act on feelings for a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
act on feelings for a friend?
4
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 4:35am
Hi, I am hoping to get some advice about how to approach a crush on a friend. Some background info: friends for about 8 or 9 years, went to high school together, different colleges, still same hometown. We talk online, on the phone, and see each other when we both go back to our hometown for holidays and vacations. We've both graduated from college already, and are working in cities about five hours from each other. Hence the modes of communication. But we are really good friends, we joke around, and are there for each other. I had a very mild crush on him during high school, but nothing serious. Throughout college, we both had SO's so of course I never thought of anything beyond friendship. Now is the first time we are both single, and in the last couple of months, I've started developing deeper feelings for him. I have other guy friends, whom I am also really close to, people who really are there for me, even at 4 in the morning, but somehow lately I've just started to look forward to talking with him in particular. We met up just a couple of weeks back and for the first time in our long friendship, I had butterflies in my stomache, and felt the sort of flirty giddiness that I usually feel like on a first date or something. I happen to know that his parents adore me, and he even told me that after his breakup a while back, his mother suggested he date me. Naturally acting the part of the friend, we both just had a good laugh about it. But of course, I was secretly wishing he would! Anyways, he's coming to visit in a couple of weeks, and I'm just getting kinda anxious, hoping I won't act stupid or anything. I really want something to happen, but I am of course not blind to the practicalities of the distance, and of possibly ruining a really good friendship. But I also really want to know if he feels anything at all. If anyone has any advice on this situation that would be really appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 8:04am
ive been in your situation before i really think that if u make the first move i think it would be very admirable of u to do so if he dosent feel the same well then dont worry at least u know where u stand and u can still be good friends i say go for it your soul mate should be your bestest friend and if he makes u feel good about yourself then theirs no harm in acting on your feelings follow your heart and i hope it all works out let me know
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 9:58am
First...you're not gonna act stupid because YOU LIKE THIS GUY AS A FRIEND ALREADY...AND HE LIKES YOU!

Now whether things escalate and progress further during the visit is a 50/50 toss-up.

Keep in mind that there's a 5-hour distance factor between the two of you. Pianoguy doesn't have to remind you that 'long-distance romances' are tough...not impossible...but tough! So in the event the two of you should generate any sort of 'combustible energy' during HIS weekend visit...just keep the distance deterrent in the back of your head.

It's obvious you'd like more than a friendship, but if you "take time to know him" (a Percy Sledge tune) again...your mutual interests (and instincts) will help you in your decision.

Best of luck.

Pianoguy



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 11:26am
You're looking to tread on dangerous ground. It's not going from friend to "more" that's the hard part. The dangerous part is that once the transition is made, it is almost impossible to ever go back. Once the bridge is crossed, there is no returning. Thus if you two don't work out, there is a very high chance you will lose your friend.

If you are willing to toss away your friendship to see if this could work out, then go for it. Good friends are hard to find, and harder to replace. I would never do so without seriously contemplating the consequences of the loss.

Brokk...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 1:29pm
Really? That hasn't been my experience. I've been able to go back to being platonic friends after becoming romantically involved with someone who was a friend before. It took some time apart from each other in each case, but it worked. I think that if you're truly friends beforehand, you'll be able to recapture that friendship again.

And it's definitely been my experience that if a friend turns you down for "more", the friendship CAN go on, after you have a chance to get over your romantic feelings.

Sheri