mixed messages vs men r simple

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
mixed messages vs men r simple
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 12:28pm
Ive been receiving advice about this but it has been from women. An old flame has been chatty lately both in initiating and returning messages, usually it is mindless banter but last week he sent me some photos of his business trip and thats when the trouble started. He sent me a picture of a guy on a pier and i noted (jokingly) that if it were him he got a lttle fat. He then sent me a picture of himself, lifting his shirt up showing off his abs at the gym.

I'll spare u the suspense...I still have feelings for this guy but this guy has a serious girlfiend who he has been with for 4 years. I made my peace with it and have moved on...somewhat. i still think about him but keep it at that. I was fine until he sent me that blasted photo. My mind is telling me "let it go, it doesnt mean anything" but my friends keep telling me the contrary. "He wouldnt have sent you a half naked picture of himself if he didnt still have feelings for you...blah blah blah..." I tell myself "he obviously had sent this picture to someone other than me bc he was not at the gym when he sent this photo. He made it quite clear that he had lost interest in me outside of being friends years ago (4 years ago, not a coincidence), and i havent really heard from him since he's been back from his trip.

I think i should not speak with him for awhile. Before i get swept up in "what if" and drive myself crazy. Am i right to believe this was nothing? Or are my friends right? I wish he hafnt sent me that blasted photo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 4:52pm
I agree with all the comments here saying he just wanted to show you he wasn't fat. Keep it as a fantasy for those lonely nites.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 6:25pm

I'm a women and I disagree with your girlfriends.  He's just boasting about his abs because you teased him about getting fat.   There's nothing romantic in it.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 5:14pm


     Welcome to the board.

       I agree with Music.  There is nothing wrong with having feelings.  It is what we do with those feelings that counts.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 12:38pm

Well I'm a woman & I don't think it means anything.  It was in response to you teasing him about being fat--it's not like spontaneously sent you a shirtless pic for no reason.  If he is still w/ his GF, don't waste your time.

Even back when I was in high school, I had this rule of don't bother with a guy who has a GF--it seems to be one of those rules that worked.  It's like not only do I Have to get this guy to like me, but I also have to get him to want to break up w/ his GF--too much work!