He owes me $$$ and after we had sex for our 1st time - He's MIA No Contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2013
He owes me $$$ and after we had sex for our 1st time - He's MIA No Contact
4
Mon, 07-29-2013 - 5:23pm

WARNING ITS A LONG ONE !!!...SO I met this Guy MR. C thru a random neighborhood aquaintance MR.A who was keeping a few laptops at my house while in between places. He was selling 2 of them and MR.C was interested in buying one so he came by one night to check them out. Since MR A was down on his financial luck at the time his phone was disco'd so he used mine to make contact with MR.C in regards to the laptops.....LSS MR C felt a bit outta place I believe because I did have 2 guests over at the time and then outta no where a long time friend of mine came buy with 4 other people without notice. MR C decided to put $20 down and left his rolex as collateral (since it was a used laptop he wanted to test it out 1st before paying MR A in full for it. well Mr A was gone, and by this time so were my guests. MR A left the rolex but took the $20 so I told MR C to just come by and bring it back I fronted mr A the cash.

Ever since that day I guess u can say MR. C just became part of my social circle. He would randomly call see what I was up too, since Im a homebody his luck that Id be doing jack squat so we would hang out he would bring me drinks, smokes, offer me rides here and there never did I ever have to pay...he would even bring random gifts like jewelry for example a silver necklaces, cool earrings, dangle belt,this super cool bandana that he had for many yrs and would carry with him, a$150 wifi modem, really nice ciggarette cases, etc and he would do nice things for me like carry heavy things for me, fixed my music surround sound speakers, take my trash out, etc etc if I called him for something like to killl a bug (potatoe bug ewww was it the scariest sh*t ever!!) or to bum a cigg which he would get me a pack, bring me lighters blah blah ..he would come and at what ever given hour.

A Few months later.....

One day he texted me a pic of a really nice mo-ped and kept insisting I see it in person...when I did I fell in love with it. He had been working on it for quite some time and was excited that he got it all fixed up and hooked up...he did a superb job and during his unveiling to me which I got to ride it around the neighborhood, up and down my street as he watched, I got the hang of handling it, and quickly grew fond of the mo-ped, I guess he felt bad cuz I ride the bus as my only form of transportation he has a car ( and a frame from a classic car he plans to rebuild w/ all original parts) and collection of bikes from classics to vintage to modern, plus this was his 2nd mo-ped. So he offered it to me, considering all the time, labor and money he had invested in rebuilding it I asked him how much would he want for it. He said I fet bad since I wasnt working right now so he quoted me final price at $300 and said I could pay him off in pymnts. I agreed and soon as my next unemployment check came in I made my 1st pymnt. fast fwrd... I had already payed him $170 then i had some unexpected financial burdens arise and realized I was gonna have to pull out of the deal, so I called him up and broke the bad news to him...He seemed bummed, not sure why he has a good job as a personal asst for a Disney Executive, but said he understood. I didnt hear from him for 2 days then he came to visit and hang out as usual during his visit he put it out there non chantlantley that he was trying really hard to sell the mo-ped in which once he did he would pay me back yada yada. Stupid me for not questioning him but I figured I had nothing to worry about since he's good for the $$ and in the end my money burdens were wiped clean by my granted extension of unemployemnt benefits, so I had no problem waiting. he got some interested potential buyers 2 whom which said yes and seemed serious but backed out last minute. I knew he was trying and to not embarass him with providing explanation as to what the problem could be regarding his financial status cuz why couldnt he just pay me next paycheck or something...I let time pass it had been a month and a 1/2 and although the debt still owed we still hung out regularly kept contact via phone calls/ texts multiple times daily and when we did hang it'd be for hrs at a time like 4-6+ and the entire time we never went as far as a kiss on the cheek. We started to really get to know one another ALOT even very private stuff about family, love and losses...almost our whole life stories(it practically seemed so) he opended up in ways no one would ever imagine...we/our friendship grew very close

Slowly but surely I began to fall for him mind you not once did I ever flirt with him or give him the slightest impression that there were any feelings becuase at 1st there werent any. It took Months to start feeling more than friendship vibes towards him and when I started feeling romantically interested in him I surpressed my growing feelings becuase of a few factors regarding past aquaintances who did me foul, and I no longer kept contact with by choice that I knew he associated with here and there becuase we all live in the same neighborhood.and as time passed and  

But as the months grew longer feelings grew fonder and friends started to notice the sparks of our hidden yet equally surpressed feelings for each other. I took so long to admit to myself that I actually liked this guy becuase I promised to never Love again after my really Bad experience with my EX, so I held out from giving in as long as I could.....untill the day!! he is 1/2 italian and kept bragging about his cooking skills and how I never had a real sicilian homestyle cooked meal (italian being my Fav food) So one day I decided to collect on his offer of a fine home cooked meal...he came over took his time to make sure it was perfect and LSS dinner became 12hrs later into the next morning in which we finally acted on our feelings in full and went 1st,2nd,3rd, to Yup homerun we had sex. as soon as we were done I hopped into the shower and during so he brought me a towel and this dress/short bottoms outfit he knows I love and said he brought it since it was a 1 piece cuz he figured it was easy to put on(my back had been messed up for a few days n I was taking it easy till i fully healed) it was hanging so he knew it was clean. I thought that was sweet of him...he waitied for me finish showering and dress and then said he was gonna head home to shower and change and then go buy us a pack of ciggs (he smokes camels /me Ports) and come back in a couple of hrs...well

