Am I being greedy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Am I being greedy?
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 11:13am

So my 30th birthday was last night on Valntines Day. My Bf took me out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 11:38am

I think you have several issues here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2010
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 7:02pm

I feel for you! My mother gave me some advice that I wish I had listened to (but then hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?). She told me that whatever problems you have while you are dating....take those and magnify them x 100. Those are the issues that will come up in your marriage and then you are stuck. The idea being that whatever you are willing to barely tolerate now is going to keep rearing its ugly head in different ways throughout your marriage and even if it is hard to break it off now it will be doubly hard when there are children involved. If your man is selfish now (and it sounds like he was definitely thinking of himself regarding spending the cash on go-carts instead of your birthday) he is just going to continue to think that way in your marriage and he will think you are ok with it because you married him knowing he was that way. People can change but it is hard and it takes a true desire to change and devotion to that commitment. I used to think that I was a patient person and that I could wait until that change happened and surely I could help it along but I have a learned a few things since then and believe me....If they don't see anything wrong with it right now chances are 99.9% that they will not see anything wrong with it in the future. Is that what you really want....a future where you have waited 9 years for someone to show you the love and devotion you deserve? Don't you want to be put on a pedestal and made to feel like the queen you are? You deserve it! Good luck girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 8:01pm

Yes, you're being greedy. He took you to dinner and spent $200. Doesn't really matter where the money came from. You say he didn't get you a gift, but then proceed to say he took you to brunch the next morning,

28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 8:37pm

I answered your other post, you have alot of stuff that you are "holding" in and that is what the underlying problem is here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:22pm
Your doing all the work and he is doing nothing. Tell him you can't come to his house for the next two weeks because of work and that he needs to come to your house. If he doesn't drive to come see you, what makes you think he would marry you? Or ever leave his Fathers home. He sounds lazy...My DH (35) was living with his parents when I met him, but he was a full time student and just got back from Iraq. After a year of him living there, and me coming and going, I told him he needed to start making some progress towards our future or I was leaving him. He spent most his time playing video games...After not talking to him for a week, he got a better job, gave me a move in date and told me he wanted to marry me. We've been married for two years now and have two kids! If he wants a life with you, he will have to get off his ass and do it, if not RUN.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 4:21pm
Am i being greedy about no gift?

There are other factors that come into play that would affect my answer but you haven't told us about those. But the short answer is, Yes, you are being greedy as far as the birthday and presents and perhaps money in general is concerned.

It doesn't particularly matter where the money came from (ie half from his Dad) the fact is that it was a sizable amount that was spent on you - and Yes, dinner was about you. Don't think for a moment that he would have spent almost $300 on a dinner and things of his own accord. Bear it in mind also that when it's his birthday you only buy small gifts for him (hey, YOU could have bought TWO small things that he liked if the things were inexpensive, you know?) and the scales tip further in his favour.

What do you mean he didn't plan anything for your birthday? You just talked about dinner? Perhaps the problem isn't that he didn't plan anything or buy anything, perhaps the problem is that you didn't clearly indicate that you wanted dinner AND a big present, or perhaps would have preferred no dinner and a bigger present? Frankly I think you are way too hung up over this birthday and present thing - birthdays are one day once a year that are fleeting and gone quickly. If it was a birthday that ended with a "zero" then that might be different but all the same, if he wants to buy a house for the two of you is this the best use of his (and ultimately your) money?

OK, so he lives at home with his Dad. I'm sure that there is more to the story than that so I'm going to reserve judgement as to WHY he still lives at home. But he does say that he wants to buy a house for the two of you. That's good. What are you intending to contribute towards the cost of the house? Are you having any financial input? Have you considered he may not be able to afford a house in an area that you like? Why do you hate the area anyway? Why does he HAVE to live there? Has he given you a reason? IF he hasn't, what reason do you suppose it might be? Perhaps if the two of you are to have a nice house and a lavish lifestyle perhaps he simply can't afford to buy all that now and is planning for the futture?

I'm guessing that the problem is that the two of you have different ideas about how your lives should go. Without knowing more I can't say that he is wrong and you are right. What is clear is that right now you don't want what he wants, and he doesn't want what you want. Maybe you should be reconsidering the relationship?