i'm holding out, I believe love is the strongest phenomenon on this planet , is there anyone out there that believes in it too."
I think he has a good point with the trust - that you have to respect each other's minds and develop a trust.
Probably one of the best books I have read on this topic is from marriagebuilders.com - and basically it says that any two people who are mentally sound in any situation can build a good relationship if they:
1) fulfill each other's emotional needs - he gives a list of 10 and states that each person has those in a different order - and we must find out what each other requires and be willing to fulfill those needs
2) avoid love busters - things which annoy or hurt the other person - angry outbursts, selfish judgements, annoying habits
3) practice the policy of enthusiastic agreement - where you both only do stuff that the other enthusiastically agrees on; at first this seems ridiculous and cumbersome - but when he explains it in depth you start to see that anything is possible if you can put your minds together and find a solution to a challenge that you both agree on - it just requires enough creativity, brainstorming and communication. For example, if your partner wants to go out with his friends but you are upset because you don't want to stay alone then you should figure out a way to make both of you happy and not be selfish - maybe it is that he takes you with him or you go together to your favorite place or you pick a night where you can both be out with friends?
4) spend enough quality time together - he says at least 15 hours each week
I think it means that both people have to be willing to put the relationship first and not take it for granted or assume it is going to just carry itself over time. And you have to pick someone that you can trust to do all this work with you.
He says that any couple can stay in love when they realize how they fell in love and what it takes to stay in love.
My idea of a healthy relationship is when both of partners are able to communicate effectively and honestly with one another.
I think that when a relationship is healthy some key things are going on.
For one, you genuinley respect one another and one person does not feel in control. You both have equal ground.
The communication is open, open, open! Honesty to a T...
Chemistry and sex, sounds more superficial but it is so bonding, and without a
...and one more:
listening to each others needs and compromising or making changes when necessary, as well as being able to make these needs known without being scrutinized or misunderstood