I ended up making plans with my sis we went to the movies etc going over my finances I mis-calculated what I was working with and was down to my very last $12buxx YIKES!! so the time had came and later that same night after I got home and was sitting in a pool of money worries, I texted him about the money he owed me and the time has come and i needed it , he said no worries he had sold the mo-ped to his Really Good friends cousin and was gnna pik up the money from him the follwoing day. SO next day early afternoon i texted him he said he had called but his friend cousin was stll sleeping and he was waiting for him to call back ....later that evening i called him and he said the cousin hadnt got back to him  so following day and when he went over there the family said he was out with his GF and still was waiting on his call that evening he still hadnt heard from the cousin....well thats as far as it went ...so within the next 2 days i attempted contact with MR C 8 times and till this day no reply...ill admit i never attempted to contact him after my 6 texts 2 calls attempt with an additional sad face text twice the day after my 2 day contact attempt.....but still no word and I guess I figured Id see how long he was planning to avoid me for ...I figured it wouldnt be as long as it has been and is still going

I went thru hell to make ends meet and although $170 might not be much it would of saved me more than once during that time. I starved literally and slept 1 1/2dys at a time just too not feel my hunger, recycled just to buy toilet paper,  personal hygiene products that are MANDO like toothpaste plus I owed my ultility bills and couldnt even make pymnt arrangments cuz I had no $ to make the 1st pymnt which I could have if those $170 would have been paid back as they should have...Im still broke like no joke and utilities are piling up and so are my emotions regarding this situation

SO here I am ...

I stand confused on how to approach this whole thing...cuz I dont know what to think or feel...i feel dissapointed in trusting and allowing my mis judgment to have gone so far.... I feel regret in letting my guard down and falling for him, and I feel used .... he not only won a part of my heart but he got laid and came up on my $170 which he obviously already spent ..

and I honestly feel like this is it...if I dont do something at all from this point this would be the end...i feel he's truly justs gonna call it even with what he got out of "US" which is to not pay the debt owed even though he liked me so far as he at least got a piece of my sweet AZZ for the score and is just gonna close the chapter on Us- end of story  :(

As stupid as this may be I still care and cant see how he invested so much time, and effort on me, emotions,opened up and shared so much personal and intimate life experiences and is going to so easily throw away his feelings for me just to save $170 bucks.

I need any and all advice becuase I think I have to do or say something I cant let it just be this as our end without any last attempt at who knows what from me at the least...I cant just swallow my pride and move on and take this as a lesson learned I have got to try or do or say something..just dont know what so im hoping to find advice on my next must do move to be from Ivillage readers...Thanks sooo much in Adv for those who do reply with your perspective and advice...Thank you a Million times!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007

You weren't kidding when you said it was a long one Smile.

it is kind of hard to tell what caused the silence because so many things happened at about same time. The sex, hard times for both of you... so figuring that part out is more of a judgement call on his character as you got to experience it over the time you knew him. It seems like the both of you got close, and he was at your side when you called him... in hindsight, did he seem like a friend / boyfriend happy to be there, or like a player just laying groundwork for score. it does seem like a lot of work just for a score, but there are some men who will put that kind of work in, and also depends on the woman they are dealing with. So that part you can ask yourself and see how it seems to you.

As for the money, many do not understand the value of $170 until it what you need to keep the lights on. so i feel your pain.. been there, and it is not fun. but given that he seems to be in same finacial situation, that with flactuating income, and given the kind of stuff you say he did before, i think he just feel into hard times at the same time you did, but is not brave enough to tell you he does not have it right now.

in all, my advice is first step back and take care of your  financial situation. that kind of stress makes it hard to see other things straight. The $170, you may not see that again.. or at least for a while. how hard you decide to pursue it will also tell you where you stand with him. if you are done with him, push hard to get it back. if you are not sure yet, ask for it but do it with tact. stupid male egos to worry about.

As for the relationship, it sounds like you guys had really hit it off when things were going good for both of you, but when things started to go bad it kind of disolved...that part is a little worisome. it could again be just a timing thing, new relationship, both hvaing issues so neither could support the other. On that I'd say if you want a better idea of what he is about, stop asking about the money for a bit and just talk about the issues you are having and see if he offers other kinds of support... good advice, more physical help like food stuffs, rides, other support that shows he cares... if he still avoids even after you stop asking about the money, then you have your answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2013

 I Should of indicated last reply (Text )from him was July 10th....I dont know if this makes a difference but I figured It should be noted...So I called once and "Hey" and then "Hello,knock knock anyone home? earth to peachy earth to peachy is someone there??" and then last txt was  "yoooo wut uppers with a reply mister??"

no reply yet :/

and now my phone got disco'd even bigger bummer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
People need to watch Judge Judy. Ha. Since you had sex, it would depend on evidence whether it would be seen as a loan or a gift to a lover. Anyway, don't ever loan anyone money without a written loan contract in place with terms. At this point it sounds like he is avoiding you. :/
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

   Who finally owes what to whom?  Do a  sheet showing what he owes and what you owe.  Reading the ramble of  non essential items both bought form each other and it appeares that neither compleatly paid everything off.  if I am reading this correctly you owe him $140.   he owes you $170 Bottom line; $30 he owes you.

chaika