your last date? expensive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
your last date? expensive?
8
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:23pm

Hi all,

After reading many posts here I kind of feel that I dont go on many expensive dates. I knew before and my guy does say that I am very inexpensive person to date. I find spending 200 and so very expensive for a get to know each other date. If it is for some one you love thats better.

My guy doesnt mind spending a lot on dates - although I never let him.. He says once in a while we can go to a place where we pay more for the atmosphere than the food. When I fist meet a guy I want to split - since I dont want to feel obliged.. now that I love my guy- I dont want him to spend hundreds of $ since I feel " we" can actually use that for something else- besides we both cook great. But I am not sure if I am really missing anything in this process.

So I though of asking everyone how their last date was? what did you do? How expensive was it? who spends? do you split? also if you are in a relationship who makes the plans usually (as in who initiates a vaccation plan or interesting date plan).

For those of you who are not dating currently what was your most memmorable date? did you guys spend a lot for that?

I also mean to gather some more dating ideas here from this thread..

cant wait to hear..

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:32pm

If the guy invites me, I consider it as him paying. I figure he could let me know ahead of time he thinks dutch. I never pay for my first dates.

Last night we went to a expensive Bistro restaurant, we had a couple of drinks and dinner and he paid about $70 dollars. And I chose the least expensive on the menu. Out of courtesy partially, but also because it was one of my favorite dishes. However I've had some REALLY expensive dates that have gone through the roof, but again, not my problem. If they offer appetizer, I take it, if they offer dinner I choose close to the price they do, they order the wine; I don't, becuase he's paying, he chooses, they suggest dessert and coffee I'm game, they offer drinks before or after the restaurant, I'm game again. I never go and just order, I take the lead. They are happy and comfortable doing so, I oblige letting them. HOwever, that never means they get a kiss out of me, but they know that ahead of time. I never do any hand holding, etc on a first date. It's a first date and I refuse to be intimate, like kissing until around the 4th or 5th one.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:52pm

How I approach on what I do and spend on a date is the same way I approach anything I spend my money on, i.e. whether or not the activity is something I enjoy/value and whether it fits my budget (assuming I'll be paying for both of us).

An additional factor is how well I know and like my date. I'd rather spend money on women that I already know and like than on strangers.

I have gotten tickets to plays and concerts ahead of time with the hope of having someone that I am sweet on will be going with me. This past summer I have called up women friends and acquaintences to accompany me for I (still) was not seeing anyone. I have not considered any of these outings as "dates" because my intention was not romantic. I just wanted company and all of the women knew it was a friends thing.

Last night I called an old girlfriend (after leaving messages with 4 others including a guy friend) to see Spamalot (the Monty Python Broadway musical). Ideally it would not have been her but I was getting desperate. I won't do this again for she left at Intermission because of work the next day (now I know why I decided to break up with her). These were not cheap tickets but for me I'd rather have someone to go with rather than sell it.

My last real date was at this jazz club where I was not tracking the expense because I was really digging her (Lauren for those who remembered my posting about her earlier this year) and the experience/music. It was the best time in recent memory I had. We had dinner and drinks and I tipped the hostess for getting us a table in a fully booked setting.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 3:10pm

On my last date, the guy paid....

this is usually the case unless i've been dating for a while..... if a guy doesn't pay on the first date, that is a very negative sign.. and he might not get a second date based on that... i mean first date, he's got to be interested enough to spend some money.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 3:57pm

I'm much cheaper than the norm, BUT I also think a part of it is where you live.

I'm in Upstate New York, there are tons of chain restaurants and gobs of fast-food places, but VERY few "nice" restaurants to go to around here. I'm in a tiny town surrounded by only slightly larger college towns- I'd have to order four entrees for a meal to be more than $100 in an evening.

So, my last "pre-relationship" dinner date was about $50, I'd guess, including drinks. Most of my dates involve doing something, and it is often something that's free or very cheap.

Now that I'm in a relationship, funnyguy and I sort of take turns planning things. Typically, we do one activity per week- such as mini-golf and dinner or just dinner, bowling, walks, swimming, etc... again, none of these things are very expensive if they cost anything. We also typically plan things that are kid-friendly.

There have been a couple of times we did something more expensive- an amusement park, and once we went to the zoo and followed that up with a trip to chuck e cheese- those are about the most expensive things we've ever done- and they were really for the kids.

I'd prefer, actually, to be able to eat at a place with paper napkins and waiters wearing flare than a place with linen and seventeen forks. But that's just me, and luckily, funnyguy and I match up well.

Moody, a cheap date


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:38pm

The cost of dates I have been on has varied from a cup of coffee to a full blown dinner with drinks afterwards. But for the first date/meeting I always prefer something simple so if we don't hit it off then it is not awkward - maybe even more from a time spent together aspect rather than money.

I say it is the person you are with that matters more than the money. I don't think there is a correlation to how much someone spent.

I had been dating 3 people before I chose to go exclusive with the one I am with now. Anyway, the one I am with probably makes the least money and yet he spent the most on the first date - dinner, drinks and games of pool (with lessons) at a nice place. One of the other ones claims to make a lot more than me and he took me for breakfast. And the third actually claimed he was using a gift card so it wouldn't cost him anything and this was for one cup of coffee! He proceeded to be too negative and was trying to find out what his competition was for the OLD thing. So he got ditched right away.

I think the most important thing, rather than the money - because some men like to go out and spend a lot to think they are fun while others are more conservative - is that the guy is asking you what you like to do and trying to make you feel comfortable and accommodated with the time, place and activity. That speaks volumes to me from my experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:48pm

"Moody, a cheap date" : Big lol on that!

I think our typical date is anywhere between 50 and 100 ( I dont drink).

Our last date we went to a dance class ( beginners ) only 10 dollars each that was really fun and then we stopped by a vietnamese retaurant which was cheap ( but we wanted to try that out for long time) and it was about 50 may be..

I still recall our first date.. we kne each other before as we work in same building. SO when he asked ( invited through and e-mail! on saturday morning for that evening)- I wasnt sure if it was a date.. He was less nervous- as he didnt say it is a date. We talked normally.. in the end he took the tab- (That was 80 dollars - I still remeber). I just mumbled- I will pay you back later. He said "thats fine".. lol.. I did give him 40 dollars next day when I saw him.. both of us were so shy to admit that it was a date..

We continued this for next three or 4 dates and after that its just him who pays.. I do once in a while too.. I love to cook new dishes for him.

So I asked him about our first date later on and his explaination was " I havent dated for ever.. and besides was not sure if you considered it a date and I didnt want to make you feel obliged to go out again.."

So yeah it was different situation. If it is already known that it is purely "date" I might let the guy pay.. But most of the time I date people I already am frineds with or whom I know , so there is no clear line between hanging out and date..

We both make plans.. but I should say I am the one who is more adventurous there- but he is always ready to go..

Our other dates are usually cooking at home and watching movies, playing tennis ( does that count?), hiking. He wants us to go biking trip togther next.

I think Mark's jazz club sounds neat!.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 10:30pm

My guy pays for most of everything but it's only because of my situation. I have next to nothing after paying rent and bills. Blue Eyes does not mind, but I can't help feel that he will tire of this after a while. Whenever I have an extra 10 dollars or so, I pitch in and he is so kind, he just smiles, says thank you, and then usually give me about half back "as a rebate" lol. He knows how hard i try and he wants to remain in my life..making future plans. We do things that are pretty inexpensive, usually. We go to friends houses for bbqs, or to dinner at less expensive places (under 50). We do movie night in, and I cook for him a lot. We walk on the beach (we are lucky to have beach access so there's always the beach thing!!) We go outside quite a bit, take walks, or sometimes spend an evening in listening to music and having "quality time" together. I love that..

sometimes there are things that I know he has interest in (like concerts) that he could afford alone, but not for both of us, He does not go, because he does not wish to go without me. I feel bad sometimes and hope he will not resent me down the road...

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 2:02am
The only "date" I've been on recently was taking my kids to see the Underdog movie, lol. Including dinner afterwards I ended up spending around $60, but of course if it had been an actual date with a woman I think I would have splurged for a nicer dinner, not McDonald's. Assuming there may have been drinks or coffee afterwards I think it's safe to assume just about anyone can drop $100 easily on one date. For the record, and maybe I am a traditionalist, I think the guy should pay all of the expenses on a date unless of course the woman insists on going dutch.